Potential Nanny will bring their toddler along

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but no. Your nanny is ALWAYS going to put her own child's needs before yours.

Liar.

You obviously don't have children so you can't possibly put yourself in that position. What mother wouldn't put their child first just out of natural instinct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but no. Your nanny is ALWAYS going to put her own child's needs before yours.

Liar.

You obviously don't have children so you can't possibly put yourself in that position. What mother wouldn't put their child first just out of natural instinct?

I am a mother, dumbass, who has never abandoned her child, dumbass. Did we already say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but no. Your nanny is ALWAYS going to put her own child's needs before yours.

Liar.

You obviously don't have children so you can't possibly put yourself in that position. What mother wouldn't put their child first just out of natural instinct?

I am a mother, dumbass, who has never abandoned her child, dumbass. Did we already say that?

What? I think you're the dumbass. Also, you use too many commas. So hi comma nanny! I never said you abandoned your child, DUMBASS. That's why my argument is that you would put YOUR OWN child before anyone else's. READ before you argue. You make yourself look stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but no. Your nanny is ALWAYS going to put her own child's needs before yours.

Liar.

You obviously don't have children so you can't possibly put yourself in that position. What mother wouldn't put their child first just out of natural instinct?

I am a mother, dumbass, who has never abandoned her child, dumbass. Did we already say that?

NP here. Name calling only shows that you don't have a valid argument. Let me give you a word of advice. If you want people to see your side of an argument try politely explaining your point. I don't necessarily disagree with your actual point of view when it comes to nannies bringing their children but your angry comments make me want to side with the ones who disagree with you. Several of the posters presented well thought out arguments. Maybe if you presented it like that people would listen to you. When you present yourself like this it makes you seem uneducated and only makes people want to disagree more strongly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but no. Your nanny is ALWAYS going to put her own child's needs before yours.

Liar.

You obviously don't have children so you can't possibly put yourself in that position. What mother wouldn't put their child first just out of natural instinct?

What she thought was so obvious, wasn't after all. That's what I call not-so-bright. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but no. Your nanny is ALWAYS going to put her own child's needs before yours.

Liar.

You obviously don't have children so you can't possibly put yourself in that position. What mother wouldn't put their child first just out of natural instinct?

What she thought was so obvious, wasn't after all. That's what I call not-so-bright. Sorry.

You seriously make ZERO sense. I assumed PP did not have children because ANYONE who is a mother would put their own child before anyone else's. That was my argument. You called me a liar. So you're telling me that you would put someone else's kid before your own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI, 17:23 is our hateful control freak. You'll soon come to recognize her as our perpetual doom and gloom imaginary "market rate" know-it-all. In reality there's no such thing as "market rate" in the nanny world until we begin to collect actual data. Random polls among your girlfriends or neighbors does not translate into "market rate".

Asking your nanny friends and acquaintances what they are paid and which fringe benefits they receive is similarly unreliable in determining what is "stqndqrd."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, 17:23 is our hateful control freak. You'll soon come to recognize her as our perpetual doom and gloom imaginary "market rate" know-it-all. In reality there's no such thing as "market rate" in the nanny world until we begin to collect actual data. Random polls among your girlfriends or neighbors does not translate into "market rate".

Asking your nanny friends and acquaintances what they are paid and which fringe benefits they receive is similarly unreliable in determining what is "stqndqrd."

That's what I said, Einstein. Reread my last sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I'm interviewing a potential nanny who came highly recommended from a good friend who will no longer need her once their kids go to school full time in the fall. Other than having a personality clash or a ridiculously unreasonable rate, I'm pretty sure we'll be hiring her. However, I've mentioned to a couple of friends that she'll be bringing her toddler along while taking care of my baby and they've all made a disapproving face. Is anyone else in a situation where their nanny brings along their kid and have you had any issues with that?

I originally didn't see an issue. I mean with daycare, one person is in charge of looking after several children. Thoughts?


You should definitely search past threads on this old topic. There are almost no advantages to you, as an MB, to agree to a nanny bringing her own child.

The only true advantage is financial. If a nanny brings her own child, you are in a nanny share. Therefore, you should pay nanny share rates. In DC, you should pay $9-$10/hr for the share. You should pay less than your nanny to compensate you for hosting the share, taking on the liability of another child being cared for in your home, and on the wear and tear on your home for hosting a share. Also, you need to carefully consider what your child will miss out on as a result her child's schedule. For example, if her child is younger than yours, then her child's nap schedule will affect the activities your child can participate in.

The disadvantages to you are obvious. Liability, schedules, sharing a nanny who has a greater investment in her child than your own, additional expenses if she expects you to provide lunch and other premium perks normally afforded professional nannies. A nanny who brings her own child is not professional. You may appreciate the financial advantages, and there is nothing wrong with that, but there is nothing professional about bringing one's one child, no matter what the promises from the nanny that they will be treated equal in the share.

If you decide to do this, structure your work agreement carefully, invest in cameras, and plan to spend more than you would have to if you employed a professional nanny or entered into a true nanny share with an unrelated family.


OP, please don't be scared off by this crap. Most of it is incorrect but I won't derail your thread by pinpointing the errors. I'd concern yourself with the people you know - your friend who recommended her, your impression of her, her references, and anyone else you consult and ignore the toxic people on this forum.

The only point I absolutely MUST contradict is that she can't possibly be a professional. We have no idea who she is or how professional she is, BUT many professional nannies bring their own children. In fact, a career nanny TYPICALLY does bring her kids at some point in time, because this is how she makes a living. The fact that your candidate, OP, will be bringing her toddler tells us nothing at all about how professional she is.



