Parent quit their job, won't leave me alone!

[Anonymous]

Wow. So get over yourselves. He/she us your boss. Who can micro manage to whatever degree is needed. You can and should request a meeting, but the context isn't "dad needs to (whatever)", it is (I am finding it more difficult to maintain co distance in x,y,and z because dad goes in when baby cries during naps which seems to disrupt the nap schedule), snacking in front of baby makes it harder for me to feed meals you have requested, etc.

You aren't the boss here. But you don't come across as understanding that.

[Anonymous]

I've been in situations like this during my years as a nanny. I have had parents who could not work due to illness, parents on maternity leave, between jobs, etc...etc. Either you are fine with it, or you are not. Instead of being paranoid that you are being watched, look at it as an opportunity to show them what an awesome nanny you are and how well you do your job.

Nannies, make up your minds! You complain about parents who want nothing to do with their children, you complain about parents who come home late and you complain about parents who come home early to play with their children. You are not the boss. You are only an employee. Deal with it or move on.

[Anonymous]

OP describes a parent who should be avoided at all costs. When nannies interview with parents, they should determine if both parents have their child's healthy development as their top priority. If they seem more concerned with Nanny's obedience to the control freak parents, RUN. If they seem to view their child as an accessory to provide entertainment, RUN. If they seem in any way not commited to the hard work and responsibility of parenting, RUN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been in situations like this during my years as a nanny. I have had parents who could not work due to illness, parents on maternity leave, between jobs, etc...etc. Either you are fine with it, or you are not. Instead of being paranoid that you are being watched, look at it as an opportunity to show them what an awesome nanny you are and how well you do your job.

Nannies, make up your minds! You complain about parents who want nothing to do with their children, you complain about parents who come home late and you complain about parents who come home early to play with their children. You are not the boss. You are only an employee. Deal with it or move on.

OP's problem is that she is not being allowed to do her job. When a parent is present on a regular basis and undermines the nanny's authority, she is being prevented from performing her duties.

I've worked for parents who worked from home before, as well as a SAHM (who was very much present and parenting but had other issues which required my support) and they were wonderful relationships because none of them exhibited the kinds of behaviors OP describes in her DH. I would not be able to continue to work in an environment like she describes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you feel the situation has any real hope for a solution, you need to sit both parents down for a talk. Tell dad he needs to be on a consistant schedule as far as being "around" for his child. Ask if he would agree to regular "daddy time". It can be when he wants, but must be consistant, except for emergency changes. You can take advantage of the opportunity to accomplish other tasks. Hopefully they'll recognize the wisdom of this plan.

If dad refuses, I'd start to secure your next job.

This is bad advice. Dad can see his baby whenever he wants. If you ask for scheduled visitation, you will be fired, so please line up other employment first.

I would address specific concerns - "I would like to clarify your expectations and my role now that DB is around more."

+1. It is not appropriate for a nanny to try to limit Dad's access to his child. If you are doing your job well, you shouldn't be so sensitive about the fact that he hears you interact with your charge. You can also remedy this to some extent by taking the child out often, to the playground, playdates, on strolls, to library events. You might also want to suggest some enrichment classes in the interest of "getting out of Dad's way so he can focus on work while you are on duty."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been in situations like this during my years as a nanny. I have had parents who could not work due to illness, parents on maternity leave, between jobs, etc...etc. Either you are fine with it, or you are not. Instead of being paranoid that you are being watched, look at it as an opportunity to show them what an awesome nanny you are and how well you do your job.

Nannies, make up your minds! You complain about parents who want nothing to do with their children, you complain about parents who come home late and you complain about parents who come home early to play with their children. You are not the boss. You are only an employee. Deal with it or move on.

OP's problem is that she is not being allowed to do her job. When a parent is present on a regular basis and undermines the nanny's authority, she is being prevented from performing her duties.

