Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of

[Anonymous]

No wonder she's feeling taken advantage of, she's being taken advantage of. Those are insanely long hours. What does she feed your DC for dinner on nights you get home late? Is she responsible for meal prep? What does she eat herself? And having to handle the dinner/bath/ bedtime routine, solo, is a ton of extra work. I'm a nanny, and I'm scheduled to work 8-6 Monday-Friday, although my MB and DB are typically home to relieve me between 5:00 and 5:30. By the time I fight traffic to get home, it's 6:30. I still have to care for my dog, get dinner for myself, prepare for my next day of work, and unwind a little. By 10:30, I'm ready to get in bed! I couldn't do my job otherwise. Your expectations are completely unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There may also be some other issues at play that she didn't articulate, but that you should think about. For instance:

-- Do you mind if she rests while the children rest?
-- How much are you paying her? It's great you're paying her OT, but if her base rate isn't appropriate then she might still feel taken advantage of.
-- Realistically, how much of a warning are you giving her when you have to stay late?
-- Is she able to get out of the house with the children?

I am OP. To answer your questions accordingly,

- Our son is 8 months old and is on a pretty strict routine. He naps around 3 - 4 hours a day so she does get downtime. We also encourage independent play therefore our nanny does take short breaks too. Our nanny is very high energy and will rarely relax on the job.

- We are paying her a very good wage ( her asking rate). She is compensated very well with great benefits.

- Majority of the time we asked between 3 days or a week in advance. There has only been a handful of times where I had to call while she is on shift and ask If she can stay a bit later.

- She is able to get out. She has been very active with our son since starting. She sought out and regularly takes him on walks, to the park, the library, and classes. Generally if it's nice out, they are out majority of his waking hours.

DH and I are very active in our sons life and don't appreciate the snide remarks. We are both partners at big firms and we do what we can.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's the thing: You're being compensated very well for the sort of hours and lack of control over your schedule that you have. But you're trying to pass those hours and lack of control along to your nanny and though she's well compensated for a nanny, she's not pulling in the six (seven?) figures that you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's the thing: You're being compensated very well for the sort of hours and lack of control over your schedule that you have. But you're trying to pass those hours and lack of control along to your nanny and though she's well compensated for a nanny, she's not pulling in the six (seven?) figures that you are.

You must be a bitter nanny or troll. Yes, I work hard to make a living. I have a high-powered job but that does not mean I can't have a family. If you don't like the pay you have, maybe you should get an education and a career. Stop bitching on this board for no reason.

[Anonymous]

OP, from your post and replies it doesn't seem like you're doing anything wrong - the problem is that the hours are getting to be too long for the nanny. There is (presumably) no harm in discussing this with her and coming up with a solution that will in the long run make both you, your son and the nanny happier.

Ignore all the replies that are passing judgement on you without knowing any of the specifics of your arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's the thing: You're being compensated very well for the sort of hours and lack of control over your schedule that you have. But you're trying to pass those hours and lack of control along to your nanny and though she's well compensated for a nanny, she's not pulling in the six (seven?) figures that you are.

You must be a bitter nanny or troll. Yes, I work hard to make a living. I have a high-powered job but that does not mean I can't have a family. If you don't like the pay you have, maybe you should get an education and a career. Stop bitching on this board for no reason.

Interesting that you feel comfortable leaving your 8 month old home all day with an uneducated, and apparently unemployed, individual.

Now we get to the root of the problem. Your time is more valuable than your nanny's in your mind, so why on earth should she be anything but grateful for the OT pay she is receiving, right? It's not like she is actually working for a living...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's the thing: You're being compensated very well for the sort of hours and lack of control over your schedule that you have. But you're trying to pass those hours and lack of control along to your nanny and though she's well compensated for a nanny, she's not pulling in the six (seven?) figures that you are.

You must be a bitter nanny or troll. Yes, I work hard to make a living. I have a high-powered job but that does not mean I can't have a family. If you don't like the pay you have, maybe you should get an education and a career. Stop bitching on this board for no reason.

