When Do You Start Being Taken For Granted?
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Anonymous
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Probably only talking to career nannies on here. But at what stage, and when do you start to be taken for granted? At that point do you just give up and not try anymore? Do you maintain your professionalism, or do you move on?
My nanny friend and I agree it's usually around the 1.5-2 year mark. At my last job of over 5 years- at first they were amazed at me. Said they appreciated how much I went above and beyond. They called me Super Nanny all the time. They remembered birthdays, holidays, and Nannyversary. But then like magic, at my 2 year mark they couldn't be bothered with me. I became a piece of the furniture. As long as I maintained doing a great job, they got too comfortable. They never had a reason to STOP and evaluate my performance. Then the need to great me in the morning goes away. To check in and ask once in a while goes away... After a year and a half, it's happening again. I like the family and love the kids. But it's disheartening to be walked over again. I'm a sensitive person, and that's what makes me a great Nanny. Because I go so FAR above and beyond, I'm going to try the passive approach and stop doing these extras. Of course I will never do anything to affect my work with the children and the basic duties in the contract. Please employers stop taking your wonderful nannies for granted. |
Anonymous
| I could have written this, sadly word for word. Also at the 1.5yr mark and feeling completely taken for granted and unappreciated. Like you, I go massively out of my way to make my mb/db life as smooth as possible when they arrive home. Children are always fed, bathed and in jammies, house is spotless, even the adult messes are cleaned up. Kids are engaged in quiet play and ready to wind the day down. And lately I don't even get so much as a head nod when I arrive or leave. It's one of the many reasons I cap all my nanny jobs at 2 years. |
Anonymous
| Yep I'd say its about the 1.5 year mark. They know I'll do a good job, and that's all they care about at that point. Their child is well cared for, their home looks better than it did when I got there, and I don't need much oversight from them. Things get so comfortable that they don't even notice the above and beyond things, so I get no thanks or acknowledgement when the time comes. I prefer to leave jobs on a high note and with a great reference, so when I notice this beginning to happen, I'll do one reset meeting, and if it continues I know its time to move on. By that time the kids are headed to preschool, and it'd be cheaper for them to find a part time sitter anyway. |
Anonymous
| An MB here and I'm sad to hear this is happening to some of you. We love our nanny and she has been with us now almost exactly 1.5 years and we want to keep her as long as possible. I try to show her we appreciate all her efforts and was even just about to get her a gift card to one of her favorite restaurants for Valentine's day since I know it is one of her favorite holidays. I hope if she ever thinks I'm taking her for granted that she will discuss it with me and give us a chance to get back on the same page. My daughter has thrived with her and I believe I'm lucky to have found our nanny. |
Anonymous
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Bless your heart PP MB!!!
To all the PP's- Same dang thing happens to me as well at 1.5 mark!!!! I can't believe it. I never thought about it either. But in some twisted way, it's a compliment that you are doing a job well done that your bosses are so comfortable with you. But I like what a PP said about doing a "reset"- but how? I'm am almost at the 1.5 mark with my boss. This morning MB got snotty with me when I asked her about upgrading to a toddler bed & organizing the weekend nannies special requests. She rolled her eyes, saying just "organize it". But I'm tired if this. |
Anonymous
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MB here. I am experiencing something similar but it's with our nanny. She's just past the 2 year mark and her overall performance has been declining - a few minutes late here and there and never ever arriving 5 minutes early. Not getting laundry done routinely (I ask, or do it myself). Not changing the sheets on the kids' beds as regularly as she used to, not getting them out of the house as much as they used to, asking us for more favors and considerations, sharing WAAAY too much personal information with us in a way that makes us feel she's hoping we'll hand her money or take care of her in some way, etc...
She's been great but the version of her we have now is nowhere near the version we got in the first 18 months and it's becoming a real problem. |
Anonymous
+1. Something about that 1.5-year mark. Maybe it just gets old for all sides. We've noticed the performance slide too at about that mark. So perhaps some (note I said some, not all) of the MBs who start to get less appreciative and flexible are reacting to a performance slide? |
Anonymous
I agree that things probably get stale for both sides. Its hard to say what precedes what, because you could just as easily be noticing a performance slide due to feeling unappreciated, know what I mean? I'm the nanny that mentioned a reset meeting. Basically a performance review, less formal than an annual review, and give them the opportunity to discuss any changing needs and to acknowledge things they are happy with. I also find it easier to get excited about my job again if I have set some goals. Come to the meeting prepared to present those goals, and to request their cooperation and any materials you may need. For example, if I think my charge is ready, I may ask if we could get moving on potty training, or maybe I'd like to teach the kids a new skill or start a long term project, etc. |
Anonymous
| My number is more around 2 & half years. So bizarre this happens right? It should be making you closer to the NF, and them being kinder. Do any of you just quit instead of asking for a meeting? Are they shocked? |
Anonymous
| Funny, the relationship between NF (after two years) and the way my husband treats me (after ten years of marriage) is simlar. No one notices clean sheets, and clothes, even yummy dinners go unthanked. Oh well, deep down they love me, it's better not to be bitter and not be the martyr (like my mom was) while washing dishes. If it gets disrespesctful, move on, but otherwise, I'd let it ride. |
Anonymous
Not the same. You do for your family because they're your family. This is our job, and we don't do it purely for the warm and fuzzies. If I'm doing a good job, I expect to be treated as such, and that's not an unreasonable expectation. |
Anonymous
| Raising kids is just the biggest sacrafice, no matter who's doing the work. If you're the nanny, you need something pretty big going on, to be worth all the labor. |
Anonymous
Yes, I would agree on the 1.5-2 year mark. I am currently in that time frame with my job and I am about ready to move on. I would like to sit the family down and ask for my old job back  the job I had with them the first year! I like to pitch in a help out with extras, but then I could kick myself every time because I swear if I help once or twice that extra gets left for me in the future.
OP how did you make it through the last 3 years of your previous job, after the appreciation stopped? Did you stop doing extras, find ways to deal with the parents? I could really use some coping techniques to get me through. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I can't believe you all have similar stories at around the 2 year mark.
PP- for over three years, I just the resentment build until I became physically sick. I never once let my high standards in my job go downhill. But my heart was breaking all the while- and I said never again...but here we go again
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Anonymous
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I always make it clear when I am interviewing for a nanny position that I will do all housekeeping, both light and "heavy", laundry, etc. and all marketing and cooking FOR THE BABY and the baby only.
Then, one day, I'll wash the parents breakfast dishes (just to use the kitchen sink for baby bottle washing) and suddenly breakfast dishes are part of my job everyday. Then, even thought I have NEVER been late, the parents become very lax about coming home at the agreed time without apology. Then, the parents give me their shopping list... Then, I start looking for a new job usually around the year mark. I am primarily an infant/baby/toddler nanny - with a Masters in Early Childhood Education and years of experience. But since many of my employers are first time parents, they have no clue how good I am until I'm gone. |