Nanny/MB personality clash
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Anonymous
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Hi there -- I'd like some input on our situation. We have a nanny that has been with us since July. Her trial period is coming to a close and we are trying to figure out what to do. Nanny does well with our toddler son, he seems to like her, and she does what we ask her to with him. However, she and I (and to a certain extent my husband) have a personality clash. She just plain annoys me -- she gives me mini-lectures on how to raise our kid, she NEVER stops talking, even when I'm trying desperately to get out the door in the morning, she gives me an oral rundown every day of the same stuff she puts on his daily log sheet, and she tries very hard to form a bond that just isn't going to happen -- shows us pictures of all of her family, tells us every birthday in her family, asks us all the time if we think she looks her age, makes suggestions about upkeep of our home, etc. I realize I sound very cold-hearted in writing all of this out but it *is* a valid personality clash in my mind -- we believe this is a business relationship and she wants to be buddies.
So...give it to me. Is this worth finding another nanny over? I'm going to be home with her for the next five months on maternity leave and it makes me feel like a prisoner in our house because I try to avoid her all the time. We pay well and so I'm not worried about finding another candidate. I am, however, worried about whether it's a big deal to end the relationship if she does well with our son. Thoughts? Happy to answer any clarifying questions. |
Anonymous
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MB here. Find another nanny.
In my opinion (and limited experience) the parent/nanny relationship is non-negotiable. If you hire good, competent nannies they will probably do just fine with your son and he'll likely grow to love them, even if it takes a while. But a good working relationship between the employer and employee is a must. You need your nanny to be your greatest ally and vice versa. You need to to all be on the same side with regards to the care of your children. You need to feel comfortable with her and not feel like you're treading on eggshells or harboring small resentments that grow over time. It doesn't mean she's a bad nanny - it just means that she's not the best fit for your family. Good for you for having a trial period that allows you to handle this professionally. We have a terrific nanny and I trust her fully. I still wouldn't want to be home all day with her for 5 months (and I'm sure she wouldn't want it either). I can't imagine spending a maternity leave w/ someone in the house annoying me all the time - let alone someone who is helping me raise my child. Don't feel guilty. You know what you need and want to do. You'll find another nanny who does well w/ your child, this time you just need to make sure that he/she does well with you also. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Nanny here- Find another nanny. MB and I had an amazing relationship (very business) until she stayed home for 6 long ass months on maternity leave. I almost went insane and quit! I'm sure she felt the same! Having a full time nanny while you're on maternity leave is stressful for BOTH people. I can't imagine going that with someone who already annoys you!! Thankfully my relationship with MB went back to normal when she went back to work and stopped micromanaging. Three years later, I'm still here and our relationship is back to being wonderful. My advice is that if you can't stand her now, you won't be able to take it all day every day during your leave. Find someone new! |
Anonymous
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Wow. Now I see why parents refer to the nanny, as "my nanny", which has always baffled me. I used to think that they were a bit too old to "have a nanny".
I once had a father actually introduce me to his colleagues as "his nanny". They looked at him a little funny, and I later had to tell him, "you do know, John, that I am really your child's nanny, not yours." One of these men had winked at him, as if there was a "special" relationship of some sort. Needless to say, it was an awkward situation. |
Anonymous
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MB here. Find someone else pronto. Give her a nice reference letter.
That shit would drive me nuts too. I love our manny, but am also firmly in the camp of "he is an employee, NOT a 'member of the family'". |
Anonymous
Your kids must be older. |
Anonymous
| I have a feeling. OP, you will have problems with any nanny. |
Anonymous
Same thought here. |
Anonymous
| Talk to her first and tell her what kind of a relationship you want and your expectations for communication. If you don't have time for or are not interested in her comments and conversations let her know. Tell her the best time for and way (email?) to check in daily. If she's still too chattty for you then you'll want to look again, but this sounds like a bit of a communication problem so you'll have to be clear the next time around what type of relationship you want. Also if you feel like she's giving a lot of unwanted advice then you can tell her honestly you'd prefer her to be more supportive of your parenting choices and abilities and that some of her comments make you feel this may not be the best match. See how she reacts, if she's trustworthy, safe, fun, loving, and responsible it may be worth you time to try and communicate better your wishes. |
Anonymous
My kid is 2. |
Anonymous
Girl? Boy? Potty-trained? Am obviously courious about the whole manny thing, and if some parents are ok with a manny diapering their daughters. |
Anonymous
Excuse my language, but are you fucking kidding me with that statement? Go away, never hire a nanny or manny. |
Anonymous
Are you cool with the idea of female nannies diapering boys? Get real. The vast majority of women and men are not pedophiles, and there is nothing sexual about diapering a baby sicko. |
Anonymous
Our child is a girl. We've had the same manny since she was an infant. She is not toilet trained yet. I have no problem with trusted men, including our manny (and BIL, and cousins) diapering our daughter. (Men are not inherently pedophiles.) |
Anonymous
Did you already know him before you hired him? |