Nanny dilemma
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Anonymous
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We have a fabulous live-in nanny who does a great job with our kids overall. She's extremely organized and tidy and plans fun outings for them everyday. We pay per pretty well -she earns $1000 net a week plus we pay her taxes above that plus health insurance. However I have the following concerns that are making me feel that this is not a great fit but I am struggling to call it quits because she is very good at her job. My concerns are as follows:
1. I was very clear during the interview that we would need her on some Saturdays. Her contract says 2 Saturdays a month. However she is usually unwilling to work on Saturdays at all. She has been with us since march but has only worked one Saturday so far. We both work full time so we like to go out on Saturday evenings. I don't expect the nanny to work all day- just a few hours a couple of Saturdays a month. 2. I was clear in the interview that we would need her to clean the house. My kids at in school until 12 for 3 days a week. She helps with getting ready in the morning and drops them off at school which is 10-15 minutes away and picks them up. At the interview I told her that I expected the house to be cleaned once a week on one or over all 3 of the days the kids are at school. During her first week here she told me she is too busy to clean and she had asked her friend to clean for is for $60 a week. I was taken aback but I agreed but I am not happy because I think there is more that enough time for her to lean the house. 3. Again, during the interview, I was very clear that I want my kids to be spoken to in Spanish. It is very important to me. She is Spanish speaking but she simply will not comply. I have had a serious chat with her, cajoled, pleaded- but she doesn't do it. I always have spanish speaking nannies for this reason. Her English is good but not perfect, which is fine, except she insists on speaking to the kids in broken English which has ruined their spoken English while their Spanish is also disappearing. 4. We have 3 kids. My oldest is 11 and is at school and sports all day until I pick him up at 4:30 an we come home together. The nanny mostly cares for our 3 year old twins. I noticed during the summer that she would not provide breakfast and lunch for my 11 year old. A lot of the time it was okay and he'd make himself a sandwich/cereal or get some fruit etc. at other times when those things were not immediately handy he just went hungry. I talked to her about it and asked her to make sure he had breakfast and lunch everyday. She looked very put out and tried to argue her way out if it by saying he was asleep when she gave the twins break fast or was not hungry when she was serving lunch etc. I had to tell her to just prepare the food and to let him know what it was and let him heat it whenever he was ready to eat. She s brilliant with the twins but these things annoy me. I am thinking of letting her go. What does everyone think? |
Anonymous
| Schedule a formal "review" meeting. Go through the entire contract. Take notes and then give her a copy of your 'minutes'. See what happens. Sometimes just seeing the facts in writing works wonders. |
Anonymous
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I don't quite see how you characterize the nanny as "fabulous" when it sounds like she is flat out not doing the full job you specified (like the cleaning and the Saturdays), and refusing to do things you requested (like speaking spanish).
Honestly, she doesn't sound fabulous to me and it sounds like a well-paying position. I think you're struggling w/ being a boss - which I totally understand. But you hired her and are paying her well to do a job she is not fully doing. She does parts of it well, and refuses to do other parts. Try to look at it less apologetically. If you decide to replace her you have a job that will be attractive to many - you don't need to put up with this. |
Anonymous
| sounds like a bit of an idiot. or maybe brilliant -- she's making far above market and simply ignoring many of your requests. She doesn't feed your child? And you consider her fabulous? Are you high? |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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An 11 yr old is more than capable of making himself breakfast and lunch. Most 6 yr olds can do that. How hard is it to pour a bowl of cereal, or pop a waffle in the toaster? How skilled do you need to be to spread peanut butter on a slice of bread slap a couple slices of turkey between to slices of bread? Good grief. If he were hungry he'd figure out a way to eat.
