I think MB is scarred from prior nanny.

[Anonymous]

I feel as though she is walking on eggshells all the time as if I'm going to blow a fuse. I've worked for them for two months.
Last Monday, she told me she adjusted his sleep/eating schedule a little. After going over it, she quickly said, "You can see you don't have to feed him any more times, just in a different order..." She seemed worried that I wouldn't be receptive to it. Sheesh, even if I was feeding him an extra time, I wouldn't have seen as a big deal, just part of my job.

Yesterday, I texted her something like, "when is a good time to talk? I just want to discuss my schedule." She left me a voice mail sounding worried, saying "I'm home and can talk whenever you want. I hope everything is okay." She thought I was mad, when I just wanted clarification on something.

She once asked me if she took out his blocks, would I be okay cleaning them up. In my head I was screaming, "Yes! Please give us the blocks! This poor boy has hardly any toys!" I guess she had noticed we were building things with his books. I coolly said, "sure, no problem to clean them up." She said the old nanny didn't like cleaning them up and mom would come home to a big mess. Once again, isn't cleaning up toys part a nanny's job?

The up side of this for me is that every little thing I do, they think I'm Mary Poppins. I amazed them by teaching their 2y.o. some little songs, and by knowing that a fair-skinned boy needs sunscreen.
But seriously, any tips on how I can convince the parents - especially mom - that they don't have to worry so much about catering to me? Yes, I know this is a great problem to have.

[Anonymous]

Reassure her openly, with a warm smile, that you love working for them, think their son is darling, and are really happy to have found this position. Ask if there is anything she'd like you to do differently and whenever she does ask you to change something, thank her (again with a smile) genuinely for being direct with you and let her know you'll adjust immediately and to please let you know if anything else ever comes up that she wants you to do/change.

It'll probably take a little time - just like it takes nannies who've been burned by their last MB a little time - but she'll get there. Glad it is working out so well!

[Anonymous]

Some people are anxious about almost everything, so it might not be just you. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Is she foreign? I have several friend that are always anxious whether someone is happy about something. I've been tempted tell them I was perfectly happy until you started badgering me about whether I am happy.

[Anonymous]

She's American, so am I.
But she does seem a little high-strung in general. I guess I pride myself on putting my families at ease, and she's just a tougher nut to crack.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you didn't "coolly" say things to her when she asks something of you, she wouldn't be so timid. You kinda sound not so helpful in reassuring her, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

she seems fucking crazy.

even if you didn't clean up, let the fucking kid play with some toys. what an awful mom.

[Anonymous]

MB here - I'd like to think I'm not quite that bad in terms of anxiety but I can relate. We had a really awful experience with a caregiver for about a month and it seriously did scar me. She clearly had some kind of issue with me and my DH, who is the most mild mannered person ever. She was always rude and angry and would tell us how awful our DC was. DC didn't talk enough, wasn't social, didn't listen to her (DC was 16 mos. at the time) Stupidly, we tried to work it out thinking it was just some kind of miscommunication and trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. After a terrible month, we ended the relationship, paid severance and went our separate ways. We have a great nanny now but I do find myself really hesitant to ask her to do even basic normal things because I'm traumatized from last time. What helps me most is when I do ask her to do something and she's really open to it. Even better, when she offers to do something I didn't know if it would be okay to ask for. Maybe you could offer some ideas for her? I know people will say watch out for job-creep, but it doesn't sound like this person will try to take advantage of you so I wouldn't worry too much. Also, if it does get out of hand you can always worry about setting a limit then.

[Anonymous]

OP here - No, she's not an awful mom. She's a wonderful mom.

I agree that may be if I'm more demonstrative about loving my job, she would get the message I'm happy about being there. I really have no worries about job-creep. I've noticed that if I ask her, "Would you like me to do such-and-such?" she will usually say politely that I don't need to bother. But if I just take the initiative and do it, she seems pleased.

[Anonymous]

Honestly?

It sounds like you don't have a rotten work agreement. I would insist on that- outline schedule, how changes will be handled, pay for various situations, any benefits you receive, notice/severance periods, and a list of duties.

This may reassure her that you're professional, plan to be with them long term, and the list of duties will help her realize what you are/aren't willing to do as time permits so she won't feel bad. You could also write in some regular review times to go over any changes/etc.

Sometimes having everything laid out in writing and the conversation that goes with it will o a long way towards reducing anxiety from the unknown for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Pp here: and I posted from ipad without reviewing my post stupidly. I meant a WRITTEN work agreement, not rotten!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are anxious about almost everything, so it might not be just you. What do you think?

Really? From what the OP wrote, the parent seems awful? Okaaaay. Something is wrong with you then.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP:

Thanks for posting this. I"m a scarred former MB who is now reading this board again as I prepare to hire a new nanny for a new baby.

I had a nanny break my trust (lie to us on a number of occasions) and then quit unexpectedly after we did everything to accommodate her.

We live in an area where there are no center spots for infants and so nanny is how we have to go and I realize that there are a lot of great ones out there. I have also hired a number of people (for work) and think I"ll be better at it.

I thank you b/c you confirmed my suspicion that new nanny will be able to tell that I was scarred by old one. Must get over it asap!

[Anonymous]

13:35 here: I hasten to add our nanny was a GReAT nanny to the kids! she was just a bad employee as it were.

[Anonymous]

You working for Terri??