Nanny doens't like doing time-outs

[Anonymous]

I'm curious to hear about other's experiences with this. The nanny doesn't like to give time-outs for 2.5 year olds bad behavior (like pushing little sister) but the family does. Should the family insist that the nanny do a time-out or should they work together to find an alternative method that the nanny is comfortable following through on?

[Anonymous]

The nanny should follow the parents' plan for discipline.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be fine for the nanny to propose an alternative method for while DC was in her care, but if the family didn't like it, they would be well within their rights to request she continue following their discipline methods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be fine for the nanny to propose an alternative method for while DC was in her care, but if the family didn't like it, they would be well within their rights to request she continue following their discipline methods.

Agree with this. If she came to them with an alternative plan, I think that would be fine, but they can certainly refuse it. At that point she has done her best, and they just aren't a good fit, and should part ways. As a nanny, time outs aren't something I would refuse to do, but there are definitely things I would refuse to do, and I think its important to be comfortable and on the same page with the parents you work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be fine for the nanny to propose an alternative method for while DC was in her care, but if the family didn't like it, they would be well within their rights to request she continue following their discipline methods.

This. I'm an MB that doesn't do time outs, but still - nanny needs to do what MB asks. She can certainly recommend other things that work, but consistency is key here, so the MB might not be ok with her not following what MB does. One of the reasons nannies and MBs need to talk about this before starting the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Any nanny worth her salt is comfortable doing time-outs. And more to the point, comfortable adapting herself to the preferred discipline method of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any nanny worth her salt is comfortable doing time-outs. And more to the point, comfortable adapting herself to the preferred discipline method of the parents.

Lol that's not true at all. Any nanny worth her salt has a working knowledge of various discipline strategies suited to different children, and she also has strong opinions about what works and doesn't work, and what she is comfortable with. A nanny worth her salt is not someone who blindly follows instructions, rather she is someone confident enough to make judgement calls in your absence. Nanny and parents ought to be on the same page, but nanny should be able to think on her own. Not wanting to do time outs doesn't make someone a bad nanny. Going about it in an unprofessional manner, or attempting to supersede the decisions of the parents would make her a bad nanny.

[Anonymous]

I'm an MB. We have a nanny who is in her third year with us and we have had many instances of differing approaches like this (including with time-outs).

On some issues I have insisted on things being done the way I want (for instance - maintaining the same nap/feeding schedule for our twins, rather than allowing individual schedules). On many others I have allowed a lot of leeway (how kids are put down for the naps, how much milk they drink now that they're toddlers, allowing her to not really use time-outs but other means of gentle correction, etc...)

I have learned that our kids are capable of understanding the different approaches of the adults in their lives, and of respecting those approaches and behaving well for all of us (most of the time!)

So we're of the "pick your battles" approach - insist on a few important non-negotiables but allow some individual freedom. Our nanny is very experienced and we have total confidence in her, so I've learned to allow her approaches that are often equally (and sometimes more) effective as mine.

It is important to feel comfortable with whatever approach is being used, of course, but it can be possible to use different approaches effectively. Kids are pretty smart with this stuff and I think they can also sense when to take someone seriously. If our nanny tries the put the kids down for a nap our way it doesn't work. But her way works for them also and I want her to be successful. So she does it her way and I do it mine.

Sometimes we laugh at or are annoyed by the other's success with an approach we can't seem to make work but in the end we have flexible, well-behaved kids so it seems to be working.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny who does not believe in time outs. However, I explain this during the interview, as well as explaining the discipline techniques I prefer to use.

[Anonymous]

Also remember that different parents in the same family have different ways of doing things (like putting down for bed, nap, getting dressed in morning, doing bathtime, etc. etc.) and children figure it all out. Dad always does tooth brushing, then changes into pjs, Mom changes into pjs, then does tooth brushing....

So it's possible that the nanny does other things that work. The key is: do they work? If the 2 yr old just runs all over the nanny and the baby, and is a general disaster all day, then the nanny doesn't have other ways of disciplining. If the child is generally well behaved, then the nanny's other methods of discipline work.

And what works for one child will (sometimes) not work for the other one, different children (sometimes) require different methods.

So talk it over and you'll have a better sense of what's what.

[Anonymous]

Have you read the Love and Logic book? I think it could be a good compromise.

[Anonymous]

I am curious, for a toddler what do you do instead of time out. I have a fairly easy going 20 mo and have out her in time out maybe 3x. Only for a less than a minute, Then she does whatever it was I asked.
I get with older children you can take things away, but for the 18mos-3 age how would you handle a child throwing a toy and not picking it up (for example)

[Anonymous]

Any nanny worth her salt is comfortable doing time-outs. And more to the point, comfortable adapting herself to the preferred discipline method of the parents.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, for a toddler what do you do instead of time out. I have a fairly easy going 20 mo and have out her in time out maybe 3x. Only for a less than a minute, Then she does whatever it was I asked.
I get with older children you can take things away, but for the 18mos-3 age how would you handle a child throwing a toy and not picking it up (for example)

You can put the toy in a time out. Set it on a counter where LO can see, set a timer, and tell them that they can't play with that toy for x minutes because it is not nice to throw toys. During that time LO is free to do whatever, but I find that frequently they are focused on the toy that is in time out. When the timer goes off they have the chance to play nicely with the toy.

I worked for the family where he toddler went through a phase where he would pinch me. I would tell him that I wouldn't play with him until he could do nice touches, and I would carry him to the other side of the room, then walk away. Sometimes he would follow me and pinch me again, but it usually only took 2 or 3 times of reiterating and separating us until he would follow me and gently rub my leg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious, for a toddler what do you do instead of time out. I have a fairly easy going 20 mo and have out her in time out maybe 3x. Only for a less than a minute, Then she does whatever it was I asked.
I get with older children you can take things away, but for the 18mos-3 age how would you handle a child throwing a toy and not picking it up (for example)

You can put the toy in a time out. Set it on a counter where LO can see, set a timer, and tell them that they can't play with that toy for x minutes because it is not nice to throw toys. During that time LO is free to do whatever, but I find that frequently they are focused on the toy that is in time out. When the timer goes off they have the chance to play nicely with the toy.

I worked for the family where he toddler went through a phase where he would pinch me. I would tell him that I wouldn't play with him until he could do nice touches, and I would carry him to the other side of the room, then walk away. Sometimes he would follow me and pinch me again, but it usually only took 2 or 3 times of reiterating and separating us until he would follow me and gently rub my leg.

New poster here. I am also curious about why some people don't like to use time outs, and what other alternatives are preferred. The two examples above sound great, but both sound like narrowly-tailored forms of time out to me. Am I missing a critical difference? What do others do? OP, how does your nanny like to handle toddler behavioral issues?