Nanny's second day - I should just chill right?

[Anonymous]

I was at home with the nanny and the baby yesterday and showed her everything, including how I swaddled the baby and how I put her to sleep. This is a seasoned nanny with plenty of experience. She asked me if she had to use the swaddle and I said no, she could definitely do it her way as long as the baby can get enough sleep. Nanny definitely wants to do things her way, which I am 100% fine with and certainly appreciate and welcome her view on things.

Today I am working from home (tomorrow will be in the office). I am trying very hard to stay here in the basement because I hear the baby crying a lot. I know she needs to go to sleep... and I also know that the nanny is trying to do things her way which is different from what I was doing, so the baby isn't used to it. She is rocking her downstairs for instance, whereas I always went into the bedroom, then there is the swaddle thing, I always turn on white noise, etc.

I think I just need a pep talk I think because it's hard to hear your own baby cry! This will all sort itself out in a few days right? TIA for the support!

[Anonymous]

Your baby, your rules. Decide for yourself if you want baby to experience "your way" and then, at different times, "nanny's way". I wouldn't micromanage her over exactly how she folds a bib or changes a diaper, but there are some things where I want consistency, and my child's routine is one of those.

In my humble opinion, your child's routine should govern, not the nanny's habits.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you're new to employing a nanny. Think of it this way: the number 1 priority is the well being of your child. You have so far been the primary caregiver and know your baby best. She knows a lot about being a caregiver, and that is something that you and your baby can benefit from. Approach this as a two-way street, but ultimately you are the employer.

I think you should say that on second though, you would like her to try your way, at least at first so that the baby can get comfortable with her. It's not fair on the baby to not only have a new caregiver, but one who does things so differently.

Why don't you say that while you are happy to have her input once the nanny settles in and bonds with the baby, you think it might be more reassuring for the baby to have some consistency in routines around napping, eating, etc. Then if the nanny is finding that certain parts of the routine aren't working for her and it is in the best interests of the baby to change them, that would be fine. To be diplomatic you can explain that this is all very new to you and hope she will understand and be patient with you.

[Anonymous]

Yes you need to chill out. Your baby will have many caregivers over the years, this is just the beginning, and she will do just fine. I agree with the PP that there are situations in which you want consistency, but I think those things are bigger picture things (discipline, rules, sleep training or not, etc.) and those are all of course ultimately your decision. However you already said what is important is that the baby gets her sleep. Give the nanny a couple of days to figure out what works for her and let your baby adjust before you start managing exactly how she meets your expections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your baby, your rules. Decide for yourself if you want baby to experience "your way" and then, at different times, "nanny's way". I wouldn't micromanage her over exactly how she folds a bib or changes a diaper, but there are some things where I want consistency, and my child's routine is one of those.

In my humble opinion, your child's routine should govern, not the nanny's habits.

That is exactly what micromanaging is.

[Anonymous]

You have to keep in mind that your baby and the nanny are not used to each other yet. It takes time for that bond to strengthen. Within a few weeks the crying will lessen, baby will be used to being rocked downstairs and nanny will know your baby's cues.
It's also not necessarily a bad thing that nanny does things differently than you do. Your baby will be used to many ways instead of one. She will definitely be more adaptable.
Give her a bit of space, but most importantly, your support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to keep in mind that your baby and the nanny are not used to each other yet. It takes time for that bond to strengthen. Within a few weeks the crying will lessen, baby will be used to being rocked downstairs and nanny will know your baby's cues.
It's also not necessarily a bad thing that nanny does things differently than you do. Your baby will be used to many ways instead of one. She will definitely be more adaptable.
Give her a bit of space, but most importantly, your support.

This is the OP. This is exactly what I am thinking. I believe DD is a bit too dependent on the swaddle right now, and we had a ROUGH car trip several weeks back b/c of it, so I actual am glad that she isn't using it.

I really appreciate all of the opinions and support. I think I will show her how to use the white noise machine tomorrow morning and gently suggest she might be able to stretch the nap out that way. She actually may not know how to use it b/c I didn't show her specifically. I have asked her a couple of times today if she has any questions and if she is doing ok, and she is very confident that things are going well, so I am trying to steer clear and not be in the way. It will probably be better when I am out of the house tomorrow .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your baby, your rules. Decide for yourself if you want baby to experience "your way" and then, at different times, "nanny's way". I wouldn't micromanage her over exactly how she folds a bib or changes a diaper, but there are some things where I want consistency, and my child's routine is one of those.

In my humble opinion, your child's routine should govern, not the nanny's habits.

That is exactly what micromanaging is.