Not the PP but You definitely are not a nice person and, obviously, more interested in your career than your accessory child. Also, FYI, I am not a nanny or troll, but you are a jerk and a hortible, thoughtless employer and an inadequate and absentee mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's the thing: You're being compensated very well for the sort of hours and lack of control over your schedule that you have. But you're trying to pass those hours and lack of control along to your nanny and though she's well compensated for a nanny, she's not pulling in the six (seven?) figures that you are.

You must be a bitter nanny or troll. Yes, I work hard to make a living. I have a high-powered job but that does not mean I can't have a family. If you don't like the pay you have, maybe you should get an education and a career. Stop bitching on this board for no reason.

Whoa! I'm actually an ex-big law associate. I have a fantastic ivy league law degree and wonderful career. Your defensiveness is bizarre. I know you think you are brilliant and that's why you get paid what you do. But in reality there are plenty of us that could do what you do - we just choose a different lifestyle. Your nanny did not choose a big law life so she shouldn't have to live one.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny for two parents in a similar situation. They are both doctors and have the same struggle with unpredictable schedules. What they have arranged works out well for me. They have their parents watch the kids one day a week, and I come 4 days a week from 6:30 till whenever they get off (usually 4:30 or so). Some days they do have to stay late but I don't mind it as much because they only have me working 4 days. Plus, they are really generous with giving me paid days off whenever they can since they know how challenging such long days and early mornings are.

I think as long as you are going above and beyond to give your nanny time off whenever you can then she will notice and there is no reason for her not to feel appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know with two working parents with demanding jobs has back up/evening care. It is way too much to work the long regular hours and then add in the extra nights as well. I would be worried about how she is interacting with the kids in the morning after numerous late nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with two working parents with demanding jobs has back up/evening care. It is way too much to work the long regular hours and then add in the extra nights as well. I would be worried about how she is interacting with the kids in the morning after numerous late nights.

I'm OP. We have an infant and why should I be worried? Our nanny is amazing, morning, noon, and night. Never have I seen someone do job so gracefully and lovingly. Her level of care has never decreased or changed. True professionals get the job done well no matter the reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with two working parents with demanding jobs has back up/evening care. It is way too much to work the long regular hours and then add in the extra nights as well. I would be worried about how she is interacting with the kids in the morning after numerous late nights.

I'm OP. We have an infant and why should I be worried? Our nanny is amazing, morning, noon, and night. Never have I seen someone do job so gracefully and lovingly. Her level of care has never decreased or changed. True professionals get the job done well no matter the reason.

How many hours a week does she work with your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with two working parents with demanding jobs has back up/evening care. It is way too much to work the long regular hours and then add in the extra nights as well. I would be worried about how she is interacting with the kids in the morning after numerous late nights.

I'm OP. We have an infant and why should I be worried? Our nanny is amazing, morning, noon, and night. Never have I seen someone do job so gracefully and lovingly. Her level of care has never decreased or changed. True professionals get the job done well no matter the reason.

OP, I'm sure your nanny is great with your son. I'm sure she would also love to have regular hours, and a life OUTSIDE of loving your son. She's expressed this to you in a professional manner. The onus is on you to remedy the situation. By your tone, I can tell that you simply do not get it. Or do not wish too.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and I'm currently going through the same thing. I cried on my way to work today because I'm just tired of it. My schedule used to be 9-5 but I can't tell you the last time that happened. Now that they are busier it's always 8-6. But of course they are constantly asking for nights and weekends or running late. They have me working 8am-11pm sometimes and then back to work the next day at 8am. I can't tell you how it makes me feel to see them sitting around in their pjs and enjoying coffee while I've had no sleep. I'm so burnt out. With traffic most days I'm not home until 7pm. I've got a fiancé and two dogs. I feel like I meet get stuff at home done and I'm running around all weekend catching up. That's if they haven't asked me to work over the weekend. Sometimes it's hard saying no. Be thankful that she was open and honest with you. If I could go back I would have never agreed to be so flexible. Please get a back up sitter.

[Anonymous]

*I feel like I need to get stuff done at home