Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi MBs,

I have a wonderful nanny who cares for my 11 month old son almost 50 hours a week. She has a son of her own, who is just a month younger. Her aunt currently watches him. While our nanny takes DS to activities like baby storytime at the library and Gymboree during the week, he doesn't have a lot of one-on-one interaction with other babies. He is so social and loves playing with other babies, and while I have neighbors with little ones around the same age, I was thinking it might be nice to suggest to our nanny that DS and her son have a weekly playdate together. Her aunt could bring our nanny's son over for an hour or so to play, which would give our nanny more daytime fun with her son. It seems like a win-win to me, but DH is skeptical. Has anyone done something similar? If so, would love details of how you arranged it. Can anyone think of potential risks/downsides? Any thoughts welcome!

The playdate thing sounds like it's your idea, right? Well, the natural thing seems to be to ask the nanny - is this something she'd be interested in? She may very well say no - what if it's not convenient for the aunt to schlep the kid back and forth? Ask her and see what she says.

If the playdate is for an hour a week, I don't see what the big deal is. You can always try it out and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

That said, if others have more words of warning, please do share. Thanks!


Your DH is right about slippery slope. If you are not interested in having your nanny bring her child everyday, do not start this. There is no way that your nanny would not want to bring her child along everyday and stop using her aunt and/or paying her aunt. This will turn into the aunt not coming over for the playmate and you nanny just bringing her child for the day...then the week.. and then she will tell you how wonderful this is and hit you up for everyday.

This is what I would worry about, OP. Don't go down that road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had the money to pay OP's nanny so she could.stay at home with her own son. She is way too good for OP

+1000

I bring my son to work as needed. I would never work for a family with a child similar to my sons age and not be allowed to bring him. Sure it's about money, but that's just ass backwards and so so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't fathom why your nanny has a son your child's age and leaves him to care for your child. A weekly play date would be nice wow she never gets to spend time with her own kid!

It's the "I can't fathom" poster again, who has been told numerous times that the nanny is doing it as a JOB but still cannot understand how any mother in her right mind could leave her child to care for another women's child even though women have been doing this FOREVER. Must be nice to live in a bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't fathom why your nanny has a son your child's age and leaves him to care for your child. A weekly play date would be nice wow she never gets to spend time with her own kid!

It's the "I can't fathom" poster again, who has been told numerous times that the nanny is doing it as a JOB but still cannot understand how any mother in her right mind could leave her child to care for another women's child even though women have been doing this FOREVER. Must be nice to live in a bubble.

17:11, there's a bunch of us so get off of your horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I wish I had the money to pay OP's nanny so she could.stay at home with her own son. She is way too good for OP


+1000

I bring my son to work as needed. I would never work for a family with a child similar to my sons age and not be allowed to bring him. Sure it's about money, but that's just ass backwards and so so sad.

The "ass backwards" and "so so sad" part is that you think the money you save trumps the needs of the family and favors your need to bring your kid to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I wish I had the money to pay OP's nanny so she could.stay at home with her own son. She is way too good for OP


+1000

I bring my son to work as needed. I would never work for a family with a child similar to my sons age and not be allowed to bring him. Sure it's about money, but that's just ass backwards and so so sad.

The "ass backwards" and "so so sad" part is that you think the money you save trumps the needs of the family and favors your need to bring your kid to work.

You should do some work on your paranoid fears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't fathom why your nanny has a son your child's age and leaves him to care for your child. A weekly play date would be nice wow she never gets to spend time with her own kid!

It's the "I can't fathom" poster again, who has been told numerous times that the nanny is doing it as a JOB but still cannot understand how any mother in her right mind could leave her child to care for another women's child even though women have been doing this FOREVER. Must be nice to live in a bubble.

17:11, there's a bunch of us so get off of your horse.

Yeah, I'm a +2 to that too

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could recognize that a nanny/employer relationship is different from a conventional "professional" relationship, and certain considerations could be made; be it doing personal laundry, sharing food, taking a nap, or hanging out with your own child once a week...perhaps some of the animosity and distrust could be replaced with caring, compassionate and mutually beneficial situations that would be good for all of the individuals (especially the children!) involved. It's truly sad to see the low level of respect that so many of the MB's here seem to have for the people who care for their children. This thread is just making it all the more obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't fathom why your nanny has a son your child's age and leaves him to care for your child. A weekly play date would be nice wow she never gets to spend time with her own kid!

Really? You can't fathom why a woman would leave her child in the care of another woman so that she could go earn money to pay to feed and clothe and house that kid? You are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't fathom why your nanny has a son your child's age and leaves him to care for your child. A weekly play date would be nice wow she never gets to spend time with her own kid!

Really? You can't fathom why a woman would leave her child in the care of another woman so that she could go earn money to pay to feed and clothe and house that kid? You are an idiot.

IMO, you are the only idiot here who believes that a helicopter nanny is a good nanny.

Both the helicopter parent (AND the helicopter nanny) are harmful to a normal child's development. It's been proven that these children suffer a higher than average rate of depression. The Washington Post featured an article about this problem.

[Anonymous]

The attitudes being displayed by nannies on this thread are one of the biggest reasons never to allow your nanny to bring along her child!

OP for your question. The problem is that you are envisioning a once in while one hour play date where the aunt comes over as well. Your DH is right that this is not what is going to happen. The nanny's child will come without the aunt for entire morning or afternoon and then a full day. She will end up hitting you up for bringing her child with her everyday.

Your nanny may not be one of the awful ones on this board who will accuse you of wanting to helicopter your children if you don't provide her with free childcare, take on the liability of having her kid in your house, and fund food/activities for her kid. Your nanny will try to rationalize in her mind that this can work because the benefit is so tempting to her. This has ONLY downsides for you.

[Anonymous]

Helicopter moms demand helicopter nannies.

[Anonymous]

Fanthom poster here. No sorry I'd never leave my 10 month old to come give the same love and attention to your 10 month old 50 hours a week, sorry. However I'd be more than willing to bring my child a long to give them both love and attention! 50 hours a week is a lot to not be able to see my child. That's why I only accept nanny positions where my son is allowed. I was contacted for a position that would pay $1000/wk and turned down the interview because my son couldn't be brought with me. It's not about the money to everyone ya know. Being able to see my child is VERY important to me.

[Anonymous]

Then maybe you should be a SAHM, PP.