WTF! Please MB, let me do my job!

[Anonymous]

PP here - I mean *cry it out!

[Anonymous]

Have you decided what you're going to do, OP? (if anything?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with pp, I'm a nanny and cry it out is not a good idea. It is only natural for a crying baby to be soothed, it's just not good for their bodies. A little whimpering is one thing but if the baby sounds really upset you should definitely sooth him.

This is the opinion of one nanny. I'm an MB who has read many books and studies on both sides of the issue and multiple night wakings due to inconsistently reinforced poor sleep habits are also really bad for little toddler bodies.

The PPs who said that the nanny and the parents need to agree on a strategy for handling night wakings are spot on. You need to take your knowledge of Weissbluth, Ferber, Mindell, Kim West, whoever it is (preferrably multiple options) to the parent and formulate a "back to bed" plan for helping your charge practice good sleep at night. It needs to be something that MB and DB are comfortable with and can stick with as well as you. If they aren't good with classic cry-it-out maybe Ferber (CIO with checks) or West (attended CIO) would work for them. You want to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the importance of sleep for kids - some families prioritize it more than others - and how important soothing is versus independent sleep.

There's no one right way of looking at nighttime caregiving for a child, and it sounds like you and MB haven't talked about what is the right way for this child, this family, and you.

This is the correct answer. Though why the "baby nurse" didn't teach the baby to sleep astounds me. Job security? Insane.

[Anonymous]

I agree with prior posters who say it is up to the parents to determine how they want these night time wakings handled, and it is up to you to follow that directive or leave the job. You need to have a meeting with both parents in which you explain your philosophy and the data behind it and they explain their thinking. Maybe you can convince them to try it your way, maybe not. But their preferences absolutely define your job.

Beyond that, a 24 hour job sounds unworkable if this sleep pattern continues for more than a couple of weeks. If the parents continue to insist that the child be held at each wakeup, you could try explaining how this affects your ability to perform during the day and ask that they get additional help for overnights until the phase passes. The fact that the parents need 24 hour care suggests that they understand the relationship between a good night's sleep and ability to perform at work during the day.

Of course, be prepared for a temporary income adjustment if they agree to supplementing your work with an overnight sitter, because you will essentially be relieved of 1/3 of your working hours.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thank you for the responses. My original post, was done under many nights without sleep....

I was hired as a 24hr nanny because my bosses are hands off and self proclaimed clueless about childcare and that's why they hired me. And also that's why they had a 24/7 baby nurse for a year!!!

They do want what's best for child, but MB gets anxious when child "sounds" unhappy. It makes her uncomfortable to hear him crying. I will have a conversation with her telling her this is a stage. And he needs to learn how to self-sooth. He is old enough. And I was hired to teach him how to be on the right path for success.

I also think I should tell her, that I do wake up and hear him every time he wakes up. I can see him on the monitor, and I know his different cries. I will go in when I feel nessesary.

Hopefully she will understand. If she doesent agree, I will continue to do it her way. But this lack of sleep is killing me.

[Anonymous]

OP, you know what? I'm a first time mom who never babysat or spent any time around a child before having my own. I also am clueless about childcare. But what I told my nanny was that I wanted her to have ideas on how to do things and present them to me, so that DH & I can pick what we think is best for our child. I think that crying it out IS unacceptable, and I would fire a nanny if they were hired to be working at night and refused to go in to a crying toddler claiming "This is the right path for success." There's more than one "right" way to do something.

[Anonymous]

What an insane story. You know what they say about sleep deprived parents. They can go nuts. So can other women, if it gets bad enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you know what? I'm a first time mom who never babysat or spent any time around a child before having my own. I also am clueless about childcare. But what I told my nanny was that I wanted her to have ideas on how to do things and present them to me, so that DH & I can pick what we think is best for our child. I think that crying it out IS unacceptable, and I would fire a nanny if they were hired to be working at night and refused to go in to a crying toddler claiming "This is the right path for success." There's more than one "right" way to do something.

