Feeling some regret

[Anonymous]

I've posted here a few times about my DC's current nanny who is wonderful with DCs but is often late and can no longer work the schedule we initially agreed upon. Well, after looking for a long time we finally found someone we really like. She also seems great with the children, is always on time and does a lot more to help me around the house than current nanny who often leaves the house messy for me to clean up even though I leave it neat for her. Current nanny has a family of her own that she wants to go home to and I understand that but it's hard for me when I get home from work and she runs out the door before I can even put my bag down. Anyway, this new nanny would certainly make my life easier but this morning when current nanny came she was so sweet and loving to DCs and they are so happy with her I started to have a little regret. I know we need to move on and everyone will be fine but I can't help feeling a little sad. We've never let a nanny go like this. There has always been a natural end to our previous nannies' employment (ie we moved or she moved).

[Anonymous]

When do you come home in relation to your new Nanny's end time? Are you walking in the door at 6 when that's when she is scheduled to leave? Or did you build this time in to her schedule, so that you're getting home at 5:50 giving you a few minutes to chat before her official end time? If its the latter, have a discussion with her about what her end time is and that you'd like to use that 10 minutes to transition. If the former, then you need to extend your end time and her pay to cover that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When do you come home in relation to your new Nanny's end time? Are you walking in the door at 6 when that's when she is scheduled to leave? Or did you build this time in to her schedule, so that you're getting home at 5:50 giving you a few minutes to chat before her official end time? If its the latter, have a discussion with her about what her end time is and that you'd like to use that 10 minutes to transition. If the former, then you need to extend your end time and her pay to cover that time.

I always get home at least 15 minutes early but current nanny leaves as soon as I get home from work even though it's before her official end time. Once she was feeding the baby and she stopped feeding her and handed me the bottle to finish even though I had literally just walked in the door. The new nanny hasn't officially started yet but we did a trial day and she stayed until her end time and cleaned up the toys etc before she left. She has also made it clear to me she is very flexible and doesn't mind staying later if I need her to (for which I would of course pay her). She brought this up to me, I didn't ask her if she can ever stay later. I have no doubt that the new nanny will make my life much easier. That's not the point of my post. My point is that despite the issues I have with current nanny we will miss her. I'm comfortable with her, she knows our routine, I know the children are happy and safe with her etc. My brain knows we need to make this change but my heart is sorry to see current nanny go.

[Anonymous]

Did you give current nanny fair warning that these are issues and give her a chance to change?

[Anonymous]

Your current nanny has been aware of her short-comings for a long time, OP and you've discussed the issues with her many times. I understand that you are sad to see her leave but remember that SHE made the choices not to correct her behavior. Give her a nice recommendation based on her strengths (do not lie) and give her the severance agreed upon.

If you are the OP I think you are - your current nanny knows that she is being replaced right? Let her say her good-byes to the kids and tell the kids that current nanny will keep in touch. Your situation with current nanny is never going to get any better - it's time she moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your current nanny has been aware of her short-comings for a long time, OP and you've discussed the issues with her many times. I understand that you are sad to see her leave but remember that SHE made the choices not to correct her behavior. Give her a nice recommendation based on her strengths (do not lie) and give her the severance agreed upon.

If you are the OP I think you are - your current nanny knows that she is being replaced right? Let her say her good-byes to the kids and tell the kids that current nanny will keep in touch. Your situation with current nanny is never going to get any better - it's time she moved on.

Yes, you are correct. She is aware that we have been looking for someone. It was somewhat of a mutual decision although she would never say outright that she didn't want the job, even when I asked her but she told me multiple times she would understand if we replaced her and even offered to help find her replacement. She does not know that we have found a replacement (I want the new nanny to come for one more trial day before we officially offer her the job). I plan to be fair to her though and give her enough time to find something else before the new nanny starts. We also have had many discussions about her behavior which has helped some issues but not all. She still is late about 50% of the time (which is actually an improvement) and she still can't work the schedule I need.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it could take a while for her to find something else and in the meantime the new nanny will need work or you'll lose her. Pull the trigger and be done with it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've posted here a few times about my DC's current nanny who is wonderful with DCs but is often late and can no longer work the schedule we initially agreed upon. Well, after looking for a long time we finally found someone we really like. She also seems great with the children, is always on time and does a lot more to help me around the house than current nanny who often leaves the house messy for me to clean up even though I leave it neat for her. Current nanny has a family of her own that she wants to go home to and I understand that but it's hard for me when I get home from work and she runs out the door before I can even put my bag down. Anyway, this new nanny would certainly make my life easier but this morning when current nanny came she was so sweet and loving to DCs and they are so happy with her I started to have a little regret. I know we need to move on and everyone will be fine but I can't help feeling a little sad. We've never let a nanny go like this. There has always been a natural end to our previous nannies' employment (ie we moved or she moved).