I've worked for parents who worked from home before, as well as a SAHM (who was very much present and parenting but had other issues which required my support) and they were wonderful relationships because none of them exhibited the kinds of behaviors OP describes in her DH. I would not be able to continue to work in an environment like she describes.

The presence of a parent does not necessarily undermine the nanny's authority with respect to a young child. With older kids that might be true, but with younger kids, they will follow whatever is presented as normal. If the Dad lets the nanny provide primary care while he hangs back and chats with her, this shouldn't be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you feel the situation has any real hope for a solution, you need to sit both parents down for a talk. Tell dad he needs to be on a consistant schedule as far as being "around" for his child. Ask if he would agree to regular "daddy time". It can be when he wants, but must be consistant, except for emergency changes. You can take advantage of the opportunity to accomplish other tasks. Hopefully they'll recognize the wisdom of this plan.

If dad refuses, I'd start to secure your next job.

This is bad advice. Dad can see his baby whenever he wants. If you ask for scheduled visitation, you will be fired, so please line up other employment first.

I would address specific concerns - "I would like to clarify your expectations and my role now that DB is around more."

+1. It is not appropriate for a nanny to try to limit Dad's access to his child. If you are doing your job well, you shouldn't be so sensitive about the fact that he hears you interact with your charge. You can also remedy this to some extent by taking the child out often, to the playground, playdates, on strolls, to library events. You might also want to suggest some enrichment classes in the interest of "getting out of Dad's way so he can focus on work while you are on duty."

What about the benefit to the CHILD for having consistency in his day? Isn't the nanny allowed to advocate for something that will benefit her charge, even if it means educating the parents (or at least making a recommendation and asking to try it and see)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you feel the situation has any real hope for a solution, you need to sit both parents down for a talk. Tell dad he needs to be on a consistant schedule as far as being "around" for his child. Ask if he would agree to regular "daddy time". It can be when he wants, but must be consistant, except for emergency changes. You can take advantage of the opportunity to accomplish other tasks. Hopefully they'll recognize the wisdom of this plan.

If dad refuses, I'd start to secure your next job.

This is bad advice. Dad can see his baby whenever he wants. If you ask for scheduled visitation, you will be fired, so please line up other employment first.

I would address specific concerns - "I would like to clarify your expectations and my role now that DB is around more."

+1. It is not appropriate for a nanny to try to limit Dad's access to his child. If you are doing your job well, you shouldn't be so sensitive about the fact that he hears you interact with your charge. You can also remedy this to some extent by taking the child out often, to the playground, playdates, on strolls, to library events. You might also want to suggest some enrichment classes in the interest of "getting out of Dad's way so he can focus on work while you are on duty."

What about the benefit to the CHILD for having consistency in his day? Isn't the nanny allowed to advocate for something that will benefit her charge, even if it means educating the parents (or at least making a recommendation and asking to try it and see)?

It would be fine for the nanny to approach the Dad about specific behaviors, but not about his presence in the house or tendency to hang out and talk to the nanny while the nanny plays with the child. Neither of those behaviors is in any way detrimental to the child.

For example, nanny should explain how she typically handles mid-nap wakeups and explain why Dad running in excites the baby and prevents him from going back to sleep. If the chip-feeding thing is a frequent occurrence that significantly affects baby's appetite--I doubt this because most one year olds eat in a high chair and can't just jump up and run after Dad's chips in the middle of a meal--nanny should explain that it would be helpful if Dad would encourage the baby back to the table and make a big deal out of how yummy whatever the nanny is serving looks. She could also ask Dad if he would like to have a regular lunch date with the baby. That will free her up to handle food prep and cleanup while giving Dad his baby fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you feel the situation has any real hope for a solution, you need to sit both parents down for a talk. Tell dad he needs to be on a consistant schedule as far as being "around" for his child. Ask if he would agree to regular "daddy time". It can be when he wants, but must be consistant, except for emergency changes. You can take advantage of the opportunity to accomplish other tasks. Hopefully they'll recognize the wisdom of this plan.

