Nanny brings another charge while watching my kids

[Anonymous]

I have a great nanny for my 4 and 2 year olds (boy/girl). She works for us 3.5 days/week and has another family with a toddler she works for on her days off and weekends. Recently something has consistently come up with the other family where they need her to watch their toddler during the days she is taking care of my kids. At first I didn't have a problem with this, as I assumed it was a rare instance. But it has become very consistent/weekly and I'm not sure how to handle it.

Is this normal? Should she be offering to adjust my hourly rates when she has the other charge with her? it's also at my house, so there is added clean up, etc.

she's great and I want to keep her long term, I'm just not sure what to do. I'm afraid to approach the subject as it's difficult to find a nanny who is p/t. I pay her very well though, so I am a bit put off by this as she clearly can't commit her full attention to my 2 kids when the other child is here.

[Anonymous]

No, this set-up is totally inappropriate. I would be concerned about the other child being injured in my house, among other things. Your home is not a licensed and insured daycare facility for other children, and you should kindly but firmly explain this to your nanny.

[Anonymous]

She may feel stuck and feel like she needs to say yes to the other family in order to keep her job with them.

If I were you I'd talk to the nanny and ask what's going on that she's bringing Jordan every Tuesday and ask how long this is supposed to go on for. If she says "oh, just until the end of May" I'd be okay with it. If she doesn't have an end-date that's soon, I'd ask for the phone number of the other parents or ask her to have them call me and tell them if they want to share my nanny then let's work out a fair nanny share, but right now, they are having her take her attention away from my children who she is scheduled to be watching and that is not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may feel stuck and feel like she needs to say yes to the other family in order to keep her job with them.

If I were you I'd talk to the nanny and ask what's going on that she's bringing Jordan every Tuesday and ask how long this is supposed to go on for. If she says "oh, just until the end of May" I'd be okay with it. If she doesn't have an end-date that's soon, I'd ask for the phone number of the other parents or ask her to have them call me and tell them if they want to share my nanny then let's work out a fair nanny share, but right now, they are having her take her attention away from my children who she is scheduled to be watching and that is not acceptable.

I agree. If you can take it up with the other parents, your nanny would probably appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may feel stuck and feel like she needs to say yes to the other family in order to keep her job with them.

If I were you I'd talk to the nanny and ask what's going on that she's bringing Jordan every Tuesday and ask how long this is supposed to go on for. If she says "oh, just until the end of May" I'd be okay with it. If she doesn't have an end-date that's soon, I'd ask for the phone number of the other parents or ask her to have them call me and tell them if they want to share my nanny then let's work out a fair nanny share, but right now, they are having her take her attention away from my children who she is scheduled to be watching and that is not acceptable.

+1

I do think it is very inappropriate that your nanny didn't have a serious talk with you about this before it began, or as soon as it was clear it wouldn't be a one time thing, but maybe she is just as uncomfortable broaching the subject as you are? But you are the employer so just ask her straight out how often she will be bringing little Johnny and go from there. Whether it is short-term or long-term, though, you shouldn't be paying her your full rate during times she brings another child (because she is bringing in a full rate for him as well), so either way make sure to talk to the nanny and the other parents about how you'll compensate her during that time.

[Anonymous]

Not okay. She should have asked you before she ever brought the kids over. And yes, she is double dipping so you should get a proper hourly rate cut next time she brings anyone else over IF you are okay with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, this set-up is totally inappropriate. I would be concerned about the other child being injured in my house, among other things. Your home is not a licensed and insured daycare facility for other children, and you should kindly but firmly explain this to your nanny.

+1

This is something that should have been talked about before happening! If you had agreed to once or twice, and she noticed that her other family was asking for it to happen more often, then it should have been brought up THEN by her. You definitely should not be paying full hourly rate for when she is bringing another child as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She may feel stuck and feel like she needs to say yes to the other family in order to keep her job with them.

If I were you I'd talk to the nanny and ask what's going on that she's bringing Jordan every Tuesday and ask how long this is supposed to go on for. If she says "oh, just until the end of May" I'd be okay with it. If she doesn't have an end-date that's soon, I'd ask for the phone number of the other parents or ask her to have them call me and tell them if they want to share my nanny then let's work out a fair nanny share, but right now, they are having her take her attention away from my children who she is scheduled to be watching and that is not acceptable.


