MB's would you be offended if nanny...
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Anonymous
| Brings up to you attention that kids has been showing signs of ADHD? Like, textbook, you can't brush over it but mom doesn't spend much time (works a lot) and dad is a douche. I don't even know how to help. |
Anonymous
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Not a MB, but I'll chime in as a nanny.
Can you approach MB from the standpoint of mentioning behavior/attention concerns you have? Whenever I have a concern about one of my charges I usually approach MB from that angle. Back in the fall I went to MB with a major concern, and said something along the lines of, "I've been noticing DC doing X lately. It started off occasionally a couple months ago, but I've noticed the frequency increasing. Have you observed this?" She started paying attention and realized that it needed to be addressed. Charge is now getting the help he needs. (Just to be clear MB is very involved and observant, but hadn't realized that what she occasionally saw was increasing or completely abnormal at first.) Be careful not to diagnosis your charge, but bring up concerns in a way that lets your MB know that you have a concern that you'd like her to start watching for in her child. Maybe you could start documenting observations so that you have concrete evidence of your concerns. Good luck. These things are never easy. |
Anonymous
| What sorts of things are you noticing? |
Anonymous
| How old is the child? I'm an MB and I don't think I'd be offended but it depends on the MB and how you approach the topic. I agree with the PP, I'd probably say something along the lines of "Does X do ... with you a lot?" If she is dismissive and seems annoyed you said anything at all then you know you should probably back off. If she is open to discussing it then you will know that you can proceed. Just out of curiosity is this child in school? If so then his/her teachers should have noticed something and mentioned it to the parents as well. If he/she isn't in school yet they might be too young to be diagnosed as ADHD anyway in which case you don't really need to say anything yet. |
Anonymous
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As a nanny, I have had to bite my tongue many times over this issue.
My personal belief is unless you are specifically ASKED about something, you should just keep your lips zipped. You are there to provide a service to them. Nothing else. Care for their child{ren.} Keep them fed, happy + entertained. Oh yeah..and safe. LOL. Unsolicited advice should never be given. It's not part of the deal. |
Anonymous
| We need more info, but in the world of special needs early intervention can lead to Majior success. Don't sit silently, but once you've stated your concerns you'll have to leave it up to the parents to take action. |
Anonymous
I completely disagree with this. Many parents, first time or otherwise, hire a nanny for her experience and the advice that comes with that. It stands to reason that most nannies have been with a greater variety of children than most parents, and therefore have a broader scope of knowledge, especially when it comes to behavioral issues. OP, if you are pretty convinced that this is what it might be, especially if you spend the majority of the child's day with him/her, it is your job to bring it up, however you choose to do it. Caring for a child extends beyond just meeting their basic needs. |
Anonymous
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Hi, this is OP. Agree with pp. Nannies have responsibilities that go beyond of "do as you're told".
My charge is almost 8. When he was 4 he had sensory issues to which behavioral therapy has helped him overcome. He has stopped therapy about 2 years ago. For the past year he has been displaying excessive disruptivness, major lack of focus, can't stop his body for no activity (homework, meals, watching tv etc). Attention is a major challenge and he gets sidetracked by the most ridiculous or random things and I know this is out of his control. He needs to be in constant movement or touching things even when seriousness is expected. He will burst out in the middle of serious things like, if we are reading a report, he will interrup and say "excuse me, do you know so and so went to the bathroom today in school and yadda yadda yadda" like, he'll interrupt me for not any important reason. He won't listen to instructions like "stop what you're doing" unless repeated a lot of times. He argues me down right about anything and everything during the day. All of that while kicking balls, running, "practicing karate", jumping, throwing himself, climbing etc. I swear he must have a little engine somewhere in his body and it's always revving!! I think mom sees it coming but is not with them enough time for the signs to actually sink in. I do believe he would tremendously benefit from therapy again, even if it is not ADHD it is something he needs to learn how to cope these behaviors because it can lead to other things later on in life. Obviously it is not my call but I will bring it up as I have a concern and any professional nanny is responsible to voice their opinions and help the kids (and the parents on the same token!). I just obviously don't want to offend her (my mb) if she is maybe in a totally different page! |
Anonymous
| I'm a MB, and I agree with earlier posters who suggest you talk about what you are seeing with your MB. I'd probably be taken aback if one day you just announced my child had ADHD, but if you sat down and said "this is what I am noticing" with specific examples and situations, I would appreciate that you are observant and concerned, and I would want to know more so I could watch for the same behavior and see a doctor about it. I think you definitely should say something, but delivery and message will be important here. |
Anonymous
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I'm an MB and I would want you to talk with me about it. The way I'd ideally like to have my nanny handle something like that would be to ask if we could talk without Johnny around some time - just to touch base, etc... And then to say "I've been noticing a few things behaviorally and was wondering if you've seen the same kinds of things. It seems like Johnny might be having a hard time w/ focussing or sitting still (or whatever the main couple of things are). I know boys are rambunctious so a lot of this may be normal, but some of it seems like he might be having a harder time managing his emotions or energy level. " Then see how she/I respond(s). If she's receptive you could say that you know the behavioural therapy really helped him in the past, maybe there are a couple of easy things we could try to help him now before it becomes serious.
Basically, take a gentle approach so she doesn't feel challenged or threatened. (A mother's capacity for guilt and self-blame can never be underestimated - even if she doesn't seem like the type.) Hopefully she'll welcome your attention, concern for her son, and good intentions. I would. Good luck. And good for you for raising the issue and thinking about it so thoughtfully. |
Anonymous
I'm also an MB, and I agree with PP. Are there any peds appointments in the near future? That could be a good opportunity, but if they are not for a while, I would say something anyway. You just want to be clear that your comments are born out of concern for DC, and you are not being alarmist or jumping to conclusions--just observing. |
Anonymous
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Another MB here.
I would not be offended if you brought up specific behaviors that concern you, but I likely wouldn't take seriously any diagnosis or conclusions you made, unless you had a masters in special education and several years clinical or teaching experience. |
Anonymous
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9:51:
I am sorry, but I have to disagree w/you on this. Unsolicited advice should never be given. IF a parent asks the nanny for advice, then by all means it should be dispensed. However as a working nanny, my responsibilities lie in caring for the children and as long as I am not asked to do anything negligent or abusive, I am to perform the duties I am being paid to do. Enough said. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
How many houra do you work? Because I often have jobs working 50 or 60 hours a week. MB and DB spend way fewer waking hours with their child than I do, so they simply may not see a behavior enough to connect the dots. While a nanny should respect the parent's wishes, one of the reasons people pay for a nanny rather than daycare is the ability to know what's going on with their kid. A daycare worker can't be expected to give detailed reports of her day, but a nanny can an should let the parents know if she's observing a problem. |