NOT giving AP car use?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We also had very bad experiences with the car and have severly restricted car use. We allow the AP to use car to go to the gym (on designated nights) and we pay for the gas. Otherwise, she cannot have the car for personal use. I was just tired of the constant asking and having to have a reason as to why she can't have the car. Oh, and we put money on a metro card once in a while.

She takes buses to the movies on Friday nights?

[Anonymous]

PP, are asking me to see if you know the AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, are asking me to see if you know the AP?

No. There simply is no bus stop in the Washington DC area that's safe for a young single female at night. It seems like a liability question.

[Anonymous]

No. There simply is no bus stop in the Washington DC area that's safe for a young single female at night. It seems like a liability question.

Are you kidding? You really think that its safer for a young single female to walk to her car parked on a side street or in an alley at night than to wait at a well lit bus stop facing a busy street? It is far safer for the college kids and younger professionals who stay out until 1 am to be using public transportation than off street parking.

[Anonymous]

We live near the metro and only have one car, which I almost never use (I metro to work, and to go out in the city) and DH only uses to get to his job, which is not convenient by metro. Our AP does not have access to our car (she would have to go through the process of converting her driver's license anyway, which she hasn't shown much interest in doing), and she gets around just fine by metro and bus. I have many friends in DC who do not own cars and rely on public transportation solely. Before I moved here, when I'd visit friends in DC without cars, we went everywhere by public transportation. We are clear in the matching process that we do not provide car access, and actually - it helps expand the AP pool for us, because lots of good potential APs do not drive, or don't want to drive in a foreign country or city with bad traffic like DC. I realize that it is a little different for APs who mostly have friends in the DC suburbs, because there car use is much more common, and it is harder to get around to some places out in the suburbs without a car. But if an AP is mostly city-bound, it is just fine. The APs get around DC the same way that I and my friends did as young people living in or visiting DC, the same way that students who are their age get around, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No. There simply is no bus stop in the Washington DC area that's safe for a young single female at night. It seems like a liability question.

Are you kidding? You really think that its safer for a young single female to walk to her car parked on a side street or in an alley at night than to wait at a well lit bus stop facing a busy street? It is far safer for the college kids and younger professionals who stay out until 1 am to be using public transportation than off street parking.

I'm the PP who mentioned that my AP parks in a garage near the metro to drive the .75 miles home because she doesn't feel safe walking/bussing/cabbing home from the Bethesda metro and this is a great point that I never thought of. So rather than walking out in the open down a major street or spending $6 on a cab ride, she's walking into a parking garage at 2am. So actually you're right, it would probably be statistically safer NOT to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, who cares of the au pair compares you to a host family that provides a car??? When your kids are teenagers do you plan to buy them everything once they identify that one other person has that object? Will they be allowed to do anything once they identify that one other teenager was allowed to do it? No, you wouldn't. If your au pair is manipulative and picks up that you are the type to compete with other hosts families then prep yourself for a very difficult year.

You have sound reasons for not providing a car. You were upfront in the matching process about it. You live in an urban environment, near public transportation so the au pair is not stuck in rural PA.

PP you missed my point. I'm warning OP that her AP will compare her, but that she should just ignore the comparisons because APs tend not to think about the who family situation but rather just the component parts. I'm saying that it used to irritate me that she compared us, but I got over it quickly because there's nothing I can do - if she's not happy with the situation she matched into, she can rematch

[Anonymous]

OP, you have been upfront about not having a car for her use and about the convenient public transportation options for her. I think that's all you can do, really.

Help her find apps for bus schedules and give her some taxi numbers in case of emergencies, and you should be good to go.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, we live near you, and our last two au pairs have not *wanted* to use the car--we offered it for personal use if they would get a MD driver's license but they never bothered. If they came home late, they took a taxi or came home with a friend. Two things that helped: (1) I choose older, more mature au pairs, who are less of the "take an inch" variety (22+), and (2) I specifically ask during the selection process whether they regularly use public transportation and stress that public transportation is important in our area. I lived in DC most of my adult life without a car, using public transportation, so I don't think it's too much to ask *provided your au pair has experience using public transportation* which is common in Europe and in the bigger cities worldwide (eg Sao Paolo). If our next au pair wants to use the car and get a license, we will permit it but we already have rules written in the handbook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like some people don't remember what it's like to be young and wanting to get to the mall, see friends etc ...

You can give access to a car and monitor its use.

