Delicate issue with nanny and bee allergy

[Anonymous]

Hi all,
DC's nanny has been with us for almost 3 years and we absolutely LOVE her. Can't imagine her not being with us, and I do believe the feeling is mutual.

Anyways, last year, she was stung by a bee and had an allergic reaction for the first time in her life. Thankfully it was considered a mild reaction because her face did not swell, she did not have difficulty breathing, and her throat did not swell (she went to the ER anyways per my direction when I saw how swollen/red her leg was and how she'd broken out in hives). Doctor warned that just because this one was mild, it did not mean she couldn't have a severe reaction and gave her an epi-pen. I myself have an epi-pen for a food allergy and DCs know what to do if an allergic reaction occurs. It was towards the end of "bee season" when this occured so we really didn't have to deal with it much.

Fast forward to now when the bees are coming out again (we aren't in the DC area) and she's very hesitant to take DC to certain places that have a higher population of bees. Luckily there are many parks/playgrounds around so we've been able to work with her to find a place to go that is not heavily populated with flowers/clover and has less bees. Also we've said it is ok if she does not stay at a playground/park if she and our youngest are the only ones there since youngest is too young to know how to dial 911.
Unfortunately, it seems that whenever she sees a bee at a park/playground, even if it is just one, she refuses to go back. It is quickly narrowing down the places she'll go, and she's even hesitant to take DC into our back yard because there are currently a few bees flying around trying to figure out where to build a home. DH will spray, but it is hard to spray when they haven't settled into one place yet.

I really am not sure how to handle this. Our youngest is a toddler and needs to be outside/active and can't be inside all day. On the other hand, I understand how scary having an allergic reaction is and how terrifying it can be to know there is a danger out there that may prevent you from being able to breathe. I'm just at a loss. I want to be supportive and understanding of her allergies, but I also have to look out for my kid too and it is just unrealistic for him to spend most of the spring/summer inside.

So please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Wow - that is a tough one... I understand both of your positions. Hmmm...

No child should ever have to stay inside or away from flowers and clover because of a caretakers allergy or fear. And there are people walking around in parks and woods every day with bee sting allergies for which they simply take precautions.

Is your nanny educated? Perhaps you could get an allergist to speak to her about all the necessary precautions and then insist that she take your children to the parks. Even for her sake, no one should be afraid to go outside to a park - especially not after the winter the eastern seaboard has had. It's no way to live.

[Anonymous]

Can you instead during heavy bee season have her go to indoor activities? There are tons of open gyms at the gymnastics places as well as other activities like a nanny and me class you could splurge on and take him to the playground when you get home. Honestly, I can't blame her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you instead during heavy bee season have her go to indoor activities? There are tons of open gyms at the gymnastics places as well as other activities like a nanny and me class you could splurge on and take him to the playground when you get home. Honestly, I can't blame her.

OP here. I can't blame her either, but unfortunately I really don't want DS to be inside 35 hrs a week and during the best part of the day (i.e. before 5:30 when he's exhausted from the long day already). He's generally in bed around 7:30 so between dinner/bath plus balancing the older kids' homework needs, etc. relying on after DH or I get home in order to go outside just isn't ideal for our family's needs.

Our nanny is very educated, but I will suggest she bring up her fear to her allergist. I went through something similar when I was diagnosed with my food allergy (it was a sudden onset in my 20s) but I realized I couldn't let it hold me back and interfere with my life the way I was letting it. Kind of hard to suggest that to someone else though without sounding incredibly patronizing.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. DH doesn't quite get it since he has no allergies so he has a hard time really understanding how the fear impacts you.

Anyways, thanks PPs

[Anonymous]

Let's assume that she started working for you when she was 18. So now she's at LEAST 21. She went through 21 years of life without getting stung by a bee. It'd be QUITE a fluke for her to get stung a second time in two years. You said she's highly educated - has she taken statistics?

She is letting fear override logic. Couldn't she spray OFF or whatever that stuff is all over her??

