Are we a good candidate for an au pair?
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
We are thinking of getting an au pair. Kids will be 8.5, 6.5 and 6 months.
Right now we have a nanny, but she isn't much fun for the big kids and isn't that flexible with hours. The set up for the au pair would be: - Monday to Thursday, 7:30-5:30 (just baby until 3, then get big kids at school, drive to activities or bring home and either feed baby or help with homework) - 5 hours of weekend help (either sat night or during to day on Saturday - watch baby while we shuttle big kids to soccer, etc) We have a private basement room with bathroom and separate exit. We would provide a car for weekday use. (Not weekend) We are 1 mile from metro but there is a bus. We are in Alexandria (rosemont) and have a fairly spacious house (5000 square feet) My hesitations are (1) are au pairs responsible enough to watch an infant; (2) we will use all 45 hours, and it seems that is not the norm- will our au pair become bitter); (3) is three kids too much for a young person? |
Anonymous
|
Hi OP - You sound like a perfect candidate for an au pair. Make it clear to the au pair what her schedule is and what her car situation will be right up front before you match. You will definitely find someone that is fine with it. I will add two things though - you are required to give them one weekend totally off per month, so count on that. And having an au pair work three Saturday nights a month IS actually a recipe for bitterness. During the day Saturday would be a much better schedule for her.
Check out aupairmom.com for tons of resources before making the jump. It is a HUGE time commitment in my experience - much more than a nanny. And it's more expensive than they tell you on the agency websites - it runs us about $23,000 a year for a regular au pair, and $27k for an Extraordinaire (which I recommend hands down). A few comments on your hesitations: 1. Au pairs absolutely can be responsible enough to watch an infant. The only ones that can be matched with a family with an infant are "infant qualified" au pairs, which means that they have spent at least 200 hours caring for an infant. Now that doesn't mean every one of them would be great with an infant. You will have to interview hard to find one that can handle an infant, but they are out there. We have had great luck with Extraordinaire au pairs from Au Pair in America - they are a little more expensive, but based on our experience they are much much better equipped to handle young kids, particularly if you have three of them. I personally would not trust a regular au pair with an infant unless she had extensive experience (based on our two Extraordinaire and one regular au pair - the regular one was very mediocre). 2. It is absolutely normal to use all 45 hours. Yes, there are many au pairs who have really easy schedules, but there are just as many that work all 45. As long as you have your schedule set up from the beginning when you match with her and make sure during interviewing that she understands that it is a full-time schedule and what that means, you'll be fine. Our first au pair worked 45 hours and she was awesome. Most of her friends did too. 3. Three kids is a lot - and that's why you'll want to interview the heck out of them. Check out aupairmom.com and read about some of the host parents' "dare to match with us" approach. You don't want just any au pair - you want an au pair who will really rise to the occasion. It means you'll probably get rejected a fair amount by candidates that really just want to come to party, but that's good. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like your general needs do lend itself well to the program, but there's more to it than your needs. Are you prepared to welcome someone into your family? Are you prepared to be patient and understanding, even offer guidance, toward a young person in a foreign country? Are you willing to recognize that watching your children will be her job and not her number one priority (she will want to travel, party, and have fun, and some HFs resent that they aren't her number one focus)? |
Anonymous
| Also agree with PP that working 3/4 Saturdays per month IS a recipe for bitterness, not necessarily working 45 hours. Daytime hours would be better, with the occasional Saturday evening. She'll want to go out too. |
Anonymous
I'm 11:53 and I agree with this. I think that's what I was getting at with accepting that an au pair takes a LOT more time and management than a nanny. You can't just need child care and want to not have to think about your au pair when she's not working. Our au pairs have needed almost as much care at times as an additional child. I would never recommend the program to anyone who isn't also excited about gaining a new family member and learning about another culture and who doesn't truly understand the reasons au pairs come to the US as well. It's a great program and we've really liked it for two out of our three years, but even with our two good au pairs, it was a lot of work. So I agree - yes, your childcare requirements are perfect for the program. But do you feel like you have the bandwidth to take on the care and feeding of another person? |
Anonymous
11:53 here and just want to be clear - I don't think either of us are saying that you shouldn't ever have an au pair working on a Saturday night. But I would do once a month tops. All three of my au pairs basically partied from Friday night to Sunday evening straight. We rarely ask them to work weekends and I think they really really appreciated it (well, except for our second who didn't appreciate anything lol). It is asking a lot for a young adult to give up their Saturday night. Recognizing that as a host parent will go a long way in having a happy au pair. |
Anonymous
|
OP here. Thanks for the advice. I can definitely limit the Saturday nights to once per month. But do you think twice a month of a few Saturday daytime hours are ok?
It's one of the main reasons we are switching from a nanny to an au pair (the big kids have sporting events, and the baby will have to nap), so if that is a recipe for bitterness, I wonder if we are not a good fit. |
Anonymous
No I don't think a couple of daytime Saturday shifts will be a huge deal, especially if its just the baby. So long as you aren't scheduling her super early on Saturday morning, it should be fine. Simply think back to how you spent your weekends during your early 20's. no 20 something wants to regularly have to work Friday night, Saturday morning, or late Saturday night. Occasionally is fine, but not every week. |
Anonymous
|
Why is it a huge time commitment ?