We actually live within walking distance to a Starbucks, Montgomery Mall, Giant, CVS, etc and there is a direct bus down the block to the metro and the mall, so it's not like she is isolated at all. If she chooses not to want to walk or use public transport, that is her choice.

.

It does not sound like you live close to the metro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like some people don't remember what it's like to be young and wanting to get to the mall, see friends etc ...

You can give access to a car and monitor its use.

We actually live within walking distance to a Starbucks, Montgomery Mall, Giant, CVS, etc and there is a direct bus down the block to the metro and the mall, so it's not like she is isolated at all. If she chooses not to want to walk or use public transport, that is her choice.

.

It does not sound like you live close to the metro.

Actually, the bus at the end of the block goes directly there or it is a 2 mile walk (half hour walk)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the PP who posted at length about our own experience car sharing with an AP near the Bethesda metro. I'll tell you about some of our challenges if its helpful. We live .75 miles on a straight walk to the Metro and I can see a bus stop that goes straight there and runs every 10-15 mins from my front steps. We also don't have restrictions on where she can drive - if I trust her driving my kids, I trust her driving into DC. She does have to ask to take it, but I can't remember a time we've said no because we really don't use it that much ourselves. We both metro to work, so it's there all day and we rarely drive anywhere after work, so it's pretty much here all week. We mostly use it Saturday morning and sometimes Sunday evening, but that's not really when she's going out anyway.

Of course, we told her when we were matching that we shared a car and that we expected her to mostly rely on public transportation. We sent her a little map with distances in KM so she could see where she would be walking. We sent her a bus schedule. We confirmed that she took public transportation in her own city.

You know downtown Bethesda - there's tons to do and also busses that go many other places right by the Metro. There are also tons of cabs all the time. Seriously, you really can get anywhere you want to go and an AP who lives here without a car is not isolated in the least.

So with all that background, we've still had issues of the give a inch, take a mile variety. And of the comparing our family to other APs variety. She likes to take it pretty much wherever she goes and doesn't get why she couldn't just have it if we're not explicitly planning to go somewhere. She probably takes it 3-4 times a week and parks it in a garage by the Metro because she doesn't like to walk the .75 miles, wait for the bus, or spend $6 on a cab from the metro. We tried in the beginning to say that if she's just going to the metro, we'd rather her take alternate transportation (like we do!) so we can have the car for an emergency or if something comes up or just because those are the terms we matched under. But she never got that. She's very black and white - she needed me to tell her when she could ask for the car ("only when I am going more than a mile? Only when I am going somewhere I can't get to on the bus?"), but really I couldn't say specifically, just to please be cognizant of when you really need it rather than just want it.

Anyway, gave that up, and now she drives it more than we do. It wasn't worth arguing about and we really don't use it that much. We have matched again and I was very very very clear and specific in our handbook about car use.

The other thing I do actually get is that her friends are going to be in the Bethesda suburbs. You can take a bus to those houses, but it is really inconvenient, requires lots of walking, and is very not sexy to show up at your friend's house party sweaty from the walk and when everyone else has driven. It also sucks relying on everyone else to drive you. And finally, since we don't have a curfew, there are a few times each week that she gets home like 2 or 3. She metros, but then doesn't feel safe (which I get) walking home that late.

Things to think about

Thanks again! I think you just helped reinforce my resolve to stick with the original plan of no car use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, we live near you, and our last two au pairs have not *wanted* to use the car--we offered it for personal use if they would get a MD driver's license but they never bothered. If they came home late, they took a taxi or came home with a friend. Two things that helped: (1) I choose older, more mature au pairs, who are less of the "take an inch" variety (22+), and (2) I specifically ask during the selection process whether they regularly use public transportation and stress that public transportation is important in our area. I lived in DC most of my adult life without a car, using public transportation, so I don't think it's too much to ask *provided your au pair has experience using public transportation* which is common in Europe and in the bigger cities worldwide (eg Sao Paolo). If our next au pair wants to use the car and get a license, we will permit it but we already have rules written in the handbook.

It's funny, when we matched we lived in a city where there was no public transportation and we absolutely needed a driver, so I took a pass on a lovely girl from Munich because she never drove much. Then after we matched with current AP, we found out we were moving here! I told her right away and she insisted she didn't care and still wanted the match. But she is from a small village where car use is the only mode of travel, so we'll see.

[Anonymous]

As long as you told the au pair in advance, you can do whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

If she gets mugged, robbed, or rape walking from bus stop/metro to house, will it bother you?