NOT giving AP car use?
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Anonymous
| This is our first time hosting an AP in the DC metro area (just moved to Bethesda). We have decided to NOT make driving a condition for employment and also to NOT offer a car for her to use in her work or personal time. We live less than 5 minutes to the nearest bus stop(s) with direct buses to the metro, the mall, downtown and northern shopping areas. DH takes the bus/metro to work every day without difficulty. Our new AP just arrived and so far she hasn't balked, but I'm expecting some backlash as soon as she meets some of the local APs who do drive. My question is - how many other HFs expect their AP to use public transportation solely? How does your AP handle late night outings and going places not well served by metro/buses. I am not adverse to allowing her to use a vehicle on a case by case basis but every AP I've had so far has been of the "give an inch, take a mile" ilk and it's a slippery slope I'd like to avoid for as long as possible. |
Anonymous
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It's fine. If one lives in the city, one gets around primarily by mass transit.
Perhaps you can pay for or put money towards those zipcar things. I'd give her phone numbers to some taxi companies and tell her that hitchhiking is illegal. Make sure she's safe, OP. Make sure she has a way to get home safely late at night. |
Anonymous
| I haven't heard of APs who have no access to a car. Have you discussed this with your agency? |
Anonymous
Our DC Au Pair in America LCC told us its very common that families don't give car access in DC. We live right by the Metro in Bethesda and we all three share our one car. We model the behavior we want as a family - we metro pretty much everywhere ourselves and have also frequently put money on her Metro card. I completely understand not having them drive - it's very expensive, can be an issue that creates tensions, and inevitably there will be some damage at least. In our experience (though I'm sure this is not true of all APs), none of our au pairs has even begun to appreciate how expensive and stressful it can be to share a car. All that said, though, every one of our AP's friends have at least some access to a car. I don't know any that have their own dedicated car - it seems common to have to share. But she will most definitely notice that most APs in our area (I'm assuming), do drive. She'll even meet a few whose host parents pay for all their personal gas and pretty much let them drive anywhere. I know from personal experience that you can most definitely get anywhere you need to go without a car. But I would be very very clear to your au pair that she will not have access to a car, what that means for getting around, what your reasons are for not having her drive, and model getting around without a car yourselves. Be prepared for her to mention that so-and-so au pair has a car she can use whenever, be prepared for some irritation on her part about it, be prepared to help her get around as much as you can. It is certainly done, you can certainly get around without one. Just be clear on that and you will be fine as long as you have a mature au pair who is a person that doesn't mind building in a bit more time and effort for the metro/bus. |
Anonymous
| Did you mention no car use in the interviewing process? |
Anonymous
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Looks like some people don't remember what it's like to be young and wanting to get to the mall, see friends etc ...
You can give access to a car and monitor its use. |
Anonymous
OP here - yes it was discussed at length. Unfortunately, as with almost all things, APs agree to limits and items in advance because A) most will take whatever comes along first to get to the US and B) they don't really understand the impact of what they are agreeing to until they have to actually live with it. In this particular case, I don't think it's a big deal, but I know that the perception of a 19 year old may be different than that of a 44 year old. |
Anonymous
We actually live within walking distance to a Starbucks, Montgomery Mall, Giant, CVS, etc and there is a direct bus down the block to the metro and the mall, so it's not like she is isolated at all. If she chooses not to want to walk or use public transport, that is her choice. |
Anonymous
Thanks for the valuable input. Regarding "some access to a car" how do you set this up? Is it an ask on a case by case basis or do you set certain days/times? Also, what limits do you dictate where and when in order to make it more convenient to share. In other words, I don't mind letting her take it to for a cluster meeting that isn't near public transport, but I don't want her using it to go to the mall when there is a bus that goes there, or to the metro station - then leaving me with no car while it's parked less than a mile from our house. Any advice from HPs managing a shared car in this regard is welcome. |
Anonymous
I've been a HP for 5 years, I've seen an AP in rural central PA who had to take the kids everywhere by bike, even in the dead of winter, I've seen an AP who was allowed to use the car to take the kids anywhere they needed to go but then couldn't use the car AT ALL if she wasn't using it for work (guess who's AP took her everywhere?) and plenty of APs who lost personal driving due to poor judgement or bad driving. Car usage is not a right, it's a privilege and not even remotely dictated by either the State Department or the Agencies. It falls in the same category as cell phones, season tickets and family vacations. An Expensive perk that most families offer is some way shape or form but rarely appreciated by the AP until it's missing. |
Anonymous
| You have to provide everything for her,no question about..... |
Anonymous
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OP, I'm the PP who posted at length about our own experience car sharing with an AP near the Bethesda metro. I'll tell you about some of our challenges if its helpful. We live .75 miles on a straight walk to the Metro and I can see a bus stop that goes straight there and runs every 10-15 mins from my front steps. We also don't have restrictions on where she can drive - if I trust her driving my kids, I trust her driving into DC. She does have to ask to take it, but I can't remember a time we've said no because we really don't use it that much ourselves. We both metro to work, so it's there all day and we rarely drive anywhere after work, so it's pretty much here all week. We mostly use it Saturday morning and sometimes Sunday evening, but that's not really when she's going out anyway.
