WTF! Please MB, let me do my job!
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I am writing this very sleep deprived, because yet again my 17 month charge kept me up last night. My little guy is going through a stage where he is waking up many times a night. Normally he just cries a few minutes but is able to put himself to sleep. But I think the last couple of weeks, he has been getting his first night terrors. During this episode he screams his head off! He wakes his mom, and normally she comes rushing into his room, turning on the lights, and grabbing him our of bed. She usually calls for me, I sleep next door to child. I am very aware when he wakes up. But I know not to wake baby during a night terror. I am expected to rock baby to sleep so he doesn't cry. But I believe he should cry it out and sooth himself.
I watch him all night on his video monitor, I wake when he wakes. I feel MB thinks I'm ignoring him when I don't rush in his room right away. I am soooooo tired during the day, because I am up all night. I wish MB would let me do my job, and trust me when I say he needs to self sooth. It may be hard to hear him cry, but I can't go and rock him to sleep 2-6 times a night. I feel like I'm letting him down being out of my mind tired during the day, and not my best. But I don't want MB to think I'm lazy during the nights and ignoring my responsibilities. Can I tell MB to STOP going into his room, and to let him cry it out? |
Anonymous
| I'm confused....are you on 24 hours/day??? |
Anonymous
| Yes, confused OP - you are a night nanny? On around the clock? Or just live=in? If the latter, that's super weird. If you are a night nanny only then you do whatever MB wants since presumbably she hired you to do it and is paying you specifically for night-time work. |
Anonymous
| Yes I am a 24hr nanny. But Im supposed to be doing best by him. I can't have him sleep all day because he had a bad night. MB thinks I should be like the baby nurse she had for a year. But I am here to ensure he is growing and learning the right way. |
Anonymous
|
You should really clarify with the mother whether or not cry-it-out is okay with her. It would NOT be okay with me. And OP? There is more than one way to grow and learn.
I would fire you if I found out that when my baby cried, you were not soothing her. Maybe turning on the lights isn't the "brightest" idea, but I would be going in to my baby if she were crying in the middle of the night also. |
Anonymous
| What are they paying you for your 24-hour duty? |
Anonymous
| Agree with pp, I'm a nanny and cry it out is not a good idea. It is only natural for a crying baby to be soothed, it's just not good for their bodies. A little whimpering is one thing but if the baby sounds really upset you should definitely sooth him. |
Anonymous
| Why don't the parents want to parent their own child? |
Anonymous
This is the opinion of one nanny. I'm an MB who has read many books and studies on both sides of the issue and multiple night wakings due to inconsistently reinforced poor sleep habits are also really bad for little toddler bodies. The PPs who said that the nanny and the parents need to agree on a strategy for handling night wakings are spot on. You need to take your knowledge of Weissbluth, Ferber, Mindell, Kim West, whoever it is (preferrably multiple options) to the parent and formulate a "back to bed" plan for helping your charge practice good sleep at night. It needs to be something that MB and DB are comfortable with and can stick with as well as you. If they aren't good with classic cry-it-out maybe Ferber (CIO with checks) or West (attended CIO) would work for them. You want to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the importance of sleep for kids - some families prioritize it more than others - and how important soothing is versus independent sleep. There's no one right way of looking at nighttime caregiving for a child, and it sounds like you and MB haven't talked about what is the right way for this child, this family, and you. |
Anonymous
Why even mention this in a nanny forum? If the parents are willing to pay for 24 hour care it isn't our place to judge that. If you have such an issue with it then you should not be a nanny. |
Anonymous
| If a toddler wakes up and cries 6 times a night, this isn't a problem? So they know to cry, so someone will come right away, take them out of bed and rock to sleep 30-45 mins each time? That's sounds like a great nights sleep for both baby and nanny! |
Anonymous
This is not a BABY. The kid is 1 1/2. |
Anonymous
This doesn't matter, if the mother wants the child to be comforted then that is her decision. OP you need to either accept the parenting style the parents have decided on or quit. I've had jobs before where I don't agree with how the parents are raising their kids but as a nanny I have to follow their parenting style. |
Anonymous
The PP was responding to that specific post, PP. The first PP was saying that a "crying baby" should be soothed, that "it's not good for their bodies," and continued to call him a "baby." While 17 months IS quite young still, she made it sound like we were talking about a 0-7 month old or something. By 17 months old, he/she should be able to learn to self-soothe. Btw, crying is NOT physically bad for their bodies. If you believe it is, can you elaborate in what specific ways? Physically? I agree with the point that the OP should do what she was hired to do, if it was specifically stated especially to go in and soothe. But OP-you can always (and should!) bring it up with your MB to see how you guys can work together better. Especially if both of you end up going in his room and doing this elaborate routine-talk about really waking him up! If no CiO, can't you go in and rub his back, calm him down and try to leave after a couple min? Instead of rocking him for 45 min?? Good luck OP! That sounds stressful, but I know there was a phase around this age, I believe, (maybe more towards 2 or so) that my DC literally out of nowhere started to scream her head off when we tried to lay her down in her crib, and then bed. She would scream and cry for 30-45 min, then have a restless sleep for about 1 hr, then wake up screaming again. It was awful and we still have no idea what pre-empted it, but it only lasted for about 2-3 weeks (I know, I say 'only' in retrospect ha) then she went back to normal just as suddenly as she started. I DO think it had something to do with becoming aware of "ghosts and monsters" and being scared (she has older siblings too), so you may be right on the night terror thing, even though your DC is a little younger than mine was when this all happened. |
Anonymous
| OP, you're not doing your job.. Your ignoring the toddler. Even if you believe this is right, it's not because your employers, the children's parents, don't want their child to sleep it out. |