In rematch hell

[Anonymous]

OP, wow, this is tough for you and your family. We are still batting better than 500% on APs -but when we match with a bad one, it really sucks. Our AP from the beginning of last school year was one of the most immature and selfish APs/young woman I've ever known. On her last night, we had a bit of a snow storm and I declined her request to use the car (we live on a metro line). She threw a tantrum - even my kids noticed her extraordinarily innappropriate behaviour. I mainly said no because I was not going to house her if anything happened to her while driving on the last night. The rematch AP ended up being great as is AP #6. In a short time, you've been at both ends of the AP pendulum and hope the swing back to a great AP lasts a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:08:23 ... uh, excuse me?

OP here.

Why on earth do you think I have a high end car? Where did I say that? AP was driving my 2007 Toyota Corolla. We're not rich. We're a normal middle class family.

I have news for you: right on the agreement that is signed by Au Pair, LCC, and us as host parents, there is a whole section about liability of AP in the event that she causes a collision in a host family vehicle. The current stipulation is up to $500 if that is the deductible (in our case, it is). She totaled my car. Found at fault. She pays the deductible. Period.

Per APIA official agreement:
We understand it is our responsibility to consult an insurance agent regarding the insurance coverage that may be either required by state law or advisable for our situation. The Host family MUST assess the driving ability of the au pair/companion before granting permission to operate a vehicle, and adequate automobile insurance coverage must be in place if the au pair/companion operates a motor vehicle. We agree to limit any claim against the au pair/companion for uninsured damages resulting from operation of a motor vehicle to a maximum of $500.

Here's some commentary from AuPairMom for anyone wanting to read up on it:
http://aupairmom.com/when-your-au-pair-has-a-fender-bender-who-pays-and-what-and-how/2008/09/24/celiaharquail/

The $500 educational stipend IS in the contract and I would have paid it IF she was going to remain in our home and obtain any education. But she's returning to Germany. Sooooo... there's no need to pay the educational stipend. She didn't GET an education.

Let. It. Go.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you're ignoring the nasty posters who have clearly not experienced your situation of giving and giving to an au pair and getting totally screwed. It is really incredibly and deeply painful - emotionally, financially, everything. You're worried about your kids, pissed at how incredibly inconsiderate and immature someone could be, pissed at yourself because you chose this person, devastated that the relationship you visualized in your mind for months before the au pair's arrival ended so poorly, worried about your job since you suddenly have no childcare, possibly spending hours on the phone with insurance or in this case, car shopping, etc.

It is horrendously overwhelming and basically takes over all aspects of your life while you're dealing with it. Been there. Those of you that haven't have no idea. If you don't want to hear it, then don't read her threads.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 10:16 - people who don't want to read about this AP story can move along. And 23:15, she's responding to a bizarre earlier post claiming she somehow cheated her AP by having (very legally and appropriately) pay the deductible for destroying her car.

People. This is a voluntary forum where we can bitch about stuff and (hopefully) get some thoughtful constructive advice or - at the very least - a shoulder to cry on. Why so much hate towards OP?

[Anonymous]

wait she left the kids at the beach??

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Yep. She left the kids alone swimming in the ocean. She left the beach and went back to the condo, ostensibly to get snacks.

Massive safety fail.

Best part is, after we let her know she could never ever do that again, she did it again. Next time she didn't leave the beach but put herself face down on the towel with her earbuds in her ears. So she might as well have left them. Third time she was at least sitting upright but she was busily texting away and had no clue where the kids were when asked. (They were fine; we located them a good ways down the beach.)

It might not shock anyone that we put this girl into rematch, but it actually took much more than this for us to finally pull the trigger.

But I don't want to be accused of whining, so I'll shut up about the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I feel sorry for our next AP because nice HM is gone. I HAD internalized all the crap about how we are exploiting these girls and I did not want to be that person. She was not my niece, she was not family. It is a joke the lengths I went to give her the best possible experience in every aspect, to my own detriment clearly.