I don't really have any extra time. Nor does my husband. She can come on our weekend activities, but that is usually IHOP followed by two consecutive soccer games. Hardly exciting for a 25 year old. 
|
Anonymous
I'm 11:53. I agree that daytime Saturday shifts will not be a huge deal as long as you're willing to be flexible if she wants to go away with her friends for a weekend here or there. One Saturday night a month should be fine too, particularly if you're willing to be flexible on which Saturday. It is imperative that you put this in your application and make sure your candidate understands what it means - that you are getting an au pair partially because you need these Saturday hours. If that's going to be a problem, you're not the host family for that au pair. Oh, a consideration - Cultural Care requires that the 1.5 days off each week be consecutive. If you aren't having her work Fridays, but you do have her work a Saturday morning, you could only use her until noon Saturday so that she has Saturday afternoon (.5) and Sunday (1.0) off. If you use her Saturday night, it's no problem, because it will be Friday (1.0) and Saturday morning (.5) off. If that's going to be an issue, don't use them. We weren't thrilled with them anyway and have switched back to Au Pair in America. More expensive, but way better service and more experienced candidates in my limited experience. |
Anonymous
I'm trying to put into concrete terms why it's such a big commitment... I think it's for two reasons. One, is the training and orientation required, particularly in the beginning. In the beginning, you're basically all they have. You will help them get their license (which requires a knowledge test, driving test, and 3-hour drug and alcohol program - all of which you will have to make separate trips for), their SS number, show them all around your area, do pretty extensive training on what you want them to do, make sure they're making friends and not being home sick and depressed, etc. Before she arrives, you have to create a handbook to explain your expectations, set up her room, email back and forth with her before she arrives, set up transportation for her to get to your house and pick her up at the airport. Then, there's the cultural exchange/part of the family thing - she'll want to get to know you even off-duty. She'll expect you to care about her life and include her in some activities. I personally think this is one of the big benefits of having an au pair and I don't mean to sound like it's a burden, but think about some of the following things that do add extra time and effort to you already-busy life: If you eat dinner together as a family, you'll want to consider what she eats when you set meals, let her know when you're eating, set an extra place for her and make extra food. You'll want to Invite her out to dinner when you go or remember to text her to see what she wants if you're stopping for sandwiches or something. She'll add things to your grocery list, so you'll have to make sure you remember to pick up her stuff too. She'll want to have friends over, so you'll have extra young people in the house. She'll probably want to have a friend or family visit for a week during the year, so you'll have visitors for a week if you allow it. She'll probably come in late sometimes and wake you up. You'll have issues where you don't like something she's doing (even if she's terrific, there will be something that bothers you), and you'll probably spend a lot of time thinking about how to deal with it and then addressing the problem. She might have a car accident or you'll need to pick her up when the car breaks down. She'll eat the last of something you were planning to make for dinner. She'll want to take her vacation (she gets two paid weeks off) when you need her to work and you'll have to find back-up care. She'll get sick and you'll have to find back-up care. You'll know because she lives with you that she went out drinking and didn't get home until 2am the night before she's up at 7:30am to watch your kids. She'll want to take the car when you need it. She'll ask you how to get to NYC. She'll want you to help her book her classes. I don't know, these all sound little now that I'm listing them all out, but basically, you are going to be gaining another family member. So you will need to think about her needs and wants in your general life planning. She will do things that irritate you. She will be around when you don't want her to be. She will cost you money that you'd rather not spend. It's all part of the package, but it's not the same as a nanny who is out of your life when she's not working. |
Anonymous
Most of my APs don't go out until 11pm anyway, so none has ever cared about watching the kids on Sat from 5-10 so DH and I can go to early dinner and a movie. One AP balked at EVERY time we asked her to work on the weekend because she felt it interfered with her ability to travel. But she knew about it before she matched, so it was on her, not us. |
Anonymous
|
I think if you are migrating from Nanny to AP because you're not thrilled with your current Nanny, you're making a mistake. FWIW I'm a HM on my 6th AP.
If you can use a professional Nanny, can afford a professional Nanny and need the services provided by a professional Nanny - by all means find a new and better suited professional Nanny. Lots of folks will disagree with me, but I would be pretty nervous leaving a young woman with three kids, all day. Very few of these young ladies (even the IQ ones) have real experience that is translatable to taking full time care of an infant and 2 young kids. This is not like taking on an employee. In many cases (and you won't know until it's too late) it's like paying your teenage sibling to live with you and babysit. You may get really lucky and get someone right off the bat who is smart, energetic, follows direction, is tidy, love kids for real, has a great sense of humor, is calm... but those APs are few and far between. IF you do decide to try an AP, I do agree that your odds are better with the extraordinaire program. Once your kids are all school age, self feeding, self toileting etc and you just need someone to provide homework help and make some mac and cheese and maybe carpool to soccer, APs are an affordable alternative to a professional Nanny that give you more flexibility in your hours (split schedule, summer days, school year weekends etc) This is why we use APs now and not Nannys |
Anonymous
| Great post, 15:53, and your sentence about "paying your teenage sibling to live with you and babysit" made me laugh because it is so right on - that was exactly my experience with our one regular au pair. I would never personally do the regular au pair program again. I actually do have a teenage sister and our 20yo au pair was exactly at the same emotional level as she was (of course). Both of our extraordinaires have been awesome though. |
Anonymous
|
Do not get an au pair if you are accustomed to a professional, adult nanny. It is NOT the same thing.
The au pair is going to need a lot of hand holding and alot of your involvement every step of the way. Remember, she likely has never stepped foot in this country. You will need to help her with many, many things. |