If dad refuses, I'd start to secure your next job.

This is bad advice. Dad can see his baby whenever he wants. If you ask for scheduled visitation, you will be fired, so please line up other employment first.

I would address specific concerns - "I would like to clarify your expectations and my role now that DB is around more."

+1. It is not appropriate for a nanny to try to limit Dad's access to his child. If you are doing your job well, you shouldn't be so sensitive about the fact that he hears you interact with your charge. You can also remedy this to some extent by taking the child out often, to the playground, playdates, on strolls, to library events. You might also want to suggest some enrichment classes in the interest of "getting out of Dad's way so he can focus on work while you are on duty."

What about the benefit to the CHILD for having consistency in his day? Isn't the nanny allowed to advocate for something that will benefit her charge, even if it means educating the parents (or at least making a recommendation and asking to try it and see)?

It would be fine for the nanny to approach the Dad about specific behaviors, but not about his presence in the house or tendency to hang out and talk to the nanny while the nanny plays with the child. Neither of those behaviors is in any way detrimental to the child.

For example, nanny should explain how she typically handles mid-nap wakeups and explain why Dad running in excites the baby and prevents him from going back to sleep. If the chip-feeding thing is a frequent occurrence that significantly affects baby's appetite--I doubt this because most one year olds eat in a high chair and can't just jump up and run after Dad's chips in the middle of a meal--nanny should explain that it would be helpful if Dad would encourage the baby back to the table and make a big deal out of how yummy whatever the nanny is serving looks. She could also ask Dad if he would like to have a regular lunch date with the baby. That will free her up to handle food prep and cleanup while giving Dad his baby fix.

His presence and behaviors are disrupting the child's routine. Detrimental. His hanging out with and talking to the nanny is distracting her from the child's care (Detrimental) and making her uncomfortable (Detrimental) which will quite likely lead to her seeking other employment and the baby having to adjust to a new caregiver (if not detrimental, at least a tough and unnecessary transition).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you feel the situation has any real hope for a solution, you need to sit both parents down for a talk. Tell dad he needs to be on a consistant schedule as far as being "around" for his child. Ask if he would agree to regular "daddy time". It can be when he wants, but must be consistant, except for emergency changes. You can take advantage of the opportunity to accomplish other tasks. Hopefully they'll recognize the wisdom of this plan.

If dad refuses, I'd start to secure your next job.

This is bad advice. Dad can see his baby whenever he wants. If you ask for scheduled visitation, you will be fired, so please line up other employment first.

I would address specific concerns - "I would like to clarify your expectations and my role now that DB is around more."

+1. It is not appropriate for a nanny to try to limit Dad's access to his child. If you are doing your job well, you shouldn't be so sensitive about the fact that he hears you interact with your charge. You can also remedy this to some extent by taking the child out often, to the playground, playdates, on strolls, to library events. You might also want to suggest some enrichment classes in the interest of "getting out of Dad's way so he can focus on work while you are on duty."

What about the benefit to the CHILD for having consistency in his day? Isn't the nanny allowed to advocate for something that will benefit her charge, even if it means educating the parents (or at least making a recommendation and asking to try it and see)?

It would be fine for the nanny to approach the Dad about specific behaviors, but not about his presence in the house or tendency to hang out and talk to the nanny while the nanny plays with the child. Neither of those behaviors is in any way detrimental to the child.

For example, nanny should explain how she typically handles mid-nap wakeups and explain why Dad running in excites the baby and prevents him from going back to sleep. If the chip-feeding thing is a frequent occurrence that significantly affects baby's appetite--I doubt this because most one year olds eat in a high chair and can't just jump up and run after Dad's chips in the middle of a meal--nanny should explain that it would be helpful if Dad would encourage the baby back to the table and make a big deal out of how yummy whatever the nanny is serving looks. She could also ask Dad if he would like to have a regular lunch date with the baby. That will free her up to handle food prep and cleanup while giving Dad his baby fix.

