Huge mess when nanny is away
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I currently nanny for children who are generally very well behave and sweet, but I need some ideas on how to get the kids to keep their stuff picked up when I am not at their house. Every evening and weekend the dishes, toys, books, dirty socks, shoes etc pile up around the house. There are 3 kids that live in the house full time ages 1, 7 & 12, and a 13 year old that comes on weekends, vacations and 1/2 the summer. The weekends the oldest child is here things are especially bad, there are a lot of issues with this child believing she is in charge of the adults and that she doesn't need to listen to any adults. Generally I would have the kids pick up after school, but we have after school activities 4 days a week, homework to do and I am only with the kids 90 minutes when they get home. On weekends MB is doing some office work, caring for the 1yr old,running the kids to play dates, practices, other parents houses and picking up DB's mess from around the house. She does tell the kids to pick up but they generally just pile everything in the sink or on their bedroom floors. I know she tries to keep up with them, but she essentially has 5 children she's trying to take care of. I will show up on Monday morning and the dishwasher will be clean with 1/4 of them being what I loaded Friday afternoon, and the sink heaping with dirty dishes often times with more than a second complete load of dirty dishes. DB does yard work and that is it, I don't think he even knows how to do a load of laundry. He is also a complete push over when it comes to what the kids want.
So what I am looking for is some ways to get the kids to stay motivated with helping around the house when I am not there. They've had chore charts to earn an allowance, it lasts a week or two before they stop. MB is not very good about having cash on hand and forgets to give them their allowance. We've tried a marble jar with incentives tied to that. DB told them they'd get a trampoline...which they earned last summer but now they expect extravagant things if they fill it up. MB offered a weekend at an amusement park and they said "she'll just take us anyways we don't need to fill it to get the trip" I've tried taking things away if they leave them around and telling them they have to earn them back. DB doesn't like to hear them whine and just gives them all their stuff back when MB and I aren't around. I am out of ideas and overwhelmed with their constant messes. |
Anonymous
| Hello? Didn't you say you are the nanny? Allow the parents to behave as parents for a change. |
Anonymous
In what way is she not doing this? |
Anonymous
|
MB has asked for me to help her in this area this summer and I have agreed. MB has a week long out of state trip for work coming up that she is taking DB and baby along for. So I will be home with the older kids and it will be a perfect opportunity to get them on board with what ever I can come up with to motivate them.
It's become an issue because the kids are simply lazy, and in order to do anything you have to clean up first. In order to cook a meal you have to clean the table off and wash dishes. In order to let toddler play you have to clean up pens, markers, school books, etc up from where baby can reach. MB does get things picked up, but as you clean 1 area the kids and dad trash another area with cups, food wrappers, toys etc. In my opinion MB is a great parent who does her best and needs some help. She owns 2 businesses, but still finds the time to take 3 day weekends twice a month during the school year, and 4 day weekends during the summer to stay home with her children. She's organizing the custody battle for Db's child who lives with a parent who is constantly verbally abusing her. She volunteers in each of the kids classrooms 4+ times per year. She does what she can to be a good parent to her kids and when she needs help she asks. So thanks for any help |
Anonymous
| No doubt that your mb&db are good people but if you are sick of their children not listening to you AND them, then you need to be frank with the parents. Straight up say you will leave if the parents do not start enforcing rules and sticking with them as far as keeping the house clean. Or start charging extra for housekeeping. Sounds like they are expecting you to change their household dynamic without them having to change themselves... That won't work |
Anonymous
+1 This isnt something you can change, because you can't change mb/dbs behavior, and that's the biggest part of the problem. |
Anonymous
+2 |
Anonymous
| If they aren't going to enforce anything there's nothing you can do. You can come up with the best system in the world but it doesn't sound like they will follow through with it. |
Anonymous
|
The parents are just going to undo every bit of good training you do. Especially as MB and DB aren't on the same page. Things you CAN do are:
*implement a 5pm (or whatever time works for you) clean up - for 10m everyone needs to go find things to put away. * trade tidying up. When your charges ask you to do something ask if they have tidied up "can I please have a turn on the playstation?" "Is your coat and bag on the hook and your toys in the box?" I would also ban the kids from the kitchen while you are there unless they are able to clean up after themselves |
Anonymous
|
I am in the same boat as the OP! I nanny for 4 Mon-Fri and dread coming in on Mondays due to the mess, poor behavior and lack of discipline from MB and DB. I too, have implemented chore charts, behavioral incentives but they are not done when I am not present. When I am there, the charges are well behaved but if parents are around listening, behavior and general structure go right out the window. My charges are much younger so I have had to adjust my expectations.
I did find it helpful to type out my concerns and goals, give a copy to MB and go over them one by one. She went over them later with DB. We talked about problem areas, time frames of behavior, bad habits and the need to correct them. She was appreciative of the feedback and almost immediately confessed that she needed to be better about discipline.....however....2 months later, we are back where we were for the most part. |
Anonymous
| 12:10 here again, I quickly learned that my DB is also messy and quickly let MB know it was frustrating and that I was happy to clean up after the children but not him. It is bothersome though when his stuff is in the way. I generally try to add in his clean up if I am cleaning up after the children. Otherwise, I find a place to set his mess aside and leave it there. |
Anonymous
|
I figure out that parents here just have the title "parent"
They are lazy as hell and in weekends while kid make mess they wait for you to come clean . The are associating nanny and maid. That never works with me |
Anonymous
| You could do more on Friday (run & unload dishwasher before you leave, do all laundry) and then have kids help you clean up Monday morning before or after school and vacuum, put away their laundry. Mondays can be tough in this situation you can ask MB to hire a housekeeper for mondays, even every 2 weeks (or if they have one ask MB to have her come Monday mornings). Offer incentives of special activities you know each child likes to happen immediately after chore is done, make cookies, smoothies, or Popsicles, play a game or watch a DVD, have a friend over, whatever you know they'll enjoy. You can have them help you do a speed clean for half an hour Monday afternoons, play music and everyone gets two or three jobs to get done in thiry minutes. Do what you can to help, but with this many kids things will be a mess most of the time, you'll have to let things go sometimes. |