Love is a strong word.

[Anonymous]

I've read a lot about nannies and the love they feel for their charges on these forums, talking about how they care for the kids like their own and how they would die for them, the scorn given to those who admit to only extremely liking their charges. Honestly, it gets me a bit concerned.

I am a nanny and I do not love my two charges. I don't feel badly saying so; they are often rude and annoying and make my work day much less pleasant than it could otherwise be. The eldest takes great joy in being snotty and disrespectful and the youngest throws violent tantrums that he is much too old for because his parents feed into them. If I were a 50 hour/wk nanny I would likely be able to curb this behavior, but as a part-time employee I must simply make do.

Even though I do not love my charges, and in fact don't like them very much some of the time, I am still a wonderful nanny. How can this be possible? Because I am a professional. I have buckets full of patience, endless praise for positive behavior, the inexplicable ability to pull out the fun sillies and make up games at a moment's notice, and the child development training to properly work through behavioral issues as they crop up rather than mindlessly yelling or shaming them.

I would be worried if I loved these children as much as some nannies say they do theirs. Strong emotional bonds can easily cloud judgment, causing nannies to stay in horrible employment situations due to their "not wanting to leave the kids" and at times even causing one to forget who the parent really is. Now I'll admit, when working with infants and very young children, I can end up loving quite easily. It's different with school children, and I believe that is perfectly fine. They are at school every day with teachers who do not love them, yet provide them (hopefully) excellent care and support. They are with their parents in the evenings and on the weekends and are by no means starved for love.

I read ads on the internet from parents hoping to find nannies who are looking for work out of pure love for children, rather than a paycheck. This is completely absurd. I chose this field because in general I enjoy spending my time with children, exploring the world and learning together, more than nearly anything else. A chef enjoys cooking more than anything else, prompting her to become a chef. It is still a job, so why should it ever be more to me than that? I'm an adult and I have bills to pay, so I need to work; the point is to pick work that fulfills you. As long as a nanny is fulfilled and mostly enjoying her job, assuming she's also good at what she does, the subject of 'love' is completely arbitrary.

[Anonymous]

I certainly had jobs where I merely liked the children well enough. I think that as long as you're still able to have patience and kind words for your charge, it doesn't matter how you feel about them deep down, so I agree with you there.

But actually loving them makes it easier, I think? I had five long-term jobs and I adored three sets of the children and was fine with the other two. Getting up at 5am in winter to an hour's public commute is much easier for the kids you know you'll love to spend the day with.

[Anonymous]

What you are saying makes sense...on paper. But a nanny would have to be made of stone to spend all that time with their charges and not develop a love for them. Just like many teachers grow to love their students.

[Anonymous]

Children "know" who "loves" them,
and who doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are saying makes sense...on paper. But a nanny would have to be made of stone to spend all that time with their charges and not develop a love for them. Just like many teachers grow to love their students.

+ infinity

[Anonymous]

I have had charges that I loved, and others, I was happy when the day ended. You can be professional and still love your charges and not be taken advantage of.
But I also know I have been a better nanny when I loved the children instead of just tolerating them.

[Anonymous]

We've had the same nanny for five years and she and my DD say I love you every evening when I get home and the nanny leaves.Maybe the nanny doesn't mean it and I don't think she has to love my child to be a great nanny, but I find it sweet.

I'm sure they don't love each other every minute of every day, but that's understandable. Kids can be hard to love from time to time.

[Anonymous]

+1 pp. I quit a job because the kids and I didn't click. I wasn't happy there all day and I don't think the kids even liked me that much. I didn't love them. I gave the job 6 months and seriously wish I hadn't. My other 3 day a week job is amazing. I LOVE the kids. And yes love is a strong word. I feel LOVED by the kids. And I am a much better nanny because I generally feel happy.

Op I agree that it would be harder to love school age kidz if you were starting at age 7/8. But when you have been with a child since they were ten months old and have watched them grow it is almost!!!!! impossible not to adore them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had charges that I loved, and others, I was happy when the day ended. You can be professional and still love your charges and not be taken advantage of.
But I also know I have been a better nanny when I loved the children instead of just tolerating them.

+1
Couldn't have said it better myself. This PP is spot on.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'll be honest, the motivation behind my post was a bit of a need to vent, if only because I am frustrated at my own lack of love for my current position. I took this job, and am sticking with it, because in my area it's like Hunger Games trying to land a decent family (the culture down here is very family oriented with relatives doing much more childcare than hired help).

In every other position I've had, I loved the kids. They were all 3 years or younger. I'm irritated that I do not get to look forward to work every day anymore.. but I take pride in knowing I am still, despite my lack of motivation, providing top quality care for these children.

As for the PP who said anyone who does not grow to love their charges has a heart of stone, well I'm happy for you because you must have only ever been exposed to wonderful children. I believe that all kids can be helped and that there are no "bad" children, I believe this strongly, but after a certain age when bad habits have become their reality, some kids really do become just nasty little people you would never choose to associate with.

Luckily my charges aren't as bad as all that, though they are being raised to be very spoiled and disrespectful and I cannot love someone I feel truly disrespected by on a daily basis. They both have some lovely qualities and I appreciate them for who they are, but love? Not going to happen.. and my heart is alive and well.

[Anonymous]

OP there is no way you're giving these kids "top notch care" with that attitude. No offence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'll be honest, the motivation behind my post was a bit of a need to vent, if only because I am frustrated at my own lack of love for my current position. I took this job, and am sticking with it, because in my area it's like Hunger Games trying to land a decent family (the culture down here is very family oriented with relatives doing much more childcare than hired help).

In every other position I've had, I loved the kids. They were all 3 years or younger. I'm irritated that I do not get to look forward to work every day anymore.. but I take pride in knowing I am still, despite my lack of motivation, providing top quality care for these children.

As for the PP who said anyone who does not grow to love their charges has a heart of stone, well I'm happy for you because you must have only ever been exposed to wonderful children. I believe that all kids can be helped and that there are no "bad" children, I believe this strongly, but after a certain age when bad habits have become their reality, some kids really do become just nasty little people you would never choose to associate with.

Luckily my charges aren't as bad as all that, though they are being raised to be very spoiled and disrespectful and I cannot love someone I feel truly disrespected by on a daily basis. They both have some lovely qualities and I appreciate them for who they are, but love? Not going to happen.. and my heart is alive and well.

I could have written this myself. It is jarring and uncomfortable to feel this way, especially when I compare it to the way I felt and still feel about my last charges, but I do know that 1. My time with these children is temporary, like every other nanny position and one day I will have a job I love again and 2. I am giving top notch care (despite what many of the responders think) and the children feel loved and the parents respect me.
Don't feel bad or guilty. You just can't love every child/job and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Good luck!