His presence and behaviors are disrupting the child's routine. Detrimental. His hanging out with and talking to the nanny is distracting her from the child's care (Detrimental) and making her uncomfortable (Detrimental) which will quite likely lead to her seeking other employment and the baby having to adjust to a new caregiver (if not detrimental, at least a tough and unnecessary transition).

Severed primary care relationships ARE detrimental. It lays the foundation for attachment disorder. Most parents who keep an active revolving nanny seem to be lacking in common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you feel the situation has any real hope for a solution, you need to sit both parents down for a talk. Tell dad he needs to be on a consistant schedule as far as being "around" for his child. Ask if he would agree to regular "daddy time". It can be when he wants, but must be consistant, except for emergency changes. You can take advantage of the opportunity to accomplish other tasks. Hopefully they'll recognize the wisdom of this plan.

If dad refuses, I'd start to secure your next job.

This is bad advice. Dad can see his baby whenever he wants. If you ask for scheduled visitation, you will be fired, so please line up other employment first.

I would address specific concerns - "I would like to clarify your expectations and my role now that DB is around more."

+1. It is not appropriate for a nanny to try to limit Dad's access to his child. If you are doing your job well, you shouldn't be so sensitive about the fact that he hears you interact with your charge. You can also remedy this to some extent by taking the child out often, to the playground, playdates, on strolls, to library events. You might also want to suggest some enrichment classes in the interest of "getting out of Dad's way so he can focus on work while you are on duty."

What about the benefit to the CHILD for having consistency in his day? Isn't the nanny allowed to advocate for something that will benefit her charge, even if it means educating the parents (or at least making a recommendation and asking to try it and see)?

It would be fine for the nanny to approach the Dad about specific behaviors, but not about his presence in the house or tendency to hang out and talk to the nanny while the nanny plays with the child. Neither of those behaviors is in any way detrimental to the child.

For example, nanny should explain how she typically handles mid-nap wakeups and explain why Dad running in excites the baby and prevents him from going back to sleep. If the chip-feeding thing is a frequent occurrence that significantly affects baby's appetite--I doubt this because most one year olds eat in a high chair and can't just jump up and run after Dad's chips in the middle of a meal--nanny should explain that it would be helpful if Dad would encourage the baby back to the table and make a big deal out of how yummy whatever the nanny is serving looks. She could also ask Dad if he would like to have a regular lunch date with the baby. That will free her up to handle food prep and cleanup while giving Dad his baby fix.

His presence and behaviors are disrupting the child's routine. Detrimental. His hanging out with and talking to the nanny is distracting her from the child's care (Detrimental) and making her uncomfortable (Detrimental) which will quite likely lead to her seeking other employment and the baby having to adjust to a new caregiver (if not detrimental, at least a tough and unnecessary transition).

Severed primary care relationships ARE detrimental. It lays the foundation for attachment disorder. Most parents who keep an active revolving nanny seem to be lacking in common sense.

*revolving nanny door

[Anonymous]

If a nanny isn't confident enough in her skills to be able to work when a parent around, she should find a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a nanny isn't confident enough in her skills to be able to work when a parent around, she should find a new job.

This problem has nothing to do with confidence. Reread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a nanny isn't confident enough in her skills to be able to work when a parent around, she should find a new job.

This problem has nothing to do with confidence. Reread.

Yes, the part where she feels like a microscope because dad can see and hear everything she does all day? She isn't confident in her skills. I do not have a problem with a parent being home and hanging out because I know I do an excellent job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a nanny isn't confident enough in her skills to be able to work when a parent around, she should find a new job.

This problem has nothing to do with confidence. Reread.

Yes, the part where she feels like a microscope because dad can see and hear everything she does all day? She isn't confident in her skills. I do not have a problem with a parent being home and hanging out because I know I do an excellent job.

Good for you. You aren't putting up with the parent problem being discussed here. So try to focus.