Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Hi MBs,

I have a wonderful nanny who cares for my 11 month old son almost 50 hours a week. She has a son of her own, who is just a month younger. Her aunt currently watches him. While our nanny takes DS to activities like baby storytime at the library and Gymboree during the week, he doesn't have a lot of one-on-one interaction with other babies. He is so social and loves playing with other babies, and while I have neighbors with little ones around the same age, I was thinking it might be nice to suggest to our nanny that DS and her son have a weekly playdate together. Her aunt could bring our nanny's son over for an hour or so to play, which would give our nanny more daytime fun with her son. It seems like a win-win to me, but DH is skeptical. Has anyone done something similar? If so, would love details of how you arranged it. Can anyone think of potential risks/downsides? Any thoughts welcome!

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm sure our control freak paranoid poster will tell you why you must not be allowed to consider a trial.

I'd suggest a trial, one hour a week as you suggested, and see how it goes. What are your husband's fears? I'd try to address them respectfully.

[Anonymous]

OP I agree with you DH. I wouldn't open the door on this as it may lead to more than play dates. At 11 months old, even though your baby may be social he isn't playing with other babies and doesn't need play dates.

[Anonymous]

I can't fathom why your nanny has a son your child's age and leaves him to care for your child. A weekly play date would be nice wow she never gets to spend time with her own kid!

[Anonymous]

OP what is DH's objection exactly?

I've never been in this situation but if it's a nanny you love and trust, I can't see how this would be bad. The kids are too young to play together but they're not too young to enjoy watching other children (and adults) and an extra hour a week where your nanny gets to see her son is bound to increase her loyalty to you and her appreciation of the job. I say try it once or twice and see how it goes, I bet it will be wonderful.

[Anonymous]

OP 11 months old don' have play dates. Play dates at this age do nothing for their social skills and are only for the adults which is fine if a parent or nanny needs some adult interaction. However, your DH is exactly correct in being skeptical. There is no reason to start orchestrating this.

I have had two neighbors who have run into problems with nannies starting to bring their children with them. It starts out as just once in a while if the nanny's caregiver isn't available which was fine. The problem is that the frequency increases beyond just once and awhile. It created an awkward situation where the MB now had to undo an expectation that the nanny had created. In both cases, the nanny ended up being let go which wouldn't have happened otherwise if both employers had not opened the door to bringing along her child.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Re DH's concern, I think he is worried about a slippery slope issue....why can't he come multiple days a week, or for more than a couple hours?

To the PP who said she doesn't understand why our nanny would leave her own son -- it is simple: MONEY. She needs money to care for her family (she supports TWO sons, plus her aunt, without the help of a partner).

We try to treat her with respect and compensate her well...I'm hoping this playdate arrangement, if we decide to do it, will only encourage more loyalty and happiness!

That said, if others have more words of warning, please do share. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

OP again: To those of you who insist playdates aren't important at 11 months, when exactly DO they become important? What's the tipping point?

[Anonymous]

Around age 2 it becomes more interesting for them, they are developing social skills and they start interactive play rather than parallel play. At around 18-20 months, they seem to become very interested in other children but they are more looking at them or parallel playing than actually doing a play date. You can achieve this by going to a park.

[Anonymous]

That said, if others have more words of warning, please do share. Thanks!

Your DH is right about slippery slope. If you are not interested in having your nanny bring her child everyday, do not start this. There is no way that your nanny would not want to bring her child along everyday and stop using her aunt and/or paying her aunt. This will turn into the aunt not coming over for the playmate and you nanny just bringing her child for the day...then the week.. and then she will tell you how wonderful this is and hit you up for everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP 11 months old don' have play dates. Play dates at this age do nothing for their social skills and are only for the adults which is fine if a parent or nanny needs some adult interaction. However, your DH is exactly correct in being skeptical. There is no reason to start orchestrating this.

I have had two neighbors who have run into problems with nannies starting to bring their children with them. It starts out as just once in a while if the nanny's caregiver isn't available which was fine. The problem is that the frequency increases beyond just once and awhile. It created an awkward situation where the MB now had to undo an expectation that the nanny had created. In both cases, the nanny ended up being let go which wouldn't have happened otherwise if both employers had not opened the door to bringing along her child.

You could benefit from a good course in early childhood development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Around age 2 it becomes more interesting for them, they are developing social skills and they start interactive play rather than parallel play. At around 18-20 months, they seem to become very interested in other children but they are more looking at them or parallel playing than actually doing a play date. You can achieve this by going to a park.

The 15 month old I care for absolutely ignores other children at the park (or in any public place) but loves to parallel play during indoor playdates. It's also good practice sharing toys at an early age, reinforcing no pushing/biting/etc., and playing with toys they don't normally see.

[Anonymous]

From a nannies perspective...

I think your DH is right. It becomes a slippery slope once you start opening up the opportunity for your nanny to have playdates with her child and your son. 11 months is pretty young, I wouldn't be worried about socialization yet. The activities your nanny does with your son currently are enough. Does she ever take him to the park? That's a good place to meet other nannies/moms for playdates in the future. Maybe once I have my own family my outlook will be different, but until then- I think your nanny should leave her child with her aunt.

[Anonymous]

Around age 2 it becomes more interesting for them, they are developing social skills and they start interactive play rather than parallel play. At around 18-20 months, they seem to become very interested in other children but they are more looking at them or parallel playing than actually doing a play date. You can achieve this by going to a park.

This. Also, your DH is right about a slippery slope. It also blurs boundaries. There is no plus that can't be had with play dates with other kids your child routinely sees, like kids in the park, at the library, etc.

Odd that you call this a potential win-win. That's the same language the nanny who thinks nannies should bring their own children with them to work without a reduction in rate is a good idea. A win-win, she says. Since she is the only poster who thinks that, it's so very strange that you sound so much like her. It's even odder she hasn't weighed in yet about her "experience".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Around age 2 it becomes more interesting for them, they are developing social skills and they start interactive play rather than parallel play. At around 18-20 months, they seem to become very interested in other children but they are more looking at them or parallel playing than actually doing a play date. You can achieve this by going to a park.

This. Also, your DH is right about a slippery slope. It also blurs boundaries. There is no plus that can't be had with play dates with other kids your child routinely sees, like kids in the park, at the library, etc.

Odd that you call this a potential win-win. That's the same language the nanny who thinks nannies should bring their own children with them to work without a reduction in rate is a good idea. A win-win, she says. Since she is the only poster who thinks that, it's so very strange that you sound so much like her. It's even odder she hasn't weighed in yet about her "experience".

It's the jealous poster again.