Divorce -- nannies, have you been through one with your employers?

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny for a great family. The parents are going through a divorce and it just sucks. I'm sad for their children, and I'm sad for each of them as my friends.

I guess there is no real advice to be had. I'll just continue to do my job, with even more patience and understanding than usual, so I guess this is more of a vent.

Parents, if you went through a divorce, what did you need from your nanny to help with the changes? What did she to make things easier for you and the kids, or what do you wish she would have done?

[Anonymous]

I once had a divorcing DB tell me that I was the only "stable" part of his child's life. It broke my heart to hear that, but glad that I was able to be there for them. I honestly believe that fewer parents would be getting divorced if they had any clue to the long term consequences for the children. Some children really do have a right to be enraged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once had a divorcing DB tell me that I was the only "stable" part of his child's life. It broke my heart to hear that, but glad that I was able to be there for them. I honestly believe that fewer parents would be getting divorced if they had any clue to the long term consequences for the children. Some children really do have a right to be enraged.

Depending on the home environment, sometimes divorce is healthier for them.

-signed someone who grew up in a home with parents who stayed together despite the fact that they despise each other.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. I'd still love to hear from parents with regard to my original questions.

This is such a weird thing to go through, in the sense that it almost feels like *my* family is breaking up. Even though that is not the case, and I'm not trying to make it about me, the nanny-employer relationship is such a unique one.

I am remaining strong and supportive of the parents and children, but it is a pretty big emotional burden to bear. No one else knows yet, so I can't really lean on anyone for support. It's such a difficult thing to try to explain, anyway -- how hard it is for me. Obviously I'm not going to go to my employers for support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I'd still love to hear from parents with regard to my original questions.

This is such a weird thing to go through, in the sense that it almost feels like *my* family is breaking up. Even though that is not the case, and I'm not trying to make it about me, the nanny-employer relationship is such a unique one.

I am remaining strong and supportive of the parents and children, but it is a pretty big emotional burden to bear. No one else knows yet, so I can't really lean on anyone for support. It's such a difficult thing to try to explain, anyway -- how hard it is for me. Obviously I'm not going to go to my employers for support.

I've never been in your situation OP but from your post it seems like you're too emotionally wrapped up in this. I know its hard when you care about them but you need to separate yourself from it. This is not your family, its not your divorce, and its not your emotional burden to bear. Your job remains the same as it always has; to care for the children to the best of your abilities. As for how you can be helpful, keep doing your best, communicate with both parents about their children but don't get wrapped up in their private lives, and be a happy stable distraction for the kids doing your best to keep this experience from aging them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I'd still love to hear from parents with regard to my original questions.

This is such a weird thing to go through, in the sense that it almost feels like *my* family is breaking up. Even though that is not the case, and I'm not trying to make it about me, the nanny-employer relationship is such a unique one.

I am remaining strong and supportive of the parents and children, but it is a pretty big emotional burden to bear. No one else knows yet, so I can't really lean on anyone for support. It's such a difficult thing to try to explain, anyway -- how hard it is for me. Obviously I'm not going to go to my employers for support.

I've never been in your situation OP but from your post it seems like you're too emotionally wrapped up in this. I know its hard when you care about them but you need to separate yourself from it. This is not your family, its not your divorce, and its not your emotional burden to bear. Your job remains the same as it always has; to care for the children to the best of your abilities. As for how you can be helpful, keep doing your best, communicate with both parents about their children but don't get wrapped up in their private lives, and be a happy stable distraction for the kids doing your best to keep this experience from aging them.

Let me guess, you are not a nanny. Your advice is unrealistic. OP, can you get a counselor or therapist to help navigate this minefield?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I'd still love to hear from parents with regard to my original questions.

This is such a weird thing to go through, in the sense that it almost feels like *my* family is breaking up. Even though that is not the case, and I'm not trying to make it about me, the nanny-employer relationship is such a unique one.

I am remaining strong and supportive of the parents and children, but it is a pretty big emotional burden to bear. No one else knows yet, so I can't really lean on anyone for support. It's such a difficult thing to try to explain, anyway -- how hard it is for me. Obviously I'm not going to go to my employers for support.

I've never been in your situation OP but from your post it seems like you're too emotionally wrapped up in this. I know its hard when you care about them but you need to separate yourself from it. This is not your family, its not your divorce, and its not your emotional burden to bear. Your job remains the same as it always has; to care for the children to the best of your abilities. As for how you can be helpful, keep doing your best, communicate with both parents about their children but don't get wrapped up in their private lives, and be a happy stable distraction for the kids doing your best to keep this experience from aging them.

Let me guess, you are not a nanny. Your advice is unrealistic. OP, can you get a counselor or therapist to help navigate this minefield?

Actually I am. What about my post do you take issue with? Are you trying to say her emotional involvement is normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I'd still love to hear from parents with regard to my original questions.

This is such a weird thing to go through, in the sense that it almost feels like *my* family is breaking up. Even though that is not the case, and I'm not trying to make it about me, the nanny-employer relationship is such a unique one.