And then you will have an entitled spoiled brat of child who thinks the world revolves around them. Wonderful. I would NEVER work for an MB like you. 24 nannies NEED sleep as well as you. So why don't you get your ass put pf bed and take care of YOUR child. Why even have children if you are going to have a nanny raise the little hellion? Wonderful job MB.

[Anonymous]

Sleep deprivation is horrible both for the child's health and the nannies health. It also compromises safety as a nanny who has been up all night is not going to be as sharp or react as quickly.

Lack of consolidated sleep leads to learning disabilities, behavior problems, cognitive disruptions (attention and concentration difficulties). It isn't doing the child a favor to be awake on and off all night and not have any consolidated sleep. A little crying is not nearly as harmful or as damaging as poor interrupted sleep.

Op your heath is going to suffer in time. Your body can compensate when you are young but you will pay the price in your 30s from this lack of sleep. I would not stay in a job where your bosses don't believe that you need sleep. They are putting the health and well-being of their child and yourself at risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am writing this very sleep deprived, because yet again my 17 month charge kept me up last night. My little guy is going through a stage where he is waking up many times a night. Normally he just cries a few minutes but is able to put himself to sleep. But I think the last couple of weeks, he has been getting his first night terrors. During this episode he screams his head off! He wakes his mom, and normally she comes rushing into his room, turning on the lights, and grabbing him our of bed. She usually calls for me, I sleep next door to child. I am very aware when he wakes up. But I know not to wake baby during a night terror. I am expected to rock baby to sleep so he doesn't cry. But I believe he should cry it out and sooth himself.

I watch him all night on his video monitor, I wake when he wakes. I feel MB thinks I'm ignoring him when I don't rush in his room right away. I am soooooo tired during the day, because I am up all night. I wish MB would let me do my job, and trust me when I say he needs to self sooth. It may be hard to hear him cry, but I can't go and rock him to sleep 2-6 times a night.

I feel like I'm letting him down being out of my mind tired during the day, and not my best. But I don't want MB to think I'm lazy during the nights and ignoring my responsibilities.

Can I tell MB to STOP going into his room, and to let him cry it out?

I'm all for self soothing, but not if night terrors are the issue. There is a reason they are called "terrors".

You are the nanny. She is the mom. Do you see who is in charge here?

[Anonymous]

^^ PP here. If these are run of the mill night wakings, then it's time for a serious discussion with MB. IF they may be night terrors then IMO Mom needs to be the one to be with him. Night terrors are not run of the mill sessions of waking during the night.

I wouldn't have a 24 hr nanny to start with though. You are either a day nanny or a night nanny, you shouldn't be both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am writing this very sleep deprived, because yet again my 17 month charge kept me up last night. My little guy is going through a stage where he is waking up many times a night. Normally he just cries a few minutes but is able to put himself to sleep. But I think the last couple of weeks, he has been getting his first night terrors. During this episode he screams his head off! He wakes his mom, and normally she comes rushing into his room, turning on the lights, and grabbing him our of bed. She usually calls for me, I sleep next door to child. I am very aware when he wakes up. But I know not to wake baby during a night terror. I am expected to rock baby to sleep so he doesn't cry. But I believe he should cry it out and sooth himself.

I watch him all night on his video monitor, I wake when he wakes. I feel MB thinks I'm ignoring him when I don't rush in his room right away. I am soooooo tired during the day, because I am up all night. I wish MB would let me do my job, and trust me when I say he needs to self sooth. It may be hard to hear him cry, but I can't go and rock him to sleep 2-6 times a night.

I feel like I'm letting him down being out of my mind tired during the day, and not my best. But I don't want MB to think I'm lazy during the nights and ignoring my responsibilities.

Can I tell MB to STOP going into his room, and to let him cry it out?

I'm all for self soothing, but not if night terrors are the issue. There is a reason they are called "terrors".

You are the nanny. She is the mom. Do you see who is in charge here?

