Parent quit their job, won't leave me alone!

[Anonymous]

Severed primary care relationships ARE detrimental. It lays the foundation for attachment disorder. Most parents who keep an active revolving nanny seem to be lacking in common sense.

You are spreading dangerous misinformation about attachment disorder. It's a very real and severe disorder present in children who have been extremely neglected and often lose parents in early years, or spend their early years in an orphanage, deprived of regular human contact.

Changing nannies doesn't remotely rise to the level of attachment disorder and it is ridiculous of you to suggest that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Severed primary care relationships ARE detrimental. It lays the foundation for attachment disorder. Most parents who keep an active revolving nanny seem to be lacking in common sense.

You are spreading dangerous misinformation about attachment disorder. It's a very real and severe disorder present in children who have been extremely neglected and often lose parents in early years, or spend their early years in an orphanage, deprived of regular human contact.

Changing nannies doesn't remotely rise to the level of attachment disorder and it is ridiculous of you to suggest that.

I absolutely agree with you, PP. The only case in which I think the other PP's claim of attachment disorders is valid is when the parents have almost entirely outsourced their childcare (6-7 days a week, FT care) and those caregivers cannot remain consistent. In the case of parents who see their children very rarely, the nanny is the primary caregiver and her sudden departure could be traumatic. These types of arrangements are extremely rare, though, and should not be conflated with normal nanny-child relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a nanny isn't confident enough in her skills to be able to work when a parent around, she should find a new job.

This problem has nothing to do with confidence. Reread.

Yes, the part where she feels like a microscope because dad can see and hear everything she does all day? She isn't confident in her skills. I do not have a problem with a parent being home and hanging out because I know I do an excellent job.

Good for you. You aren't putting up with the parent problem being discussed here. So try to focus.

The nanny doesn't like the dad being home. Most nannies don't. Her issue isn't original and she doesn't have the desire to work with a parent who stays at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Severed primary care relationships ARE detrimental. It lays the foundation for attachment disorder. Most parents who keep an active revolving nanny seem to be lacking in common sense.

You are spreading dangerous misinformation about attachment disorder. It's a very real and severe disorder present in children who have been extremely neglected and often lose parents in early years, or spend their early years in an orphanage, deprived of regular human contact.

Changing nannies doesn't remotely rise to the level of attachment disorder and it is ridiculous of you to suggest that.

In your mind it makes no difference how frequently the infant's/young child's primary caregiver suddenly disappears. Common sense should tell you, that notion is completely ridiculous. Perhaps you'd like to correct your insane assertion, and say that a new primary caregiver every year should be ok for most young children, although some professionals would take issue even with that.

Or even I would agree that as long as the revolving door nannies are not the child's primary caregivers, negative effects are less likely. However, most of us understand that the more waking hours the caregiver is responsible for the child, the more critical it is that the established relationship is maintained for as long as is reasonably possible. Many parents and nannies seem to pay little regard to this important issue. More care (than is usually afforded) is needed before embarking on such an important commitment, IMO.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is not going to work out. You can try to have a discussion with DB about the real issues (undermining you by taking over naptime or offering alternate food choices, talking with you during time you would prefer to be focusing on your charge), but as you can see, many parents feel entitled to interact with their child when and how they like, rather than feeling an obligation to provide their child with a consistent environment. My guess is that DB will either be angry that you want to limit his time with his child (a.k.a. Limit the time he ignores his child while simutaneously robbing the child of a caregiver's attention) or he will claim to agree and understand but ultimately fall back to the same pattern or disruption and undermining you, which will only get worse as the child gets older and more aware of how to manipulate the situation. Consideration and self-awareness are either present or absent; you can't teach them to an adult.

[Anonymous]

The dad is an ass. I'm at home unexpectedly due to breaking my arm and I stay out of the nanny's way. How the dad doesn't have the common sense to realize being a stick up the nanny's ass is obnoxious is anyone guess, but it's inexcusable. Sorry, OP. I'm an MB and I'd quit if I was nannying in this sort of situation.

[Anonymous]

dad should start taking care of his own kids, and your nanny skills can go to a family who truly needs it.

[Anonymous]

as a nanny who was micromanaged for 6 months, i say bloody run! it was hell.

anyone who says "youre not the boss. you should deal with it" blah, blah, is an asshat.

NO ONE likes having their boss around 90% of the day. whether you work at mcdonalds, an office, or a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Even if you're the best nanny in the whole world with "excellent skills" (says nanny a few posts up), it can be AWKWARD AND UNCOMFORTABLE to nanny while the parent is around! Especially when it's EVERY DAY! It's harder for me to be extra silly when I know a parent is watching, and usually the children act up knowing a parent is home, so it causes me stress.

[Anonymous]

Wow since Dad is out of work and home all day, it is weird that they are not cutting childcare costs and letting you go. I mean, the Dad can care for the toddler on his own until he gets his new business up and running, etc.

Do you think they feel guilty if they let you go?? Maybe they don't want to leave you jobless so they are trying to make the best of it. Who knows??

Or maybe you signed a contract and they cannot let you go until a certain time?

If you think they are keeping you on for your sake, then I would let them know that you are completely okay w/them letting you go since now that Dad is unemployed, money may be tighter and cutting childcare costs would benefit them in the long run.
If they agree, then that would make it easier for you to leave.

However, if they claim they want you to stay on, then I would ask Dad if you can take the toddler out on day outings.
It would get you out of the house and away from Dad's prying eyes/ears.

Hope this helps.
Good luck.