I am remaining strong and supportive of the parents and children, but it is a pretty big emotional burden to bear. No one else knows yet, so I can't really lean on anyone for support. It's such a difficult thing to try to explain, anyway -- how hard it is for me. Obviously I'm not going to go to my employers for support.

I've never been in your situation OP but from your post it seems like you're too emotionally wrapped up in this. I know its hard when you care about them but you need to separate yourself from it. This is not your family, its not your divorce, and its not your emotional burden to bear. Your job remains the same as it always has; to care for the children to the best of your abilities. As for how you can be helpful, keep doing your best, communicate with both parents about their children but don't get wrapped up in their private lives, and be a happy stable distraction for the kids doing your best to keep this experience from aging them.

Let me guess, you are not a nanny. Your advice is unrealistic. OP, can you get a counselor or therapist to help navigate this minefield?

Actually I am. What about my post do you take issue with? Are you trying to say her emotional involvement is normal?

Please define 'family', as you see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I'd still love to hear from parents with regard to my original questions.

This is such a weird thing to go through, in the sense that it almost feels like *my* family is breaking up. Even though that is not the case, and I'm not trying to make it about me, the nanny-employer relationship is such a unique one.

I am remaining strong and supportive of the parents and children, but it is a pretty big emotional burden to bear. No one else knows yet, so I can't really lean on anyone for support. It's such a difficult thing to try to explain, anyway -- how hard it is for me. Obviously I'm not going to go to my employers for support.

I've never been in your situation OP but from your post it seems like you're too emotionally wrapped up in this. I know its hard when you care about them but you need to separate yourself from it. This is not your family, its not your divorce, and its not your emotional burden to bear. Your job remains the same as it always has; to care for the children to the best of your abilities. As for how you can be helpful, keep doing your best, communicate with both parents about their children but don't get wrapped up in their private lives, and be a happy stable distraction for the kids doing your best to keep this experience from aging them.

Let me guess, you are not a nanny. Your advice is unrealistic. OP, can you get a counselor or therapist to help navigate this minefield?

Actually I am. What about my post do you take issue with? Are you trying to say her emotional involvement is normal?

Please define 'family', as you see it.

As close as you may be with the family you work for, they are not your family. It's when you start believing they are, that lines gets crossed and it becomes difficult to do your job. I'm not saying OP shouldn't care, but she shouldn't be so broken up about it that SHE needs a therapist. If you don't see anything wrong with being so emotional over your bosses' divorce, I have to question your mental stability as well.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. One of the reasons I am upset is because they ARE more than my employers. Their children were in my wedding. I know all of their close friends and family quite well and exchange presents with some of the family around the holidays.

They know my husband well. We all spend time together outside of work. We have vacationed together outside of work.

I would be upset if any of my close friends who I care about were going through this. It would be abnormal not to be. Add to that, I spend 50 hours a week with their children, and have for the past 5 years.

I don't need a therapist. As with all things, it will get easier with time and as we all adjust to the new way of life.

No, they're not my family, but yes, they are "like family" just like any of my other close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. I'd still love to hear from parents with regard to my original questions.

This is such a weird thing to go through, in the sense that it almost feels like *my* family is breaking up. Even though that is not the case, and I'm not trying to make it about me, the nanny-employer relationship is such a unique one.

I am remaining strong and supportive of the parents and children, but it is a pretty big emotional burden to bear. No one else knows yet, so I can't really lean on anyone for support. It's such a difficult thing to try to explain, anyway -- how hard it is for me. Obviously I'm not going to go to my employers for support.

I've never been in your situation OP but from your post it seems like you're too emotionally wrapped up in this. I know its hard when you care about them but you need to separate yourself from it. This is not your family, its not your divorce, and its not your emotional burden to bear. Your job remains the same as it always has; to care for the children to the best of your abilities. As for how you can be helpful, keep doing your best, communicate with both parents about their children but don't get wrapped up in their private lives, and be a happy stable distraction for the kids doing your best to keep this experience from aging them.

Let me guess, you are not a nanny. Your advice is unrealistic. OP, can you get a counselor or therapist to help navigate this minefield?

Actually I am. What about my post do you take issue with? Are you trying to say her emotional involvement is normal?

Please define 'family', as you see it.

As close as you may be with the family you work for, they are not your family. It's when you start believing they are, that lines gets crossed and it becomes difficult to do your job. I'm not saying OP shouldn't care, but she shouldn't be so broken up about it that SHE needs a therapist. If you don't see anythin
g wrong with being so emotional over your bosses' divorce, I have to question your mental stability as well.

Are you a creep? You sound like one. Wanting to consult with an objective professional about a complicated work situation, is a perfect indication of good mental health.

[Anonymous]

I am sort of going through this. My bosses have been arguing all the time and "on the verge of divorce" for a long time now. I wish they would just do it, because it is so painful for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

I need help with this same issue. What do you do? How do you be fair to both parents? Do you rewrite contract? How about significant cut in hours?

[Anonymous]

http://www.nannyclassifieds.com/blog/10-tips-for-working-with-divorced-parents/