Need Advice on 2 Different issues
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Anonymous
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Issue 1: Baby backpack Harness...
I feel like my 2 year old charge would really be safer if I had a harness on him. He bolts and really doesnt listen. He has a twin sister who is the complete opposite and likes to hold my hand and listens really well! He is delayed in a a few areas of developmental (cant talk for 1) and is going for therapy soon, but I really just would feel safer with him safely close to me. He will hold my hand but he will go floppy and colapse into the ground. I bend down and tell him he needs to walk like a big boy, and that will work for about 10 mins then its back to flopping on the floor. I want them to walk as appose to being in the stroller all the time (plus its a pain to bring everywhere when all they want to do is run.) I want to let him have safe exploration but its really difficult. is it okay for me to suggest it to MB? or as an MB how would you feel if your nanny brought this up. Issue 2: This same DC hits, bites,pushes and pulls hair. not just me and his sister but kids at playgroups and kindergyms, libraries. We talk about how hands are not for biting or pulling hair or pushing... but its not working! Im not sure what else to do.. done time outs but they dont seem to effect him... I need some advice from you fabulous nannies! People who have BTDT!! Thanks you guys! |
Anonymous
| How long have you been taking care of them? |
Anonymous
| Since they were 10 months |
Anonymous
I'd definately tell them you'd like the harness. Lots of American parents don't like the way they look, so be prepared. They'd rather clamp the kid in a stroller than allow him to walk with a safety harness. |
Anonymous
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There's no harm in mentioning the backpack harness. Just explain your safety concerns along with your view on the importance of allowing them to walk at times.
As far as issue #2 is concerned it is likely a direct result of the severely delayed speech. Right now the only way he is able to effectively express himself is to do those undesireable behaviors. He is frustrated and unable to express his feelings and thoughts. It's very normal behavior for a child his age who has a language delay. For the time being you'll need to shadow him closely to determine and watch for his triggers. Once you differ those out you'll still need to shadow him closely in order to intervene and provide him with the words and an alternative behavior. It basically means you'll be talking for him in some situations, but it's better than the alternative until he develops enough expresisive language to drop the behaviors. Example: You're at the library and he starts to make a grab for a book someone has and when unsuccessful he reaches out to hurt. Gently catch his hand and say something along these lines, "you really want that book. She is looking at it. Let's ask her for the book. Say 'Book Please.'" He needs simple phrases right now. Cognitively he likely knows it's not ok to hit, bite, etc... Unfortunately his language delay prevents him from responding in other ways. As his language develops the behaviors will start diminishing. If you don't do so already introduce some sign language to give him a way to express himself. Simple things that are of use in his daily life. |
Anonymous
What other countries use them? I ask because my relatives (from 2 other countries) talk about how when you come to America, you will see people walking their kid on a leash like a dog. I am also personally relatively well traveled, and have not seen these products elsewhere. |
Anonymous
The one I used to use for my charge was actually "made in France". |
Anonymous
| Find another job, this kid sounds awful. |
Anonymous
I know right?! Sheesh! |
Anonymous
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Since the other twin is well-behaved it sounds clearly like a developmental problem and not a parenting problem. Why complain about the poor child, PPs, rather than offer some useful advise to OP on how to better handle it.
OP - i see no harm in asking about the leash if you explain that you are suggesting it: 1) out of safety concern and 2) so both kids can be more free in terms of not having to stick to the stroller since you can't trust the 1 not to make a break for it. that said, i don't see why the leash would help with the collapsing to the ground problem. sorry - no advise on the biting/hitting issue. |
Anonymous
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Issue 1 = since you are the one actually with the twins all day, MB might not realize how hard it is and think you are lazy. But, as a mom of 2 year old twins myself, I know just how flippin hard it is! That being said, I am still very much against kid leashes. Just can't bring myself to it. My girls are both delayed in all areas and don't listen well, but I make sure that we are all safe. It realy does take a lot, but I do it. It's just a season and it will pass soon. Just don't be surprised if MB says no.