Hi I'm looking for new family,if you have interested let me know,,I just finished with my wonderful family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it could take a while for her to find something else and in the meantime the new nanny will need work or you'll lose her. Pull the trigger and be done with it already.

I don't plan to give her infinite time. I think 2 weeks is fair and the new nanny was fine with waiting 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it could take a while for her to find something else and in the meantime the new nanny will need work or you'll lose her. Pull the trigger and be done with it already.

I don't plan to give her infinite time. I think 2 weeks is fair and the new nanny was fine with waiting 2 weeks.

In the meantime you could have the new nanny come for a couple of date nights.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think perhaps you are having second thoughts now about your current nanny? If so, you can always sit down and try to work things out w/her. Yes, I know it is not fair to the incoming nanny, but you need to do what is best for your child.

However, maybe it is just normal feelings when saying "Good-bye" to someone.
Your current nanny doesn't have to be permanently be removed from your child's life.
She can still come for visits and/or you can use her for date night babysitting.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well, any regret i had this morning is no longer. Current nannies hours are supposed to be until 5:30 but I'm usually hope by 4:30 and let her go early. Today I got home at 4:40 (still 50 mins early) and before I was even all the way in the door she said "I'm running out." And she did just that. I know there is traffic in the afternoon (I sat in it too) and i know she wants to get home but I literally wasn't even all the way in the house and I'd appreciate some information about the day before she leaves. If I was late that would be different but I was early! Then I was left to figure out what was going on with DCs while trying to change my clothes etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a nanny and I often spend time talking with my employer after she arrives from work. However, I have a great friendship with the family. My previous employer would interrogate me at the end of the day and I made it a point to have my bag ready to jet out the door in order to avoid the conversation. Every time the conversation would end with a criticism about my work so it began to feel like an opportunity to dump on me. I won't assume you are doing anything wrong but do consider the tone and nature of your discussions as that may be an issue.

My current family and I set aside one evening a week for me to stay later in which we talk about any issues we are having. They pay me for the extra 30 minutes. That way we have time to fully discuss things. In my experience, its best to have a predetermined time to have serious conversations so that everyone has had time to think about what needs to be said. By putting your nanny on the spot you risk not getting a well thought out response. Just think about your job and if you were called in for a impromptu meeting and weren't given an agenda. Even knowing your job well you are not prepared to present your ideas articulately without notice.

Finally, I would never assume I was being relieved early but I certainly would ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am a nanny and I often spend time talking with my employer after she arrives from work. However, I have a great friendship with the family. My previous employer would interrogate me at the end of the day and I made it a point to have my bag ready to jet out the door in order to avoid the conversation. Every time the conversation would end with a criticism about my work so it began to feel like an opportunity to dump on me. I won't assume you are doing anything wrong but do consider the tone and nature of your discussions as that may be an issue.

My current family and I set aside one evening a week for me to stay later in which we talk about any issues we are having. They pay me for the extra 30 minutes. That way we have time to fully discuss things. In my experience, its best to have a predetermined time to have serious conversations so that everyone has had time to think about what needs to be said. By putting your nanny on the spot you risk not getting a well thought out response. Just think about your job and if you were called in for a impromptu meeting and weren't given an agenda. Even knowing your job well you are not prepared to present your ideas articulately without notice.

Finally, I would never assume I was being relieved early but I certainly would ask.

OP here. I appreciate your thoughts and I can totally understand why you would want to leave quickly if you were being interrogated but that's not me at all. I actually don't usually ask the nanny anything when I get home other than "how was your day?" And "Is DC1, 2 or 3 (whoever I don't immediately see) still sleeping?" Sometimes if one of the children had an issue we will talk for a few minutes while she tells me about it or otherwise we just exchange pleasantries and then she leaves. I don't need a long conversation but it would be nice if she could wait until I'm actually all the way through the door.

Imagine this: the nanny arrives for her day and as she walks in the door the MB runs out. Literally. She doesn't say hello or anything but runs out leaving the nanny to figure out who is awake, dressed etc and who is still asleep. That's what happened to me yesterday but in reverse.