attachment-style parents driving me crazy

[Anonymous]

It's demoralizing to feel forced into doing something to an innocent child, that you know in your gut, is damaging.

How do you think nannies cope with this kind of sadness?

[Anonymous]

Not a nanny and have no advice but curious, does the baby sleep in a crib ever, or somewhere other than the parents' bed? How does the baby sleep in the crib without being 'held'? wth

[Anonymous]

AP is not what you're representing in this thread OP. AP has some basic principles though I don't know any parents who practice them all or practice them in the same way.

1) Prepare for pregnancy/birth/parenting
2) Feed with love and respect, typically that means BF'ing but always feeding an infant on demand.
3) Respond with sensitivity - ie. understand a child's developmental abilities and respond appropriately
4) Nurturing touch - hold/wear your baby, skin to skin is very valuable
5) Night time parenting - co sleep and respond to a child's cries at night like you would during the day
6) Provide constant care - be present with your baby as much as possible, this one is something many working parents are unable to adhere to
7) Positive discipline - redirection and teaching as opposed to punishment, pretty anti spanking
8) Healthy balance in life

[Anonymous]

run

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. This totally isn't my style (and I can't really imagine it working for me, or for most parents, long-term) but it does sound like you'd be better off finding another position.

How will they expect you to manage tantrums, running into the street, the gazillion dangerous things a kid will do when he/she first become mobile but doesn't have reason or language yet?

I can't imagine not saying no!

Good luck!!!

It is RIDICULOUS! A child needs to hear the world no and that the world does not revolve around them. No wonder the kids today have a lack of respect for other people and feel that no one else but them matter.

[Anonymous]

I never say no and I'm anti AP. I use words like don't, stop, let go, put down, release, etc.
"Please stop throwing your food, food is for ratting not playing" "do not push your sister, hands are for helping not hurting" "put down that bottle, it is dangerous and could hurt you" basically instead of yelling no, just explain what not to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP is not what you're representing in this thread OP. AP has some basic principles though I don't know any parents who practice them all or practice them in the same way.

1) Prepare for pregnancy/birth/parenting
2) Feed with love and respect, typically that means BF'ing but always feeding an infant on demand.
3) Respond with sensitivity - ie. understand a child's developmental abilities and respond appropriately
4) Nurturing touch - hold/wear your baby, skin to skin is very valuable
5) Night time parenting - co sleep and respond to a child's cries at night like you would during the day
6) Provide constant care - be present with your baby as much as possible, this one is something many working parents are unable to adhere to
7) Positive discipline - redirection and teaching as opposed to punishment, pretty anti spanking
8) Healthy balance in life

What you're describing is the attachment parenting ideal. What you see represented on this thread are actual nannies, and their actual experiences with parents attempting to achieve this ideal. In my experience, attachment parents take positive discipline basically to the point of no discipline. The child rules the household. As a nanny I'm simply not interested in working with AP parents. Its a lovely ideal, but difficult to achieve in practice, especially as a work parent, and it leaves your nanny to do the heavy lifting.

[Anonymous]

I agree that AP parents do NOT opt for fulltime substitute childcare.
Most parents like these, use "AP" incorrectly, as an excuse for their lazy parenting.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Your replies have been so helpful. AP has sound principles but in practice is difficult to carry out. I am planning to search for a new position. My sense is thatt parents who feel this strongly about prioritizing the attachment need to stay home with their kids. In the future, I will not work with these type of parents. Honestly, the level of care the parents are asking for needs to be matched with an appropriate level of pay. While nannies give their full attention at all times, this is over the top and way more work than its worth.

[Anonymous]

I worked for attachment parenting for 3 days and now I am ready to runnnnnnnnn!!

Here is why, first, I need to put on the baby wearing and take the baby for morning and evening walk. If its raining, I still need to go out of the house with the baby and use the umbrella!

The baby never ONLY sleep in the baby carrier. So I have to walk and walk for one hours plus! Everyday I go home with super tied body ache.

They dont use wipes to clean up the poop. They just wipe the poop with the same diapers (yes! hard for me to explain in more details).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, I agree with holding the baby while he sleeps and carrying/wearing the baby as much as possible but the rest is nutso. You have to say no and cannot allow one second's delay when the child is holding or about to grab something dangerous. And I would NEVER even sit on my employers bed!!! That is very creepy!

Why would you agree to holding the baby while they sleep? You are part of the problem. That child will never learn to self-soothe. The family will have a 6 year old in their bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't work for AP parents, but I have had my fair share of Montessori style Nanny Families and I've just adapted acros the board saying "Larla/Larlo this is unavailable to you"
I can't remember the last time I've said "no" to a charge. This Montessori way just seems gentler.

Montessori doesn't let you say "no"?
That can't be right.

We're a Montessori family but no is certainly part of our vocabulary and in regular use. I think the teachers like to use more positively phrased corrections, like "You may look at some one else's work" when they're touching/meddling in some one else's activity. There are definitely limits in the classroom. My daughter told me they're not allowed to hug at school. Now whether that point was conveyed with a "no hugging" or a "we keep our hands to ourselves" I'd guess the latter, but the point was still made, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some parents feel its the best way to raise children and as a nanny I will strive to support their decision. I am having a tuff time making the adjustment though, as this is my first experience with this type of parenting.

I was instructed that
1. they do not use the word 'no' with their kids
2. the only way baby can sleep is if I hold him while he is sleeping or lay down with him and hold him. This means I have to lay in my employers bed bc they don't have a guest room which is a tad creepy.
3. if the baby cries, at all, pick him up
4. boundaries should be few and as limited as possible. They gave an example that f the little one picks up something dangerous, like a bottle of cleaner, let him hold it and check it out while explaining that it is dangerous rather than saying the item is off limits.

What words do you use that a one year old can understand if not 'no'? Any other nannies sleeping with their charge in this way? Should I just bring my own sheet and pillow to work? How to stay sane without letting them cry sometimes? How do you explain to a baby why a bottle of cleaner is dangerous? Will he truly understand what the boundaries are- safe to look at but not safe to drink or get on his hands?

1. Reg Flag 1: I will never agree to work with a child if I am not allowed to use the word 'no' at least in safety situations.
2. Reg Flag 2: I don't go in my employers' room for anything, and I would never, ever consider lying down in their bed.
3. That's normal, unless doing CIO...
4. Red Flag 3: Safet hazard, no way! Say no, take it away, then talk with small words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that AP parents do NOT opt for fulltime substitute childcare.
Most parents like these, use "AP" incorrectly, as an excuse for their lazy parenting.

Exactly. They're just trying to justify their lazy parenting by giving it a respectable word. How selfish and ignorant of them.

[Anonymous]

They are crazy. GET OUT,