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[quote=Anonymous]I'm an MB.  We have a nanny who is in her third year with us and we have had many instances of differing approaches like this (including with time-outs).

On some issues I have insisted on things being done the way I want (for instance - maintaining the same nap/feeding schedule for our twins, rather than allowing individual schedules).  On many others I have allowed a lot of leeway (how kids are put down for the naps, how much milk they drink now that they're toddlers, allowing her to not really use time-outs but other means of gentle correction, etc...)

I have learned that our kids are capable of understanding the different approaches of the adults in their lives, and of respecting those approaches and behaving well for all of us (most of the time!)

So we're of the "pick your battles" approach - insist on a few important non-negotiables but allow some individual freedom.  Our nanny is very experienced and we have total confidence in her, so I've learned to allow her approaches that are often equally (and sometimes more) effective as mine.

It is important to feel comfortable with whatever approach is being used, of course, but it can be possible to use different approaches effectively.  Kids are pretty smart with this stuff and I think they can also sense when to take someone seriously.  If our nanny tries the put the kids down for a nap our way it doesn't work.  But her way works for them also and I want her to be successful.  So she does it her way and I do it mine.

Sometimes we laugh at or are annoyed by the other's success with an approach we can't seem to make work but in the end we have flexible, well-behaved kids so it seems to be working.[/quote]

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