Of course, we told her when we were matching that we shared a car and that we expected her to mostly rely on public transportation. We sent her a little map with distances in KM so she could see where she would be walking. We sent her a bus schedule. We confirmed that she took public transportation in her own city. You know downtown Bethesda - there's tons to do and also busses that go many other places right by the Metro. There are also tons of cabs all the time. Seriously, you really can get anywhere you want to go and an AP who lives here without a car is not isolated in the least. So with all that background, we've still had issues of the give a inch, take a mile variety. And of the comparing our family to other APs variety. She likes to take it pretty much wherever she goes and doesn't get why she couldn't just have it if we're not explicitly planning to go somewhere. She probably takes it 3-4 times a week and parks it in a garage by the Metro because she doesn't like to walk the .75 miles, wait for the bus, or spend $6 on a cab from the metro. We tried in the beginning to say that if she's just going to the metro, we'd rather her take alternate transportation (like we do!) so we can have the car for an emergency or if something comes up or just because those are the terms we matched under. But she never got that. She's very black and white - she needed me to tell her when she could ask for the car ("only when I am going more than a mile? Only when I am going somewhere I can't get to on the bus?"), but really I couldn't say specifically, just to please be cognizant of when you really need it rather than just want it. Anyway, gave that up, and now she drives it more than we do. It wasn't worth arguing about and we really don't use it that much. We have matched again and I was very very very clear and specific in our handbook about car use. The other thing I do actually get is that her friends are going to be in the Bethesda suburbs. You can take a bus to those houses, but it is really inconvenient, requires lots of walking, and is very not sexy to show up at your friend's house party sweaty from the walk and when everyone else has driven. It also sucks relying on everyone else to drive you. And finally, since we don't have a curfew, there are a few times each week that she gets home like 2 or 3. She metros, but then doesn't feel safe (which I get) walking home that late. Things to think about 
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Anonymous
| Oh and she will be comparing you to other host families, probably by around the 3-4 month depending on how social she is. "Can you believe so-and-so has her own car and her host parents pay for all her gas??" She might say to you by way of complaining. It used to drive me crazy. What I'd want to say is "you don't remember that so-and-so was over here the other night complaining that she has four kids, her schedule is all 45 hours, and her host mom isn't buying her enough food? Want to switch with her so you have your own car?" My point is that none of my APs have done a good job thinking about host family situations globally. They see all the good things about every host family and don't realize that there are good things and bad things about every situation and you have to be happy with what you get or rematch. |
Anonymous
| We also had very bad experiences with the car and have severly restricted car use. We allow the AP to use car to go to the gym (on designated nights) and we pay for the gas. Otherwise, she cannot have the car for personal use. I was just tired of the constant asking and having to have a reason as to why she can't have the car. Oh, and we put money on a metro card once in a while. |
Anonymous
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Good grief, who cares of the au pair compares you to a host family that provides a car??? When your kids are teenagers do you plan to buy them everything once they identify that one other person has that object? Will they be allowed to do anything once they identify that one other teenager was allowed to do it? No, you wouldn't. If your au pair is manipulative and picks up that you are the type to compete with other hosts families then prep yourself for a very difficult year.
You have sound reasons for not providing a car. You were upfront in the matching process about it. You live in an urban environment, near public transportation so the au pair is not stuck in rural PA. |