Baby cries when nanny leaves
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Anonymous
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*I know there have been posts about this topic but I couldn't find them.*
I have been a nanny for an awesome 15 month boy for nearly a year. In that time I have built a wonderful relationship with him and his parents. I spend 45 hours per week caring for the baby and we have a very close bond. Occasionally over the last 2 months, he has begun to cry when I leave. I know that this is pretty normal and it really didn't become a problem until the last few days. When MB comes home, he cries when she picks him up and tries to throw himself out of her arms toward me. She told me that he cries for 30 minutes after I leave. I feel terrible. I always make it a point to talk about mommy and daddy with him, look at pictures of them and to visit their office during the day occasionally (MB and DB love this.) I worry that MB is going to become resentful of me. She seems very sad when this happens. What do I say when this happens? Do I say nothing? Do I apologize? |
Anonymous
| All you can do is give a quick and short goodbye, then leave. It's just a phase he's going through, it will stop if no one feeds into it. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I always do a short goodbye with him.
I'm looking for advice on what to say to MB. |
Anonymous
| You could try prepping him for her return and your departure. Have a routine for the end of the day, so he knows what is coming. At the end of the day have him help you put his toys away and maybe choose a book or toy to play with mom when she arrives. Help it to become a time he looks forward to, and say your goodbyes with as little fuss as possible. |
Anonymous
| There's nothing you can say to her that will make it better, just ignore it and it will pass. |
Anonymous
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I'm an MB, and we have this sometimes with one or both of our twins and our nanny. I understand that there are phases like this, I'm thrilled that the attachment with/between our kids and nanny is so good, I know they know I'm their mother, etc.... and it is still hard for me sometimes.
I think talking w/ the MB, acknowledging what's going on, is a good idea. You can tell her you're sorry - these phases are always hard and you are doing what you can to minimize it (the quick, calm goodbye, the pictures and Mom/Dad references during the day etc...). I also like the PPs idea of the "return prep rituals". Assuming she's a rational person the MB understands this on an intellectual level and hopefully won't resent you, but talking with her about it could make it much easier for her. If nothing else that allows you to acknowledge that it may be hard for her, which is considerate of you. |
Anonymous
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Both my kids did this with our nanny. yes, it hurts and you can't do anything to change that for the MB - it is worst if this is her first too. Good tactics:
1. leave quickly unless MB is the one prolonging it. Nothing good to come from trying to comfort the baby yourself. Rip the bandaid off and he will calm down quicker 2. If this has happened before w/ other families mention how common it is - that this is a stage that will pass but that many many nanny kids go through. 3. Hope your MB is rational. If so, it will mean that even though she is very sad, unless she plans to be a SAHM instead then this is actually a good thing since it indicates child is very attached to his caregiver - that is what a rational mom should want in someone taking care of her kid for 8+ hours a day, even if it does suck to be on the receiving end of the screams. In my case, it took a few months for this to be less common. Got better as the kid got towards 2. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thank you to everyone for your responses!
10:45- very good suggestion! I think a consistent routine before MB arrives will help to curb his reaction. MB actually brought it up with me this morning and told me that while she feels somewhat sad about his reactions lately, she is very happy that he and I have a close bond and that she feels lucky to have me as his nanny. |
Anonymous
This is some great advice. Maybe discuss that you will be doing this with MB so she feels less threatened and more like you guys are working together? You sound like a wonderful nanny and it's really great that your charge feels so close to you. All in all, I'm sure your MB knows that this is a great problem to have 
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Anonymous
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My charge is 15 months and does the same thing with me when her father comes home. It's not about attachment. it's more about transition. The child is losing his "playmate" and has recently become aware of it. What you need to do is maintain a consistent goodbye routine that includes a distraction.
Food as always worked for me. I make sure her afternoon snack is right as i'm leaving. I give her snack say goodbye. If she gets upset and the food doesn't work i tell the parents to blow bubbles. She completely forgets about me after a few minutes and has come to associate her parents with food and play time. |
Anonymous
Love this idea! Keep showing him their pictures with excitement. Maybe make special photos glued onto bright conduction paper with glitter and hide the picture (easily), then look for mommy. And just keep up the excitement when it comes to mommy and daddy. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Today was a success!
I suggested to MB that we both start tickling him (he LOVES to be tickled!!) and I will quietly walk away and let her continue. It worked! He didn't even notice that I left! |
Anonymous
| It's nice to read about a positive resolution on here! Thanks for sharing, OP. |