You aren't supposed to wake a child having night terrors - it is like a bad dream, they are still asleep. It can be hard to hear as the parent, but it is better for the child to let them sleep through it. If they wake up, that is a different story. MB is not helping her child to rush in and wake them up when they start stirring with a night terror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thank you for the responses. My original post, was done under many nights without sleep....

I was hired as a 24hr nanny because my bosses are hands off and self proclaimed clueless about childcare and that's why they hired me. And also that's why they had a 24/7 baby nurse for a year!!!

They do want what's best for child, but MB gets anxious when child "sounds" unhappy. It makes her uncomfortable to hear him crying. I will have a conversation with her telling her this is a stage. And he needs to learn how to self-sooth. He is old enough. And I was hired to teach him how to be on the right path for success.

I also think I should tell her, that I do wake up and hear him every time he wakes up. I can see him on the monitor, and I know his different cries. I will go in when I feel nessesary.

Hopefully she will understand. If she doesent agree, I will continue to do it her way. But this lack of sleep is killing me.

You should talk to her and explain your reasons but do NOT mention your lack of sleep or anything related to your comfort. You say that she wants what's best for the child, so you should explain to her that restful, deep, uninterrupted sleep is absolutely essential for their effective emotional and mental development, and that you should both work together to get the child to the point of having restful, deep, uninterrupted sleep. Now, like all new skills, there may be a period of discomfort while getting there (crying), but once the child gets there, the benefits will be obvious. Couch this in terms of what is best for the child, since no one will question that children need uninterrupted sleep. Ask if you can try your strategy for a week and see if it makes a difference, since you can always go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am writing this very sleep deprived, because yet again my 17 month charge kept me up last night. My little guy is going through a stage where he is waking up many times a night. Normally he just cries a few minutes but is able to put himself to sleep. But I think the last couple of weeks, he has been getting his first night terrors. During this episode he screams his head off! He wakes his mom, and normally she comes rushing into his room, turning on the lights, and grabbing him our of bed. She usually calls for me, I sleep next door to child. I am very aware when he wakes up. But I know not to wake baby during a night terror. I am expected to rock baby to sleep so he doesn't cry. But I believe he should cry it out and sooth himself.

I watch him all night on his video monitor, I wake when he wakes. I feel MB thinks I'm ignoring him when I don't rush in his room right away. I am soooooo tired during the day, because I am up all night. I wish MB would let me do my job, and trust me when I say he needs to self sooth. It may be hard to hear him cry, but I can't go and rock him to sleep 2-6 times a night.

I feel like I'm letting him down being out of my mind tired during the day, and not my best. But I don't want MB to think I'm lazy during the nights and ignoring my responsibilities.

Can I tell MB to STOP going into his room, and to let him cry it out?

I'm all for self soothing, but not if night terrors are the issue. There is a reason they are called "terrors".

You are the nanny. She is the mom. Do you see who is in charge here?

You aren't supposed to wake a child having night terrors - it is like a bad dream, they are still asleep. It can be hard to hear as the parent, but it is better for the child to let them sleep through it. If they wake up, that is a different story. MB is not helping her child to rush in and wake them up when they start stirring with a night terror.

No, don't wake him. But BE there. You leave a child apparently screaming in terror alone? How??

Even if it's a bad dream.. settle him back to sleep and go. You don't have to spend forever cuddling. On the other hand... why can't mom do this on her own? Wouldn't any kid dealing with a nightmare rather have mom?

If the kid is waking up and crying because he can.. fine. Leave him to it. But if mom is asking you to settle a frightened child then suggest mom is the person for the job.

I don't know why anyone would agree to a 24/7 schedule anyway unless you gave birth to the child. That's just crazy.

Bottom line for me - frightened child needs soothing. From someone. A child slightly fussing then I agree yes, leave them to it.

I have to question though whether these are night terrors. Is he screaming or "stirring"? You've used both terms.

If he's merely stirring and NOT frightened, then ask mom to get on the same page with you. IF he's frightened, then I guess part of your job as a 24/7 nanny is to go soothe him.