[Anonymous]

Good god woman, STOP SPRAYING THE BEES!!!! Bees are dying left and right due to idiots spraying non stop. You realize we NEED bees to grow food, right? Tell her to buck up and deal with it. Do some bona fide research on how to prevent stings, but for the love of all that's holy don't spray!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Presumably most of her fear is about being out with just the kids and having to rely on the hope that one of the strangers at the park will a) recognize that she's having an allergic reaction to the sting and b) have knowledge of how to use an epi-pen and c) keep an eye on the children while she's incapacitated. That's a lot to put on a random stranger in the park.

Does she have any nanny friends (or do you have any SAHM friends) that she could meet at the park for a play date once or twice a week? That way there is another adult around that she knows will take charge in case of an emergency.

[Anonymous]

If she had interviewed with you and said "I have a crippling fear of bees and can not take your child out of the house" would you have hired her?

If no, then you have no duty to keep her. She can go find a nice safe indoor only job. Just because she was working for you when she decided to be deathly afraid of bees doesn't make supporting her financially your families responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I'm Diabetic and worry about going into a coma or having complications. But I'm also a nanny and it doesn't affect my job at all. Your nanny is acting crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good god woman, STOP SPRAYING THE BEES!!!! Bees are dying left and right due to idiots spraying non stop. You realize we NEED bees to grow food, right? Tell her to buck up and deal with it. Do some bona fide research on how to prevent stings, but for the love of all that's holy don't spray!!!!!

OFF is an insect repellent you apply to yourself, not an insecticide.

[Anonymous]

I am a Nanny who also is allergic to beestings OP. I also know people who are deathly afraid of bees in general...I am not deathly afraid, but they do scare me.

Understand that for her, being stung by a bee can result in death. So her fear is not some irrational phobia. People have and continue to die from beestings.

This is a tough call and it ultimately is up to you + how much you like this particular Nanny and what you are willing to do to compromise w/her.

If she is priceless to you, and worth her weight in gold, then you may have to make some sacrifices on your end to keep her happy even if it means your son will not be outdoors as much as you will like.

However, if your desire to have your son spend time outdoors overrides your feelings about your nanny and you think she is replaceable, then by all means do what you feel is best for you + your family.

For me, loyalty overrides everything, but to each his own.

I wish you the best of luck OP in whatever decision you arrive at.

Good luck to all of you.

[Anonymous]

Let her wear whatever protective clothing some beekeepers like to wear.
Done.

Also, after three years in your neighborhood, she should have some acquaintances to meet up with in the parks, or your child's friends.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for the replies. If we were interviewing her and she said she was not comfortable bringing DCs outside if there were bees around, we would not have hired her. But that doesn't mean we are willing to lose her either. I'm trying to come up with some sort of compromise.

She doesn't stay at parks/playgrounds when she is the only adult, but I will suggest that maybe she talk to one of the mom/nanny friends she has around here about the situation and the possible need for help/the epi-pen. Perhaps that will make it better if she knows someone is with her who understands the situation and is able to act accordingly.

I was also thinking of offering to pay for her to go see my allergist (her husband's insurance is out of network for this doctor) because he was incredible with helping me get past the fears associated with my allergy. Just have to figure out a way to word it that does not sound rude and patronizing.

We love her and she's a great nanny, but if we can't figure out a solution to this that makes both of us comfortable, I really don't think I can let my son be kept inside all spring/summer because of bees. I'm fine if it isn't as much as we'd like, but not at all just isn't realistic.

Oh and to another PP, she wasn't always allergic to bees. it seems to be a late onset allergy as she said she's been stung in the past and has never had swelling or hives.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she just isn't that bright if she's constantly being stung by bees. I mean I'm 30 and I haven't been stung by a bee yet I've been around bees and wasps plenty. Maybe ask her not to attack their beehives?

[Anonymous]

If it's a mild allergy can that cause a deadly reaction? Or is it just uncomfortable hives and such?