attachment-style parents driving me crazy

[Anonymous]

Some parents feel its the best way to raise children and as a nanny I will strive to support their decision. I am having a tuff time making the adjustment though, as this is my first experience with this type of parenting.

I was instructed that
1. they do not use the word 'no' with their kids
2. the only way baby can sleep is if I hold him while he is sleeping or lay down with him and hold him. This means I have to lay in my employers bed bc they don't have a guest room which is a tad creepy.
3. if the baby cries, at all, pick him up
4. boundaries should be few and as limited as possible. They gave an example that f the little one picks up something dangerous, like a bottle of cleaner, let him hold it and check it out while explaining that it is dangerous rather than saying the item is off limits.

What words do you use that a one year old can understand if not 'no'? Any other nannies sleeping with their charge in this way? Should I just bring my own sheet and pillow to work? How to stay sane without letting them cry sometimes? How do you explain to a baby why a bottle of cleaner is dangerous? Will he truly understand what the boundaries are- safe to look at but not safe to drink or get on his hands?

[Anonymous]

I can't work for self proclaimed attachment parents. I believe in gentle discipline, and meeting a child's needs, but not in coddling them to the point of ridiculousness. I think if parents choose this method of parenting, one of them needs to stay home with the mondo brat they will raise. Sorry OP. I've tried it, and it doesn't get better.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, I agree with holding the baby while he sleeps and carrying/wearing the baby as much as possible but the rest is nutso. You have to say no and cannot allow one second's delay when the child is holding or about to grab something dangerous. And I would NEVER even sit on my employers bed!!! That is very creepy!

[Anonymous]

Run!

[Anonymous]

These co-dependent parents don't understand how to do it correctly. What they're doing is unintentionally damaging their children. It's really so sad.

As a professional, I could never stand by quietly and watch. It's like doing nothing if you see a child running into a busy street. Would you keep your mouth closed and say nothing? I don't care if the parent says it's fine. I know damn well, it isn't.

But if you don't have enough experience/knowledge about this, I understand how you might not be so sure.

[Anonymous]

I personally could never work for a family like this. I love baby wearing so that isn't an issue but having to hold the baby and sleep in your bosses bed while it sleeps? No. Allowing a kid to pick up dangers objects? No. That is not my style at all and I know I would never do good in a job like that. OP- maybe you need to find a new job. There are some nannies that are 100% for this type of care and others that aren't.

[Anonymous]

MB here. This totally isn't my style (and I can't really imagine it working for me, or for most parents, long-term) but it does sound like you'd be better off finding another position.

How will they expect you to manage tantrums, running into the street, the gazillion dangerous things a kid will do when he/she first become mobile but doesn't have reason or language yet?

I can't imagine not saying no!

Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Most school districts around the country I know Howard county in Maryland for example don't use the word no. They talk around it by saying something about your hands and the child knows to stop touching whatever it is. No is considered negative. I think it is ridiculous and that children need boundaries but this seems to be here to stay.

[Anonymous]

These parents are such a joke. If you want to be an attachment parent WHY DO YOU HAVE A NANNY??? Losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These parents are such a joke. If you want to be an attachment parent WHY DO YOU HAVE A NANNY??? Losers.

You are actually right. It's just too bad they're giving "attatchment parenting" a bad name. They're dumping their own mental health problems on their child. Some of these parents need to get some good therapy to help themselves, or their child will develop problems to. These things usually get passed on.

Listen to parents tell you about their own childhoods. This is very important. If they never tell you anything about how they grew up, I'd be concerned.

[Anonymous]

I don't work for AP parents, but I have had my fair share of Montessori style Nanny Families and I've just adapted acros the board saying "Larla/Larlo this is unavailable to you"
I can't remember the last time I've said "no" to a charge. This Montessori way just seems gentler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't work for AP parents, but I have had my fair share of Montessori style Nanny Families and I've just adapted acros the board saying "Larla/Larlo this is unavailable to you"
I can't remember the last time I've said "no" to a charge. This Montessori way just seems gentler.

Montessori doesn't let you say "no"?
That can't be right.

[Anonymous]

I worked for a family that did a VERY laid-back version of attachment parenting. In your example with the bottle of cleaner instead of saying "No!" I would tell my charges "Cleaner is dangerous" and gently remove it from their hands after they had time to check out the bottle- they don't really understand it but they're not hurting themselves either.

[Anonymous]

I don't work for AP parents because so much of what you describe is NUTSO, but I do refrain from saying " no" as much as possible. I use it for really dangerous moments (toddler climbing over the back of a kitchen chair, baby sticking fingers in an outlet not yet covered, etc.) and it is so unexpected and shocking they always freeze immediately. Like PP I use alternative phrasing, like "we don't drum on the walls but we can drum on the couch or the floor" or "that (knife) drawer is only for grown ups but you can get some cups out of YOUR drawer" etc. There are so many ways to raise loving, attached, confident, secure children...I don't understand the OTT AP stuff.

[Anonymous]

Attachment Parenting is absolutely crazy to me and I feel it will lead to a future generation of self-entitled and spoiled brats. I refuse to work for any families who practice this form of parenting.

So of course, I am going to be biased in my response and tell you this may not be the right fit for you if you do not agree w/the practices of this family.

It's a tough call.

I couldn't do it, but if you think you can stick it out, understand that it is their way ONLY.

You cannot compromise and you must do what they want by the book.

So bottom line is you have two options:
You can choose to find another family who have parenting practices more in line w/what you believe in or you can choose to stay w/this current family and in spite of your reservations, try to bite your tongue and follow their directions and make this work if the pay is good and you really are bonded w/their child.

Good luck.