I'd be more annoyed about the Spanish and broken English. Maybe the cleaning, bu tonly because she didn't clear it with you first. The Saturdays....no one really wants to work 6 days a week, esp twice a month! Is that included in her salary or would you be paying extra? If extra then just find someone else who needs the cash. If it was i cluded in her weeklynpay, dock her pay! Problem solved. She's overpayed anyway. She doesn't need to work Saturdays because she's makimg plenty as it is so there's no motivation. |
Anonymous
+100 Live in nannies usually make around $400-$600 a week not 1K and she can only communicate in broken english. She isn't doing her duties and what could she possibly be busy doing for 9 hours a week when all the kids are out of the house? She wants you to hire her friend to do her tasks while she does nothing? I can't believe that you let this go. Your nanny has landed a sucker and is very good at manipulating you. |
Anonymous
| Your nanny does not sound "fabulous" at all. She only wants to do what she wants to do, contact be damned. Find someone who honors your contract. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for the feedback. To answer some questions: 1. For Saturdays we will be paying her overtime at 150% which we do anyway if she goes over 40 hours. I understand that many do not like working on Saturdays which is why I labored the point at the interview to the point where she came back with questions at which I clarified that it wasn't every Saturday nor all day Saturday. Just 3-4 hours on the Saturdays we go out. We are always back by 10:30 -11:30. I only put 2 Saturdays on contract to cover myself. I hate baiting and switching particularly with my kids' care givers. 2. I know it seems like I am a sucker but, this being our third nanny (1st was with us for 5 yrs but, at 65, I didn't think she would be able to cope with 2 new borns especially as she was already refusing to drive because she was getting nervous; second- after 3 years betrayed our trust in a big way- borrowed money from us to buy a car which she never bought and went to our neighbor begging for the money to pay us back telling neighbor we were threatening to sack her if she did not pay is back -we were not), there doesn't seem to be the perfect nanny out there. 3. I could insist she stick to the contract but what's the point in having someone unhappy with us caring for our kids? This is why I haven't pushed the Saturday and cleaning issues. If she's going to be irritable with the kids as a result I'd rather not go that route. Wouldn't it be better to just try again? We try so hard to make our nannies happy by being very clear at interviews, paying reasonably well with perks ( medical insurance, taxes, 5 days paid sick and 4 weeks paid vacation (2 weeks nanny's choice )), giving interest free loans with easy repayment terms, but there's always an issue. I figure this nanny checks most of the boxes, hence my hesitation in firing her. |
Anonymous
| I understand OP's dilemma. At some point, you have to say, "enough is enough". How many nannies do we want our child to have, throughout the first years of life? Three, five, ten? What are the longterm consequences of instability? |
Anonymous
| Definitely let her go. You are paying far above market for a live in and she is not doing the job you hired her to do. She is completely taking advantage of you. |
Anonymous
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Seriously. She may be a wonderful 12-14/hr nanny (gross, live in rate) for someone to be great with the kids, have no extra duties, no flexibility, and complete freedom with the non kid time. Those jobs are out there, and I'd bet for someone who wants that she'd be a perfect match.
But you are paying essentially twice that with excellent benefits. You should be able to find someone who can provide the quality work for the kids, plus all the extras. Otherwise, your rate makes no sense! |
Anonymous
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OP, there has to be more to the story.
How many hours (excluding the Saturdays) does the nanny work each day/each week? Even if she works 50 hours a week, to net $1000 per week she's probably making more than $22 per hour. I don't know where you are finding these nannies but my gosh, you can do better! You're offering: more than $22/hr nearly 9 hours of free time each week (some of which needs to be spent cleaning, but unless you live in a mansion it should only take 2-3 hours) 4 weeks paid vacation 1 week paid sick health insurance loans? Why the heck does she need loans? This can't be real. Unless you and your husband are an absolute nightmare and your kids are little hellions, there is no way you shouldn't be able to find a dozen people better. |
Anonymous
Ah..its the queen of the nanny con artists. She sounds like the OP's nanny. This is utter bull shit and only something a bad nanny who hopes to prey on naive moms would believe. OP you should not continue to employ this person who is taking advantage of you and do everything you can to not hire another one like this. Your kids will not miss this nanny AT ALL. Reality is that kids transition really well between nannies. We had a nanny move away. We really liked her and vice versa but the kids were perfectly fine with the new nanny. |
Anonymous
And what do you know of "attatchment", Einstein? |