There is nothing toxic about the post or poster you urge OP to disregard. As another MB, I think she made some very valid points. Hiring a nanny who brings her children to work means participating in a nanny share, and there are both advantages and disadvantages to shares. The biggest advantage is typically cost savings. Expect to pay at least $15 per hour for a nanny caring for one infant, but $9-10 per hour for one slot in a two-child nanny share.

Some nannies feel they should be able to bring their child to work and get paid as if they were focusing solely on your child, so they try to convince you that having their child around will benefit you because your child will have a playmate or surrogate sibling. This is questionable. Most parents with two children recognize that the second child gets less attention early on than the first child got. Most also feel that this disadvantage of being #2 is ultimately offset by the benefits of growing up with a sibling. However, a nanny's child is unlikely to be a long-term presence in your child's life, so your child may face the negatives of being a second child (less one-on-one adult interaction) without reaping the benefits. There are many ways to get the positives (socialization) for your child without entering into a share.

In your case, it may be that the friend's recommendation and the nanny's personality and credentials are enough to get you past the negatives. Only you can make that choice.

Yes. +1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm interviewing a potential nanny who came highly recommended from a good friend who will no longer need her once their kids go to school full time in the fall. Other than having a personality clash or a ridiculously unreasonable rate, I'm pretty sure we'll be hiring her. However, I've mentioned to a couple of friends that she'll be bringing her toddler along while taking care of my baby and they've all made a disapproving face. Is anyone else in a situation where their nanny brings along their kid and have you had any issues with that?

I originally didn't see an issue. I mean with daycare, one person is in charge of looking after several children. Thoughts?

OP, several posters made very good suggestions about things you need to think through before you contemplate this arrangement. I would just reiterate that this sort of childcare arrangement needs to cost way less than a nanny sans child whose sole focus will be your baby.

I would also urge you to think through the very real differences in schedules between babies and toddlers, as well as things that fill up the day of a typical baby vs. toddler.

You may find people for whom this arrangement has worked. You will also find those for whom it did not. The important part is not to hope for the best, but to carefully think through all the aspects of potential differences, and figure out how you want to handle them, and get the nanny, if you like her, to understand and agree to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Forgot to mention that I agree that a nanny who brings her child is not necessarily any less professional than one who doesn't, provided that this doesn't interfere with her ability to treat the job like a job and provided further that she is reasonable enough to recognize that being permitted to bring her child is a perk for her, not a benefit for you.

You are relentless, 18:02, with your utter nonsense. Just because you couldn't make it work out for you, doesn't mean that it doesn't work out very well for many other families, especially those with only one child.

It's called a mutual benefit, otherwise known as win-win-win, for MB, Nanny, and most of all the children, who both get the best possible care.

There are just as many families for whom it doesn't work out. You have no way to tell which is more common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Forgot to mention that I agree that a nanny who brings her child is not necessarily any less professional than one who doesn't, provided that this doesn't interfere with her ability to treat the job like a job and provided further that she is reasonable enough to recognize that being permitted to bring her child is a perk for her, not a benefit for you.

You are relentless, 18:02, with your utter nonsense. Just because you couldn't make it work out for you, doesn't mean that it doesn't work out very well for many other families, especially those with only one child.

It's called a mutual benefit, otherwise known as win-win-win, for MB, Nanny, and most of all the children, who both get the best possible care.

There are just as many families for whom it doesn't work out. You have no way to tell which is more common.

Unlike yourself, I continue to speak for myself and my own personal experiences and those with other families. You are the one with the "always" and "never" nonsense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Forgot to mention that I agree that a nanny who brings her child is not necessarily any less professional than one who doesn't, provided that this doesn't interfere with her ability to treat the job like a job and provided further that she is reasonable enough to recognize that being permitted to bring her child is a perk for her, not a benefit for you.

You are relentless, 18:02, with your utter nonsense. Just because you couldn't make it work out for you, doesn't mean that it doesn't work out very well for many other families, especially those with only one child.

It's called a mutual benefit, otherwise known as win-win-win, for MB, Nanny, and most of all the children, who both get the best possible care.

There are just as many families for whom it doesn't work out. You have no way to tell which is more common.

Unlike yourself, I continue to speak for myself and my own personal experiences and those with other families. You are the one with the "always" and "never" nonsense?

Why get angry when someone disagrees with you? Argue with opinions, don't get personal. This is an anonymous board. You have no idea who posts and who you are arguing with. You may think it's the same person but may as well be a dozen different ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Forgot to mention that I agree that a nanny who brings her child is not necessarily any less professional than one who doesn't, provided that this doesn't interfere with her ability to treat the job like a job and provided further that she is reasonable enough to recognize that being permitted to bring her child is a perk for her, not a benefit for you.

You are relentless, 18:02, with your utter nonsense. Just because you couldn't make it work out for you, doesn't mean that it doesn't work out very well for many other families, especially those with only one child.

It's called a mutual benefit, otherwise known as win-win-win, for MB, Nanny, and most of all the children, who both get the best possible care.

There are just as many families for whom it doesn't work out. You have no way to tell which is more common.

Unlike yourself, I continue to speak for myself and my own personal experiences and those with other families. You are the one with the "always" and "never" nonsense?

Why get angry when someone disagrees with you? Argue with opinions, don't get personal. This is an anonymous board. You have no idea who posts and who you are arguing with. You may think it's the same person but may as well be a dozen different ones.

What makes you think I get angry when someone disagrees with me?

[Anonymous]

Good luck to you, OP.
Hope it all works out.