I agree. If you can take it up with the other parents, your nanny would probably appreciate it.

No way. Your nanny is an adult. She knows she is doing something inappropriate and unprofessional. You should not shoulder the liability for another child's safety in your home.

[Anonymous]

OP, what has your nanny said about this?

[Anonymous]

OP - nanny continuously says "this is the last time". I'm also concerned because she has taken my kids on day trips and brought the other child in our car.

thanks for the feedback, I thought this was abnormal but was curious of others thoughts. I'm going to discuss with her further on Monday.

[Anonymous]

If you really trust and value this nanny then maybe you need to find out if she's really being pressured by the other family, and you might need to talk directly with them. Perhaps they need a more robust solution than she can provide but she doesn't feel able to say no to them.

But clearly you get to say no to this. I think it's partially an issue of how many parties need to hear the "no". My nanny wouldn't be very strong in the face of needy parents and a kid she cares about - I know she'd almost never be able to say no, so I would have to do it for you.

It is quite inappropriate of the other family to continue to do this. A couple of times in a pinch, sure - and hopefully that courtesy goes both ways. But it sounds like this is becoming routine and that either needs to be ok with you (and there needs to be a change in the financial compensation to reflect that) or you get to say no.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Why should the OP talk to the other family? Is the nanny not an adult??? The other family isn't the problem, the nanny is. She either works for you or them during the hours you need her. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should the OP talk to the other family? Is the nanny not an adult??? The other family isn't the problem, the nanny is. She either works for you or them during the hours you need her. Simple.

Because it would be the nice thing to do if the problem is that the nanny doesn't feel like she can say "no." Not everyone is capable of confronting a boss who might really need the help or who is in general so oblivious that he/she would assume another family wouldn't mind if her kid tagged along. Maybe she has said something and it was ignored. In any case, the MB has no financial relationship with the other family and can discuss the situation at greater length and with the absolute authority to say "no," since it's her kids, car, and home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should the OP talk to the other family? Is the nanny not an adult??? The other family isn't the problem, the nanny is. She either works for you or them during the hours you need her. Simple.

Because it would be the nice thing to do if the problem is that the nanny doesn't feel like she can say "no." Not everyone is capable of confronting a boss who might really need the help or who is in general so oblivious that he/she would assume another family wouldn't mind if her kid tagged along. Maybe she has said something and it was ignored. In any case, the MB has no financial relationship with the other family and can discuss the situation at greater length and with the absolute authority to say "no," since it's her kids, car, and home.

I don't understand this. I also have two part-time child care positions. If there was a conflict I which both parents needed care at the same time, first I would never bring one family's kids over to the other family's home without asking and secondly, it would be absurd for the family who I am supposed to be working for speaking on my behalf to the family who is asking for off hours care. I'm an adult. Even if me saying I can't watch the kids is ignored, I just wouldn't show up. What is this nanny, a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should the OP talk to the other family? Is the nanny not an adult??? The other family isn't the problem, the nanny is. She either works for you or them during the hours you need her. Simple.

Because it would be the nice thing to do if the problem is that the nanny doesn't feel like she can say "no." Not everyone is capable of confronting a boss who might really need the help or who is in general so oblivious that he/she would assume another family wouldn't mind if her kid tagged along. Maybe she has said something and it was ignored. In any case, the MB has no financial relationship with the other family and can discuss the situation at greater length and with the absolute authority to say "no," since it's her kids, car, and home.

I don't understand this. I also have two part-time child care positions. If there was a conflict I which both parents needed care at the same time, first I would never bring one family's kids over to the other family's home without asking and secondly, it would be absurd for the family who I am supposed to be working for speaking on my behalf to the family who is asking for off hours care. I'm an adult. Even if me saying I can't watch the kids is ignored, I just wouldn't show up. What is this nanny, a child?

PP from...way back, haven't weighed in for a while and I only said MB should talk to the other family because I expected they'd want to negotiate a nanny-share rate and not let either parent get taken for a ride by paying full rates to this nanny.