Issue 2: my older DS was a hitter and a pusher. He was speech delayed (however, my twins are much more speech delayed and have no problems in this area). I'd say it's just his personality. It took me 2 years to really get rid of the hitting. I did everything. I mean everything to get it to stop. DS is 6 now and doesn't hit or anything, but he is still on the rougher side. I wish that I could tell you what worked, but I don't know. It got better as he could talk more and express himself. I was only very, very consistent with consequences. I had to always set clear expectations, etc. I'm sorry, but it's a long hard battle sometimes. My best friend is going through this with her 2 year old now and doesn't know what to do. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Have you thought about teaching him some sign language? He could be very frustrated not being able to talk. And he is a two year old boy. Some of this is typical behavior. It will take time, but being consistent and modeling behavior to him will help, but it will take time. |
Anonymous
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MB here with 19 mth old b/g twins. Mine don't have any delays but other than that every single word of your post is true in our house also.
I have been considering the harnesses so I know where you're coming from. I don't think it would hurt to discuss it w/ the MB. I'd love to have perfectly behaved kids who hold my hands and walk safely, but I don't - at least not yet. So I'm thinking about a harness as a way to keep them safe. Definitely worth a conversation. If my nanny wanted them I would completely understand - their safety trumps everything and I consider this an example of something like that. Re the behavior - he sounds pretty normal - especially if he's delayed in communication. As other posters said, a lot of the behavioral acting out is driven by frustration at not being able to communicate. If you can try to see if from that perspective it can make it a little easier to tolerate. (The idea of trying a bit of sign language is a very good one. If he picks up and uses a few signs you'd quickly get a sense of whether communication frustration is at the heart of his behavior.) My girl is verbal, holds hands, is relatively calm, etc... My boy does the same flopping to the ground routine, bites, hits, doesn't use the handful of words he does have, throws tantrums etc... Quite a bit of that is very normal developmental stuff for boys and girls and the majority of it will go away over time (especially given calm, consistent redirection of energy). Also, w/ twins it's pretty common for one of them to take the lead on communication and interaction, and my son is certainly lazier than my daughter so we see that playing out w/ his language skills. In any case, he IS NOT AN AWFUL KID!!! Jeez!!! He's a normal little boy who is trying to find his way in a world where he can't yet communicate. That's awfully tough. Just try to hang in there until he catches up w/ himself. (And redirect, redirect, redirect on all the hitting and biting. That is brutal. I've been reduced to tears by the abuse on particularly awful days!!) It will get better though, and if your twin charges are anything like mine the boy will offer the sweetest hugs and cuddles (when he's in the mood) that help mitigate some of the behavioral stuff. Good luck!!! |
Anonymous
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Op here. Thank you so much to the last poster! That was so enccouraging!! He is a sweet boy. He loves to give hugs and cuddles and kisses. And has a great sense of humar.
No, I'm not going to quit. Although it gets frustrating these kids are very specail to me and this isn't a quitting matter. He has some signs. More/please/thank you... Doesn't use them unless you ask him too. Every day before I get him out of the car we talk about how hitting and pushing kids is NOT kind! And we MUST keep our hands to ourselves. The shadowing thing is a good idea but not intirely practical. As I have 2 two year olds. DD who is constantly wanting my attention as well an also needs supervision during our outings. I agree the boy is NOT HORRIBLE!!! He's a sweetheart! Thanks keep it coming. Anyone have advice on the best way o bring up the harness to MB |
Anonymous
OP, 9:32 here again. One thing you could try when going on walks is to bring a stroller (single stroller if you can swing it, but double is fine also) and tell the boy that either he holds your hand or he goes in the stroller. Mine are sick of the stroller now so maybe the consequence would dawn on him and your hand would be the lesser of the evils. 
Re bringing it up to MB - just ask to talk with her and then just tell her what you said in your original post, first paragraph. If my nanny said "I'd really like Joe to be able to explore and I'd like to be able to walk with him but he doesn't reliably hold my hand. Would you be ok w/ trying some sort of harness so I can make sure he's safe, while I continue to work on the hand-holding thing? " I would totally understand. Especially if you approach it as a short-term solution while he's still figuring out language, discipline, rules, etc... I hope your MB would react well. You've been with the family for quite a while so you ought to have some credibility! Failing that, ask her to come for a walk with you and the twins!
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