Am I overreacting, or INSANE for staying?

[Anonymous]

DISCLAIMER: This family is a disgrace. There's no other way to put it. The parents are the textbook example of people who should NOT have reproduced. Both work long hours at jobs over an hour away, and require TWO nannies who must feed their kids ALL THREE meals each day. They spend exactly ONE hour (it's probably less than that, if I'm being honest) with their children every day during the week, sending them to bed almost immediately after they get home. As a result, the kids are disrespectful, insubordinate, spoiled, and just plain rude. HOWEVER, I do not blame the kids for the faults of their parents. It is GLARINGLY OBVIOUS that they are desperate for attention, and sadly, one day these kids will not love their parents as unconditionally as they do now. But I digress ...

THE "JOB": The mother made excuses for her kids right off the bat, insisting that they were "really sweet" during the interview. That should tip anyone off. She outlined the responsibilities, saying that each day involved helping with homework, serving dinner, and other light housekeeping duties. This was supposed to be a 4-hour, after school gig ...

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANT: Drive my kids to activities/run errands in a town you don't live in/are not familiar with, on an given day, without warning or notice. Force my kids to read the same books over and over every day. TUTOR (yes, tutor) my older son who struggles with EVERY subject and has anger issues (joy) for 1 hour. Play with them outside, also for 1 hour. Heat up dinner, which consists of organic "adult" recipes that I insist the other nanny prepare, even though they are far from kid-friendly. Bathe my kids and put them in their pajamas. Fold laundry (the parents' as well) and vacuum when I tell you to. And do this all in a 4-hour window, while I pay you the ludicrous amount of $15/hr (tutors make MUCH more).

CURRENTLY: The 4 hours slowly turned into 4 and a half hours, (WITHOUT extra compensation), because I simply cannot finish every task on time, or because they would show up late without even bothering to call. The mother requested that I give her my cell AND home number, so she could "call me in an emergency". Well, of course, the "emergencies" were not really emergencies after all - snow days (EXPECTED in the Northeast!) and sick days. On the few days I politely told them I would not be able to accommodate extra hours and a parent DID stay home, I was STILL required to show up at the normal time and take care of the kids. Lazy parenting at its finest.

And you'll love this ... AFTER work, the mother would send me lengthy texts about how I need to do various tasks better. (Mind you, I received ZERO training). Essentially criticizing how I do my job via text message, usually at some ungodly hour of night. She once informed that I needed to CLOSE THE BLINDS properly!

Add to that the father speaking to me in person, typically telling me to do the complete opposite of what the mother asked for. Clearly, they don't communicate with each other.

Can you believe I agreed to this? The kids RARELY listen to me, constantly throwing temper tantrums, and when I attempt to discipline/punish them, the parents do not reinforce it or even acknowledge their child did something wrong. I eventually stopped telling them what happens each day, because it is so apparent they do not care.

THE FINAL STRAW: I seriously considered leaving when A., the mother began sending me emails to my PERSONAL ACCOUNT to add her children's activities to my PERSONAL CALENDAR, and when B., the older child hit me.

I almost forgot to include the ONE benefit of this position: paid vacation days. Am I overreacting? Should I put up with this? Or get out now? I am a VERY patient and kind person, but I'm having a tough time with this decision. I've only been with them for 5 months.

[Anonymous]

You sound awful, please get a job where you work with robots and not humans.

[Anonymous]

DISCLAIMER: This family is a disgrace. There's no other way to put it. The parents are the textbook example of people who should NOT have reproduced. Both work long hours at jobs over an hour away, and require TWO nannies who must feed their kids ALL THREE meals each day. They spend exactly ONE hour (it's probably less than that, if I'm being honest) with their children every day during the week, sending them to bed almost immediately after they get home. As a result, the kids are disrespectful, insubordinate, spoiled, and just plain rude. HOWEVER, I do not blame the kids for the faults of their parents. It is GLARINGLY OBVIOUS that they are desperate for attention, and sadly, one day these kids will not love their parents as unconditionally as they do now. But I digress ...

That's all I needed to read to answer your question (yes, you should quit), but since I'm up late with a bad cold I'll indulge you.

THE "JOB": The mother made excuses for her kids right off the bat, insisting that they were "really sweet" during the interview. That should tip anyone off. She outlined the responsibilities, saying that each day involved helping with homework, serving dinner, and other light housekeeping duties. This was supposed to be a 4-hour, after school gig ...

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANT: Drive my kids to activities/run errands in a town you don't live in/are not familiar with, on an given day, without warning or notice. Force my kids to read the same books over and over every day. TUTOR (yes, tutor) my older son who struggles with EVERY subject and has anger issues (joy) for 1 hour. Play with them outside, also for 1 hour. Heat up dinner, which consists of organic "adult" recipes that I insist the other nanny prepare, even though they are far from kid-friendly. Bathe my kids and put them in their pajamas. Fold laundry (the parents' as well) and vacuum when I tell you to. And do this all in a 4-hour window, while I pay you the ludicrous amount of $15/hr (tutors make MUCH more).

