This is a little awkward.

[Anonymous]

I'm a full-time student and babysit part-time (10 hours a week) for a great single mother and her daughter. She and I get along quite well.

But she's very insistent on the fact that I buy her a birthday present. I don't know how to say it politely but I am kind of up to my eyeballs in expenses. I live alone, pay my own tuition, insurance, rent, bills, everything without outside help. I don't really have an extra money to buy gifts for her and what little is left over from paycheques I use for myself, not my charge. I gave her a card for her birthday but it's been a week since she had her party and every day she reminds me that I "still haven't given her a birthday present." I haven't hinted or suggested at any time that I would be buying her a present. When she says this to me in front of her Mom I kind of look to intervene but she doesn't seem to want to say anything. I wasn't invited to the party (which is fine! I don't expect to be) but the way she keeps asking for a birthday present makes me feel uncomfortable about explaining my financial situation to her.

[Anonymous]

How old is the daughter?

[Anonymous]

How old? As tacky as it sounds... What about a dollar store colouring book and some new crayons? Or some hair clips? Something really small!!! If you WANT to get her something

[Anonymous]

She's 9. I thought about buying her an inexpensive gift however her parents bought her quite nice gifts (laptop and a weekend away). If I was going to buy her something I would it to actually have a bit of substance. As an artist I made her a handmade card, with a portrait of her and the family cat on the front.

It's just the insistence that I buy her a gift that makes me uncomfortable and unwilling to do so. I'm a little conflicted about buying her something just so she is satisfied. Those aren't the kind of values I believe in instilling in children.

[Anonymous]

Don't buy her anything. If you want, you can offer to giver her a couple of art lessons but i am with you for not wanting to reward her rude behavior by asking for something.

[Anonymous]

If she's 9 she's old enough for you to correct her. Say, "Susie, it's very impolite to ask people to buy you presents. I wasn't able to get you anything this year but I hope my card and all the fun we have together tells you how happy I was to celebrate it with you." If you actually didn't do ANYTHING special for her birthday, I'd say, "Susie, it's very impolite to ask people to give you presents, but since I didn't see you on your birthday I think we should go out for a special ice cream sundae outing to celebrate. Where would you like to go?"

[Anonymous]

I'm having the same issue with my 5 year old charge. His birthday is next week and almost everyday now he is mentioning things that I could possibly get him and they are not cheap. My husband and I just bought a house and we have very little to spare. I was also going to just get him stuff from the dollar store but I feel like he will just be disappointed because he keeps mentioning all this expensive stuff like Wii games and even an ipod. I'm considering just making cookies or something for the party but I fear he won't even see that as a gift. Mb's, would you be upset if your nanny didn't get your child a nice b-day gift?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to buy an object pp. take him for ice cream, take him to a special park to ride bikes, take him to see you're friends parrot or farm or whatever. Kids like this stuff and they like 1:1 time without siblings or rules and stuff.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a serious post, right?

[Anonymous]

This girl is old enough to learn manners, and it is too bad her mom just stands by. I love what 02:50 said, except not the part about offering her ice cream. That is still feeding into it.

I am passive aggressive, so if anything, I would buy her a fairytale or folktale with the theme of greed. Maybe the one where the wife gets sausages stuck to her nose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This girl is old enough to learn manners, and it is too bad her mom just stands by. I love what 02:50 said, except not the part about offering her ice cream. That is still feeding into it.

I am passive aggressive, so if anything, I would buy her a fairytale or folktale with the theme of greed. Maybe the one where the wife gets sausages stuck to her nose.

I'm 2:50 and I get what you're saying, but the kid is 9. I think it would have hurt my feelings when I was 9 if my regular sitter hadn't taken me out for a special outing - even just to play on the beach, ride bikes in the park, something, ANYTHING to celebrate. Birthdays are a big deal to kids, and I think if OP didn't celebrate it with her she should make a point to do so. She could, of course, make the offer to celebrate it at a time separate from pointing out how rude it is to ask for people to buy presents, but I think it's harsh not to celebrate it at all.

[Anonymous]

She could also tell the girl that people who aren't invited to the party are not expected to give a gift.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP.. OP wasn't even invited to a party. I know that's not the girls fault but don't feel awkward infront of MB when she didn't even think to invite you as a guest to her child's party.

[Anonymous]

"Larla, I didn't get you a present initially because as a full-time student and can't afford any extras, but now because of your attitude with you being so outrageously impolite so as to not only ASK for a gift but to continue, it makes me feel like even if I could afford to get you one, I wouldn't."

Or just buy the bitch a book on manners for preteens or teens.
Roses are red
Violets are mint
Happy birthday, Larla
Hope you take the hint!

[Anonymous]

I think that you should tell her the truth: like many students who are going to school and working only part- time, you don't have any extra money with which to buy presents. You are so glad that she had a wonderful birthday party and was able to celebrate with her family and friends.