Insurance... So the final assessment will be made today about how much we get for the car. AP is not leaving until she pays the $500 deductible but we are going to get hosed anyway. Husband thinks we might get non-renewal over this. Other car was very high end so this is going to "hurt" insurance co to pay out damages. Sigh.

I am on phone typing so I can share more thoughts later.

I have to remind myself that AP1 was wonderful for us and we do believe that AP3 will redeem this hot mess with AP2. But I am done treating these girls like special cargo that I am entrusted with. I will be cordial and inclusive but with way more boundaries.

So is the damaged car high end or a Toyota? Getting a bit confused here..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I feel sorry for our next AP because nice HM is gone. I HAD internalized all the crap about how we are exploiting these girls and I did not want to be that person. She was not my niece, she was not family. It is a joke the lengths I went to give her the best possible experience in every aspect, to my own detriment clearly.

Insurance... So the final assessment will be made today about how much we get for the car. AP is not leaving until she pays the $500 deductible but we are going to get hosed anyway. Husband thinks we might get non-renewal over this. Other car was very high end so this is going to "hurt" insurance co to pay out damages. Sigh.

I am on phone typing so I can share more thoughts later.

I have to remind myself that AP1 was wonderful for us and we do believe that AP3 will redeem this hot mess with AP2. But I am done treating these girls like special cargo that I am entrusted with. I will be cordial and inclusive but with way more boundaries.

So is the damaged car high end or a Toyota? Getting a bit confused here..

The car the AP hit (while driving a Toyota) was a high end car.

[Anonymous]

Au Pair was driving a Corolla.

She HIT a BMW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Yep. She left the kids alone swimming in the ocean. She left the beach and went back to the condo, ostensibly to get snacks.

Massive safety fail.

Best part is, after we let her know she could never ever do that again, she did it again. Next time she didn't leave the beach but put herself face down on the towel with her earbuds in her ears. So she might as well have left them. Third time she was at least sitting upright but she was busily texting away and had no clue where the kids were when asked. (They were fine; we located them a good ways down the beach.)

It might not shock anyone that we put this girl into rematch, but it actually took much more than this for us to finally pull the trigger.

But I don't want to be accused of whining, so I'll shut up about the rest.

You are not at all a whiner. Just ignore the trolls. I hope this person is out of your life for good and that you're moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Au Pair was driving a Corolla.

She HIT a BMW.

It is just a car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Yep. She left the kids alone swimming in the ocean. She left the beach and went back to the condo, ostensibly to get snacks.

Massive safety fail.

Best part is, after we let her know she could never ever do that again, she did it again. Next time she didn't leave the beach but put herself face down on the towel with her earbuds in her ears. So she might as well have left them. Third time she was at least sitting upright but she was busily texting away and had no clue where the kids were when asked. (They were fine; we located them a good ways down the beach.)

It might not shock anyone that we put this girl into rematch, but it actually took much more than this for us to finally pull the trigger.

But I don't want to be accused of whining, so I'll shut up about the rest.

No offense, but I can't beleive you let her go back to the beach once, let alone a second time after her obvious lack of judgement! HM here and she should have been sent to rematch after the first time...

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids

[Anonymous]

Not all au pairs are like that.

I got a host family that made me fly half way across the world to help them with their kids. So I dropped everything and came over. After 3 long flights. I arrived to find that they weren’t honest in their profile. Now I have to rematch because they changed their minds. I dropped out of varsity and work to help them and this is what I got.

It’s important to be considerate of the young lives you take in. Situations can be stressful but avoid being self centered as well. Things won’t always go as planned. But humbleness costs nothing. Always remember to be clear and firm with your Au pair from the very beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all au pairs are like that.

I got a host family that made me fly half way across the world to help them with their kids. So I dropped everything and came over. After 3 long flights. I arrived to find that they weren’t honest in their profile. Now I have to rematch because they changed their minds. I dropped out of varsity and work to help them and this is what I got.

It’s important to be considerate of the young lives you take in. Situations can be stressful but avoid being self centered as well. Things won’t always go as planned. But humbleness costs nothing. Always remember to be clear and firm with your Au pair from the very beginning.

You are responding to a 4 year old thread.