Firing our nanny for cause - any advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my advice OP.

- Plan everything out in advance.
- If possible, have someone else there with you and have your children elsewhere. (Have a babysitter or family friend take them to the park, put on a movie in a closed room on a different floor, etc...) Have another adult (ideally your husband) with you for the conversation.
- Plan what you're going to say. Keep it short, factual, and direct. Have a letter that says the same things that you hand her.
- Get your keys and any other personal property back.
- Do not let her be unsupervised in your house after telling her. This is a "please pack your things right now, give us your key and leave" situation.
- Your letter should say "You are being terminated for cause. On more than one occasion you jeopardized the safety of our children... violated the terms of our contract by.... " Etc... Whatever the exact cause is - state it briefly but directly.
- Include a sentence that says you will be paid through your full work day today. If you have contractual language regarding termination and severance cite that: "As per our contract you will not be paid for severance and termination is effective immediately due to your actions."
- Put in a sentence along the lines of "You are to have no further contact with us, our children, the neighbors, family members or friends, or anyone connected with this family. If you pursue contact we will take legal action." (If you feel that is necessary, you may not feel the need to be so explicit but if you're uneasy about safety it's a good idea.)
- Do not engage in discussion or debate during the conversation. Do not get emotional. Be dispassionate, direct, and brief. "Your employment is terminated, we need your keys and you have 10 minutes to gather your things."
- Do not respond to pleas, or questions about what you will do for childcare, or what she will do for income, etc... Have your spiel ready and don't deviate. Don't get sidetracked by any reaction she may or may not have - just keep your eye on the goal of terminating the relationship and getting her out of the house as quickly and calmly as possible.
- Plan to have a locksmith come and change the locks an hour after she has left. Even if you get the key(s) back the peace of mind is worth the cost.

Good luck OP. If you need to strengthen your backbone at all (it is VERY hard to fire someone, even when you know it's necessary) just remind yourself that there is nothing more sacrosanct than the safety of your kids. You are doing your job as a parent. Nothing else need be your concern.

I hope it's quick and as calm as possible.

Plan some upbeat family activity afterwards - maybe everyone gets a special treat that night!

Of course, have a good explanation planned for the kids that is straightforward, age appropriate, and as simple as possible.

Excellent advice. Even as a nanny, I thoroughly agree with this! The safety of the children is paramount, but you also don't want to give her the opportunity to be vindictive and destroy your property.

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to figure out what the nanny did that was so awful that the OP is going to fire her for cause, but not so awful that she's willing to let the nanny continue to watch her children for several days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What could she possibly be doing at the park to get fired for cause?? So curious!!

She was texting the entire time!

It probably is something ridiculous like this.

Firing for texting is not ridiculous. I will fire our nanny if I ever catch her texting again when she should be watching my children and our nanny knows it.

I hope your boss will do the same for you when you post on DCUM, text your nanny, or any kind of personal business while you are supposed to be working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone. I will definitely report back on Friday. This incident has really shaken my trust and made me question my own judgement since I hired this woman. She has only worked for us a few months but genuinely seemed to care about our children. I wish this were just a question of her texting on the playground.

Why are you waiting until FRIDAY!? I can't imagine leaving my kids with someone once I knew they were putting the kids in some sort of danger.

Believe me I wish I could have fired her right away but my DH is traveling for work, we have no family in the area and I cannot take off work this week. It is very stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to figure out what the nanny did that was so awful that the OP is going to fire her for cause, but not so awful that she's willing to let the nanny continue to watch her children for several days.

My guess is that she was napping at the park while the children played ? Or smoking ? I really want to know

[Anonymous]

I know we're all chomping at the bit but OP has said she will update us when she can.

I don't necessarily assume that she is continuing to have the nanny watch her kids, or that she's waiting until Friday to take action. We don't know if the nanny is full-time for instance. And maybe OP is doing this today and taking a couple of days off to deal with it all so will update us when things settle on Friday.

We'll just have to wait and see what she shares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to figure out what the nanny did that was so awful that the OP is going to fire her for cause, but not so awful that she's willing to let the nanny continue to watch her children for several days.

My guess is that she was napping at the park while the children played ? Or smoking ? I really want to know

I bet she got confirmation that the nanny DID steal the Thomas trains! And brought them to the park to play with.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what's worse, the irresponsible nanny or the irresponsible parent leaving their kid with a bad nanny!! Really sad, Op. You need to be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to figure out what the nanny did that was so awful that the OP is going to fire her for cause, but not so awful that she's willing to let the nanny continue to watch her children for several days.

My guess is that she was napping at the park while the children played ? Or smoking ? I really want to know

I bet she got confirmation that the nanny DID steal the Thomas trains! And brought them to the park to play with.

Ha! And maybe they were stalking some bobcats...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what's worse, the irresponsible nanny or the irresponsible parent leaving their kid with a bad nanny!! Really sad, Op. You need to be better.[/quot

What on earth are you talking about? She discovered the nanny wasn't doing her job and she's firing her. You are leaping wildly and unfairly to conclusions. You know nothing.

[Anonymous]

It can't be that bad if you're willing to leave your kids with the woman for an entire week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can't be that bad if you're willing to leave your kids with the woman for an entire week.

I was thinking the same thing. Crazy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what's worse, the irresponsible nanny or the irresponsible parent leaving their kid with a bad nanny!! Really sad, Op. You need to be better.[/quot

What on earth are you talking about? She discovered the nanny wasn't doing her job and she's firing her. You are leaping wildly and unfairly to conclusions. You know nothing.

[b]

Op said in her initial post the nanny was potentially putting the child at risk... What conclusions exactly am I jumping to?? You sound like a defensive person, maybe look at your own parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what's worse, the irresponsible nanny or the irresponsible parent leaving their kid with a bad nanny!! Really sad, Op. You need to be better.[/quot

What on earth are you talking about? She discovered the nanny wasn't doing her job and she's firing her. You are leaping wildly and unfairly to conclusions. You know nothing.

[b]

Op said in her initial post the nanny was potentially putting the child at risk... What conclusions exactly am I jumping to?? You sound like a defensive person, maybe look at your own parenting.

You are assuming that OP is knowingly leaving her child at risk, I am not. There are any number of reasons why the child may not be at risk. You're calling the parent irresponsible and accusing her of leaving her child in harm's way. I think that is unfair and unfounded. However that kind of accusatory leap is sadly typical of this forum so I shouldn't waste my breath trying to defend anyone or arguing for reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone. I will definitely report back on Friday. This incident has really shaken my trust and made me question my own judgement since I hired this woman. She has only worked for us a few months but genuinely seemed to care about our children. I wish this were just a question of her texting on the playground.

Why are you waiting until FRIDAY!? I can't imagine leaving my kids with someone once I knew they were putting the kids in some sort of danger.

Believe me I wish I could have fired her right away but my DH is traveling for work, we have no family in the area and I cannot take off work this week. It is very stressful.

OP, you can call an agency and get a temp nanny today. better a stranger than somebody that has proven herself to be not trustworthy. it is really hard to believe that this nanny did something so bad to shake your trust in people and to make you decide to fire her and then you let her watch your kids for almost a week?