What would you think?

[Anonymous]

We have a PT nanny who has been with us for 5 months that we found through an agency. It's a little complicated how it works but basically most weeks we have her 3 days a week and if she wants she can fill her other days with babysitting jobs through the agency. If we cancel a day she can get another job from the agency or if she can't work a certain day or gets sick the agency will find us someone else.

She's a fantastic nanny. She's amazing with the kids. They love her and she loves them and she has become part of our family. She's always been very reliable and trustworthy. In the last month though she has cancelled at the last minute 3 times. She has had a lot going on with family things and once she had the flu. Every time she cancelled I always told her not to worry about it, just take care of whatever was going on and we would find someone to fill in for her. It's supposed to be her job to call the agency if she has to cancel but I've even done it for her because she had so much going on.

Normally she doesn't work on Mondays but I asked her last week if she could work then because I have an appointment in the morning and I can't bring the kids. She said she could and we confirmed it on Friday. She texted me just now that she couldn't work tomorrow because of something family related. It's important but not an emergency. Because it's Sunday night it took a while to reach someone at the agency. So far they have always been able to find a replacement for me at the last minute but I know they can't always so I was worried when we couldn't reach anyone. I told the nanny I understood what she had going on and didn't want her to have to come tomorrow but I wasn't sure what to do because of the appointment I can't miss. She texted back and said she'd do what she could if we couldn't reach the agency. I finally heard from the agency that they have a replacement for tomorrow. So basically the end result is fine for tomorrow but when I texted our current nanny to tell her it is all worked out she didn't text me back.

I'm feeling a little annoyed but I have A LOT of other stressors right now and this just added to it so I don't know if I'm over reacting. I am annoyed that she cancelled even though I do kind of understand the reason but since it's not an emergency I feel like she probably could have come given how many times she has cancelled recently. I'm also annoyed that she hasn't said, "thank you for understanding and working it out" even once.

Basically I just want to know if I am overreacting because of the stress I'm going through otherwise or if I should be legitimately annoyed and concerned. To be fair, the doctor appointment I have tomorrow is because we are currently going through IVF which the nanny doesn't know. It is certainly adding to my stress but since we haven't told anyone we are doing IVF right now she doesn't know just how important this appointment is tomorrow. But then on the other hand my saying it was something I can't miss should be enough.

[Anonymous]

I think it's perfectly reasonable to set up a meeting with your nanny and discuss cancellations. Because while it's great to have flexibility, you also need reliability.

Three times in one month sounds like a lot to be cancelling. Are you also cancelling on her during that time, or is it just her?
I only ask because a former PT family cancelled on me many times and it got to the point where I had to replace them.

[Anonymous]

I think that is a lot, but she may have accepted this job (with the built-in backup care) thinking it would allow her to be flexible and meet her family's needs. You need to figure out what you want and then be clear. For example, you might feel that if she is going to miss more than twice a month, then that is a lot and you want more stability for your kids. On the other hand, maybe your kids are old enough that having the same caregiver isn't so important, but you need reliable coverage.

If it's consistency you want, then this arrangement just may not be the best for you. But if you just need reliable coverage, then I think it's reasonable to simply tell her that, while you understand that she may need to miss work, it needs to be her responsibility to call the agency and arrange for a replacement. Maybe if she is the one having to stress about this, she will consider more carefully whether this hassle is worth it.

Overall, I agree that this isn't very professional behavior, but since you need part-time care and it sounds like you want some flexibility, it may be hard to find a great caregiver who is willing to do that without paying an arm and a leg.

[Anonymous]

I think this is too much for you to just accept. She may be lovely and great but if she has things going on in her life that mean she isn't able to commit to a 3 day a week schedule then she is not the right nanny for you. The benefit of an agency is that they can find you more reliable employment and offer her employment when she's available to work.

This situation is just creating stress for everyone.

3x in one month is too much. 3x in one month when that is, in effect, a full week's worth of work for you - is way too much.

Don't feel guilty - just tell the agency you're terribly sorry and if her circumstances change you'd love to have her back but in the meantime you need someone who can commit to the days you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that is a lot, but she may have accepted this job (with the built-in backup care) thinking it would allow her to be flexible and meet her family's needs. You need to figure out what you want and then be clear. For example, you might feel that if she is going to miss more than twice a month, then that is a lot and you want more stability for your kids. On the other hand, maybe your kids are old enough that having the same caregiver isn't so important, but you need reliable coverage.

If it's consistency you want, then this arrangement just may not be the best for you.

Agree with this. You two may be looking at the job differently; the only way to know is to talk to her.

[Anonymous]

You should talk to her before your (justified) annoyance/resentful ness damage the relationship.

It's nice they can provide backup, but 3x in a month for a p/t job and especially last minute is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Pp here:

I should add that I do get it- I do the majority of care/driving around/errand running/etc for my dad as well. I know the balancing act is hard- but she should be able to handle her business on her off days barring emergencies/flu. I put off plenty of important things for a day or two to meet my work obligations and manage fine.

If her situation is such that she can't then she needs to switch jobs, enlist more help with family matters, etc. but should not be frequently bailing on her obligations.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for the replies. The benefit of the agency is they do a lot of the dirty work for me since technically she works for them as well as for me. They explained to her yesterday that she is only allowed to call in if she is sick from now on. I feel a little bad because aside from yesterday her previous call ins were for family emergencies (with her parents/grandparents) which I can understand. Like I said, yesterday wasn't a true emergency and actually after talking to the agency I suspect she had said yes to the extra day but didn't really want to do it and now made up an excuse not to work today.

We are so lucky to have the agency because if she doesn't work out they can find someone else for us but I am feeling really disappointed that she doesn't take this job more seriously. We've had several nannies in the last few years who for the most part have been very good but she by far has been the best. She has previously professed how much she loves my kids (and she acts like it when she's with them) and how she feels like such a part of this family and appreciates how much we care about her. Now I feel like she's just an immature girl who doesn't take this job as seriously as she said she does.

[Anonymous]

What agency is it....Also if everything doesn't work out I'd be happy to help you and your family.

[e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for the replies. The benefit of the agency is they do a lot of the dirty work for me since technically she works for them as well as for me. They explained to her yesterday that she is only allowed to call in if she is sick from now on. I feel a little bad because aside from yesterday her previous call ins were for family emergencies (with her parents/grandparents) which I can understand. Like I said, yesterday wasn't a true emergency and actually after talking to the agency I suspect she had said yes to the extra day but didn't really want to do it and now made up an excuse not to work today.

We are so lucky to have the agency because if she doesn't work out they can find someone else for us but I am feeling really disappointed that she doesn't take this job more seriously. We've had several nannies in the last few years who for the most part have been very good but she by far has been the best. She has previously professed how much she loves my kids (and she acts like it when she's with them) and how she feels like such a part of this family and appreciates how much we care about her. Now I feel like she's just an immature girl who doesn't take this job as seriously as she said she does.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like she does not get paid whether she can't come in OR you don't need her that day. A nanny taking a PT job like that generally needs that flexibility for a reason. I think you're justified in being frustrated that she's calling out so often and at the last minute, and have handled it appropriately (talking to the agency). Just keep in mind that most people who are choosing to only work PT are doing so for a reason, and no matter how good they are at the job or even how much they generally like it, that other reason is usually going to be their primary concern.

[Anonymous]

You need a different nanny, one who's got less personal shit going on in her life.