Driving sounds fine to me. I'd ask for mileage to be reimbursed. I'd invest in a GPS unit if I were unfamiliar with the area and would assume that going to work might mean driving, regardless of whether or not I knew ahead of time.

Tutoring vs. helping with homework... it's kind of the same at a certain age. Unless he's in HS, it sounds like she was upfront about this being part of your job.

She should have disclosed his anger management issues if he has them.

Playing outside for an hour sounds normal and healthy.

Heating up dinner sounds easier than cooking it. Organic "adult" recipes sound absolutely fine to me... better than feeding them junk or mac&cheese every night.

Baths are part of many nanny jobs.

If you don't have time to fold laundry or vacuum, don't do it/say so.

CURRENTLY: The 4 hours slowly turned into 4 and a half hours, (WITHOUT extra compensation), because I simply cannot finish every task on time, or because they would show up late without even bothering to call. The mother requested that I give her my cell AND home number, so she could "call me in an emergency". Well, of course, the "emergencies" were not really emergencies after all - snow days (EXPECTED in the Northeast!) and sick days. On the few days I politely told them I would not be able to accommodate extra hours and a parent DID stay home, I was STILL required to show up at the normal time and take care of the kids. Lazy parenting at its finest.

Don't stay late if you aren't being compensated. Say, "I'm sorry, we were so busy with homework today I didn't have time to get to the laundry" and then leave.

If they come late, ask them for your late fee on the spot.

My MB and DB have all my phone numbers and email addresses...

Snow days and sick days are childcare "emergencies," expected or not. It's absolutely fair for them to call and see if you were available to help.

It's also completely reasonable to expect you to show up at your scheduled time, regardless of who has stayed home with the kids during the rest of the day. Only exception would be an active blizzard or hurricane or other insurmountable weather event, in which case it is your responsibility to call out.

And you'll love this ... AFTER work, the mother would send me lengthy texts about how I need to do various tasks better. (Mind you, I received ZERO training). Essentially criticizing how I do my job via text message, usually at some ungodly hour of night. She once informed that I needed to CLOSE THE BLINDS properly!

Say, "Thank you for letting me know how you'd like it done" and then do it her way. Easy.

Add to that the father speaking to me in person, typically telling me to do the complete opposite of what the mother asked for. Clearly, they don't communicate with each other.

Say, "Oh, MB asked me to do it like this. Would you be able to clarify with her, I really want to be sure I'm meeting everyone's expectations." Alternative: email them both and say "MB indicated I should do this, while I heard conflicting information from DB. Could you please clarify for me?"

Can you believe I agreed to this? The kids RARELY listen to me, constantly throwing temper tantrums, and when I attempt to discipline/punish them, the parents do not reinforce it or even acknowledge their child did something wrong. I eventually stopped telling them what happens each day, because it is so apparent they do not care.

It's your job to manage the behavior. Many parents don't want to know what happened during the day, save for major events. You should have the authority to create and enforce discipline strategies while you're there.

THE FINAL STRAW: I seriously considered leaving when A., the mother began sending me emails to my PERSONAL ACCOUNT to add her children's activities to my PERSONAL CALENDAR, and when B., the older child hit me.

I have children's activities on my personal calendar... either because I am driving them to/from, attending, or so I can remember to ask them about it the following day.

How old is the older child who hit you? That really matters...

I almost forgot to include the ONE benefit of this position: paid vacation days. Am I overreacting? Should I put up with this? Or get out now? I am a VERY patient and kind person, but I'm having a tough time with this decision. I've only been with them for 5 months.

You should quit so they have a chance to hire someone nicer/more professional for their family.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with 1:48. OP, you sound like a clueless 19 year old who has no business being a nanny. Your experience with this family sounds pretty typical of what it means to work afternoons for a family with school-aged kids and two professional careers. The oldest child may be acting up around you because he can sense that you are struggling to maintain control and don't want to be there with him. You should absolutely quit and go get a job doing data entry or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DISCLAIMER: This family is a disgrace. There's no other way to put it. The parents are the textbook example of people who should NOT have reproduced. Both work long hours at jobs over an hour away, and require TWO nannies who must feed their kids ALL THREE meals each day. They spend exactly ONE hour (it's probably less than that, if I'm being honest) with their children every day during the week, sending them to bed almost immediately after they get home. As a result, the kids are disrespectful, insubordinate, spoiled, and just plain rude. HOWEVER, I do not blame the kids for the faults of their parents. It is GLARINGLY OBVIOUS that they are desperate for attention, and sadly, one day these kids will not love their parents as unconditionally as they do now. But I digress ...

THE "JOB": The mother made excuses for her kids right off the bat, insisting that they were "really sweet" during the interview. That should tip anyone off. She outlined the responsibilities, saying that each day involved helping with homework, serving dinner, and other light housekeeping duties. This was supposed to be a 4-hour, after school gig ...

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANT: Drive my kids to activities/run errands in a town you don't live in/are not familiar with, on an given day, without warning or notice. