Job Retreat?

[Anonymous]

I'm a MB and I've read plenty on these boards about job creep, but I have the opposite problem (what I'd call "job retreat"). My nanny is fantastic and we have a good relationship, but in the past couple of months (she has worked for us for 2 years), she has stopped doing tasks that are in her job description to do [let me pause here because this is DCUM to say she is well paid, has paid vacation, guaranteed hours, sick time, the works, and we are generous with bonuses as well; her only tasks are strictly child related, she is not required to clean up anything other than what she and the kids use, she is not required to do any laundry at all, even the kids' laundry, and all of the cleaning tasks she has are listed in her contract - I am also not one of the "keep yourself busy while the kids nap" kind of MBs, so during nap, she watches our netflix, or naps herself on rough days, and that's fine with me as long as the monitors are on]. For example, she has stopped emptying the diaper genie before trash day, tidying up the children's rooms after nap or playtime, making up the toddler bed after nap, etc., and she also has been coming in late (just 5-10 minutes here or there, but pretty frequently).

Nanny is great with the kids and we have a good relationship. Since we do talk frequently, I don't think her performance issues are related to anything going on in her family that is distracting her. I don't want to fire her, and if it were just one thing, or even more than one thing infrequently, I'd probably just ignore it thinking the kids gave her a rough day. So, I'm perfectly happy to sit her down, and I know that's what needs to be done here. Because of our relationship, I want to be considerate and respectful of her when we do talk. But I'm also a pretty commanding person by nature and she is not, so it would be easy to injure our good relationship just by being my usual (admittedly aggressive) self in explaining the issues I see having come up. So here's my question my question to nannies out there - how can I tell her to go back to being the tip top nanny she used to be instead of the too comfortable slacking a little nanny she has become over time? If your MB came to you about this, what could she say that made the point clear without insulting you?

[Anonymous]

F

[Anonymous]

Sorry about that.
How much per hour did you start at, and what have the annual increases been?

[Anonymous]

Before sitting down and having a big talk about it, you might try giving a few casual reminders about these things in passing. If it works, great, no big sit down necessary, if not, well these have at least given you a non-agressive stepping stone to the bigger conversation.

[Anonymous]

OP here, she started at $15 (gross, not net, we pay her legally and do all the proper withholding) for one child, raised to $17 when second came along, and raised $1 per hour since (so now she makes $18). But, even if that is not what some may consider "market" - she is not the kind of person who would just start doing less work because she didn't think she was paid well. I think it is just more that she is "settling in" to the job with us, and not as mindful as she had been in the first 18 months with us.

[Anonymous]

As an MB I've had a similar experience with my nanny and am interested in responses.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny. I'd want you to be honest and just ask me how things are going and if there are any barriers to completing the tasks you need done. Maybe there's a problem she was hesitant to bring up or maybe she's just lazy and needs a reminder. But bring it up in a we're a team and this is your team job but let's work together to find a solution to any problems that prevent you from doing xyz. I'm fairly straightforward though so I don't like it when people best around the bush or say everything is ok when it's not and then explode later.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest the same thing to you as I would a nanny having the opposite problem. Have a conversation with her, starting with how happy you are with blah blah blah, but have noticed A, B, and C haven't been happening as regularly as they used to and that you just wanted to point it out and ask that she continue doing the great work that you know she is capable of. It may just be that she has gotten comfortable and out of the habit of doing these things.

[Anonymous]

Fire her!

[Anonymous]

She will become passive aggressive after this conversation. You just wait.

[Anonymous]

Another MB here. Is she someone who is fluent in English - so that nuance, subtlety, etc... are not a challenge?

Hopefully yes - as that will certainly help with communication.

Since you know you can come across as pretty strong (I totally get this - I'm an alpha female and have to curb myself sometimes) you know you will want to approach this gently. I would suggest letting her know that you'd like to sit down and touch base about how she's feeling in the job, how things are going, etc... - just because it's a good thing to do periodically - not because she's "in trouble" or anything.

Think about how you want to frame the conversation. An approach of "I'd like to talk about the things I see not getting done" versus "You are a great nanny, we are so pleased you've been with us for so long, we really value you and your skills - especially the way you've taught Jane and Joe how to be kind and polite (or whatever). But I've also noticed that you're not doing some of the things you used to do and I am wondering why? How are you feeling about the job? Are you enjoying the job? Do you feel that the workload is manageable?" Etc... Obviously not barraging her all at once with those, but being direct and asking open-ended questions to see if you can get her to open up.)

This isn't earth-shattering advice obviously. But it sounds from the way you frame things that you might have to really establish a calm, comfortable space to get her to talk about whether anything is going on or something has changed. I would be as specific as possible about the tasks, and steer clear from any judgment or language about her personally. (Which is pretty much how you've framed it here obviously)

I had to deal w/ something as a supervisor in my work setting recently and my boss advised me to start the conversation by establishing and reiterating the level of respect for the parties involved - regardless of their role. It struck me as slightly basic advice but I took it and made a point of saying a few things I thought were obvious but apparently they weren't. Establishing that baseline of personal and professional respect for everyone involved really unlocked the conversation. Obviously this is a limited analogy, but I'm offering it just because sometimes it's small behaviors that are the "tells" to a deeper issue of someone not feeling valued or respected - even if that seems unimaginable.

Hopefully she'll just say "sorry I got lazy" or whatever and that will be it. Maybe it will be no big deal and it just needs a clearing of the air to reset everything.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Prior poster here - forgive the egregious overuse of "obviously". I wish we could go back and edit these things after we've posted them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another MB here. Is she someone who is fluent in English - so that nuance, subtlety, etc... are not a challenge?

Hopefully yes - as that will certainly help with communication.

Since you know you can come across as pretty strong (I totally get this - I'm an alpha female and have to curb myself sometimes) you know you will want to approach this gently. I would suggest letting her know that you'd like to sit down and touch base about how she's feeling in the job, how things are going, etc... - just because it's a good thing to do periodically - not because she's "in trouble" or anything.

Think about how you want to frame the conversation. An approach of "I'd like to talk about the things I see not getting done" versus "You are a great nanny, we are so pleased you've been with us for so long, we really value you and your skills - especially the way you've taught Jane and Joe how to be kind and polite (or whatever). But I've also noticed that you're not doing some of the things you used to do and I am wondering why? How are you feeling about the job? Are you enjoying the job? Do you feel that the workload is manageable?" Etc... Obviously not barraging her all at once with those, but being direct and asking open-ended questions to see if you can get her to open up.)

This isn't earth-shattering advice obviously. But it sounds from the way you frame things that you might have to really establish a calm, comfortable space to get her to talk about whether anything is going on or something has changed. I would be as specific as possible about the tasks, and steer clear from any judgment or language about her personally. (Which is pretty much how you've framed it here obviously)

I had to deal w/ something as a supervisor in my work setting recently and my boss advised me to start the conversation by establishing and reiterating the level of respect for the parties involved - regardless of their role. It struck me as slightly basic advice but I took it and made a point of saying a few things I thought were obvious but apparently they weren't. Establishing that baseline of personal and professional respect for everyone involved really unlocked the conversation. Obviously this is a limited analogy, but I'm offering it just because sometimes it's small behaviors that are the "tells" to a deeper issue of someone not feeling valued or respected - even if that seems unimaginable.

Hopefully she'll just say "sorry I got lazy" or whatever and that will be it. Maybe it will be no big deal and it just needs a clearing of the air to reset everything.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

+1 excellent advice (nanny here)

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to analyze your writing to see if you could possibly be my mb.

I am a nanny who has not been herself lately. I've been doing everything I normally do, but not with as much enthusiasm as I once did. In the past, I would put toys away, organize them, etc. however now, I just throw them all in bins. I've been having back issues that my boss is aware of though, so I hope you're not her.

[Anonymous]

I mentioned the back issues with intent to say that I can not bend down as much as I use to be able to.