No it's not. Not micromanaging doesn't mean NEVER managing. It doesn't mean never asking the nanny to do things "your way." It means what the PP said, not managing how she changes the diaper or folds a bib or every little thing but picking the things that are important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your baby, your rules. Decide for yourself if you want baby to experience "your way" and then, at different times, "nanny's way". I wouldn't micromanage her over exactly how she folds a bib or changes a diaper, but there are some things where I want consistency, and my child's routine is one of those.

In my humble opinion, your child's routine should govern, not the nanny's habits.

That is exactly what micromanaging is.

No it's not. Not micromanaging doesn't mean NEVER managing. It doesn't mean never asking the nanny to do things "your way." It means what the PP said, not managing how she changes the diaper or folds a bib or every little thing but picking the things that are important.

Key words here. The things OP is talking about are NOT important. The nap is important. It doesn't matter how she gets there, unless nanny were doing something grossly out of line with OPs parenting style (prolonged cry it out, if OP is an AP parent). Good managers are concerned with results, not the minutiae of how they happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your baby, your rules. Decide for yourself if you want baby to experience "your way" and then, at different times, "nanny's way". I wouldn't micromanage her over exactly how she folds a bib or changes a diaper, but there are some things where I want consistency, and my child's routine is one of those.

In my humble opinion, your child's routine should govern, not the nanny's habits.

That is exactly what micromanaging is.

No it's not. Not micromanaging doesn't mean NEVER managing. It doesn't mean never asking the nanny to do things "your way." It means what the PP said, not managing how she changes the diaper or folds a bib or every little thing but picking the things that are important.

Key words here. The things OP is talking about are NOT important. The nap is important. It doesn't matter how she gets there, unless nanny were doing something grossly out of line with OPs parenting style (prolonged cry it out, if OP is an AP parent). Good managers are concerned with results, not the minutiae of how they happen.

Precisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your baby, your rules. Decide for yourself if you want baby to experience "your way" and then, at different times, "nanny's way". I wouldn't micromanage her over exactly how she folds a bib or changes a diaper, but there are some things where I want consistency, and my child's routine is one of those.

In my humble opinion, your child's routine should govern, not the nanny's habits.

That is exactly what micromanaging is.

No it's not. Not micromanaging doesn't mean NEVER managing. It doesn't mean never asking the nanny to do things "your way." It means what the PP said, not managing how she changes the diaper or folds a bib or every little thing but picking the things that are important.

Key words here. The things OP is talking about are NOT important. The nap is important. It doesn't matter how she gets there, unless nanny were doing something grossly out of line with OPs parenting style (prolonged cry it out, if OP is an AP parent). Good managers are concerned with results, not the minutiae of how they happen.

I agree, but OPs concern was that the baby wasn't getting a good nap because of the lack of swaddling, sound machine etc. If the baby can take a good nap without those things, absolutely don't say anything to the nanny but if the baby was not sleeping well that's a different story.

[Anonymous]

If baby has an established routine, why is the nanny trying to rock the boat? Yes, she may be experienced, but if I were to go into someone's house and mom tells me this is the routine, I would follow it. It would be different if mom said she needs help getting baby to nap, but that is not the case.
I get that nanny and baby need time to bond, but I would follow what has already been established to help make that bonding go smoothly.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- I have 20yrs experience and would never arrive on a job and change things the first couple days. The baby needs routine and she already has enough change with a new caregiver. Why would the nanny make so many drastic changes before the baby even gets to know her?? She needs to do what is best for the baby and right now that's following the established routine. Your 'experienced' nanny doesn't sound like she knows much about child development and caring for babies.

[Anonymous]

OP - how old is your baby? DC was dependent on the swaddle too and we made the mistake of trying to break the habit too early - it was a disaster. Babies grow out of needing a swaddle when they are ready. When he was ready to be out of it, it was surprisingly easy to stop swaddling. Now rocking to sleep is a whole other story - much harder habit to break. I am all for letting your nanny do her thing, but I am not sure the things you are describing are things I'd want my nanny doing just so she can do things "her way" especially if your way works. Why on earth rock the boat? There is a big difference btwn micromanaging (as a PP said - how she folds a bib or puts on a diaper), and parenting. Have confidence in the routine you established! If it works, there is nothing wrong with asking the nanny to go with it.

[Anonymous]

If baby is newborn she SHOULD be swaddled and have white noise. I would not have given nanny the choice at the expense of my baby's developmental needs. If baby is 3+ mos then I'd agree w/ eliminating swaddle slowly but wouldn't just yank it & white noise away- that's just mean..

Seasoned doesn't = knows best.

-nanny of 15 years