Schedule/expectations, nanny caring for 2 kids

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone
I am going back to work after staying home with my son for 2 years. He will be 2 when I return to work and I will also have a 3 month old son (I'm still pregnant). I am torn between putting the boys in fulltime daycare vs hiring a nanny full time for the infant. The older son would possibly go to daycare/preschool a few half days/week and the rest of his time would be spent at home with the nanny and his brother. Does this seem like a reasonable plan? I know how much energy one child takes so I'm nervous about hiring someone to take care of two children (although I realize this is quite common). What expectations should I have for the nanny's schedule with the boys? We have a large backyard and she could take them to the backyard each day...would that be a sufficient outing for the nanny and the children? I don't know that I feel comfortable with her leaving the home with both kids. Any insight into any aspect of my situation would be greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

What hours would you need a nanny?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sorry for leaving that out. 8/9am-6pm M-F

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? Urban core, suburb?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a very nice and thoughtful parent. My advice to you is to begin visiting daycares and researching nannies. Take your son someplace for an hour every morning where nannies hang out (park, playground, library, book store story times, etc.).
For daycares it's crucial that you spend 2-3 hours there to get a better feel for the level of care your children might receive. Observe not just play, but also feeding, diapering, outside time, nap time. Again, this is vital. You'll have to schedule something else for your son during these visits.
You also want to collect accurate details pertaining to the daycare staff turnover rates. This is a major concern for most parents, as stable and consistant caregivers, are essential during the first years of your child's life.
Lastly, how would your older son be transported to and from daycare if you have a nanny? She would need to flexibility to leave your residential property with the children during her ten hour days. Not being able to do so, would be unreasonable.
Do you currently have any occasional sitters to help you?

[Anonymous]

I mean this in the nicest way possible OP, but if you don't think you can feel comfortable with a nanny taking your children out of the house, then a Nanny is not for you. Trust is incredibly important in the nanny/parent relationship, and if you can't feel comfortable with them leaving the house, then I have a feeling you're not going to feel comfortable with the arrangement at all.

There are plenty of really wonderful daycares out there, I suggest finding one of those.

[Anonymous]

The reality is that there are not many good daycares out there. Even the very expensive $2,000 a month Bright Horizons are horrific. Spend a few hours there and see for yourself. In downtown DC it's mostly white families who can afford those daycare prices, but the entire staff was nonwhite. That seemed rather odd. They charge you a ton and pay the workers peanuts.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your replies. I have visited over 20 daycares the past 2 years as it was not initially clear when I would return to work. It's a complicated story but there were many times when I thought I was going back and had to search for a daycare only to find out from my job that I had to wait a few more months which turned into 2 years. I've loved this time together with him and since he is used to being home with his mom, I'd prefer he stay at home with a nanny. He had a lot of medical issues early on, currently thriving but I'm a little more protective of him for this reason. I appreciate the daycare suggestions but I've read the studies and more importantly I know what type of child I have. My husband and I both know he would not do well in daycare, for reasons that I'd prefer not getting into on this forum.

I don't mind play dates coming over the house. Surely not all nannies want to leave the house or have transportation to do this? Is this assumption incorrect? My husband would do the daycare drop off/pick up 2x/week but we may wait until he is 3 years old to start part time daycare. Yes I have had a fantastic occasional babysitter who he adores but she has other commitments. I'm confident we can find someone like her who I can trust. She took him out for walks around the block but I was always home. And there was only one baby to look after, soon there will be two. I guess a competent, professional nanny is able to care for 2 but I have no experience with this as of yet. I'm willing to do whatever it takes for the nanny and children to be comfortable during the day and its not that I don't trust the nanny it's the crazy people out there.

[Anonymous]

OP, I appreciate your sentiment with regard to daycares. How do you feel about my suggestion of observing and maybe getting to know some nannies in your area?

[Anonymous]

I'm fine with observing nannies and my son and I go out daily to various venues but we only seem to run in other SAHMs. I've had success with care.com in the past. In regards to nannies taking care of 2 children...are they commonly packing up both kids for these outings? In my experience I've only seen SAHMs out with more than 1 child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with observing nannies and my son and I go out daily to various venues but we only seem to run in other SAHMs. I've had success with care.com in the past. In regards to nannies taking care of 2 children...are they commonly packing up both kids for these outings? In my experience I've only seen SAHMs out with more than 1 child.

Yes, there are plenty of nannies who take care of more than 1 child.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 children (3 and 18 months) with a 3rd on the way and while I understand how you feel about wanting the nanny to stay mostly at home I really think if you want this to work out you are going to have to try to be a little more flexible about it. We started with a nanny when DC1 was only 4 months old and at that point he was really too little to benefit from going out other than for walks. By the time he was 6 months old I was so comfortable with the nanny that I encouraged her to take him on outings. We've had other nannies since then and I think it is a benefit to everyone for her to be able to take the children to places like the library, playground etc. She has also taken them to museums and the zoo for special days too.

You can easily find a nanny who is experienced and can take 2 children out without any difficulty. I know when you only have 1 child it seems really daunting to go somewhere with 2 but honestly it's not that hard. I do it all the time while 7 months pregnant.

[Anonymous]

If it's a matter of comfort OP, would you be willing to adjust your expectations as the nanny stays with you over time?

Example: when I first started with my family, their DC was only 4 months old. So neighborhood walks/playing in the backyard were all we needed. Especially because some of this time was in the winter. It also helps that there were 2-3 playgrounds within walking distance.

Once their DC was close to a year and walking, they gave me a car seat for my car. This meant we could go to a library for story time and opened up at least 3 more playgrounds for us, as well as some indoor play spaces.

By the time their DC was 2.5, I was driving all over (within reason). We'd go to the bookstore for story time, libraries, parks, playgrounds.
We'd meet up with other nannies at the playgrounds for play dates and picnics if our charges got along.

I understand that with two you might be thinking "how will she juggle two?" but for a lot of nannies, it's something we're very used to. And if she's an understanding nanny, she will happily text you before she leaves/when she gets to the location (if there is a destination)/when she gets back home.

I'm sure some might think that's overkill, but there have been times I will still do that with my MB. If it gives her peace of mind, why wouldn't I?

[Anonymous]

It will be very hard for you to find a good nanny who's idea of an outing is your back yard.
Assuming you dont want to keep switching nannies you need to find someone good with babies/toddlers/preschoolers.

Your older child is going to be bored in the house all day very soon.

[Anonymous]

No nanny is going to want to stay stuck in a house all day every day with an infant. No, letting them into the backyard each day is not enough - it's a job, not prison where they get yard time.

Please forgive me for shrinking you but it sounds like you are nervous about having a toddler and infant and handling them in public, and you are transferring that nervousness to a nanny. It may be hard for you to imagine to be true, but some people are totally comfortable and competent at caring for two (or more!) children outside, in public.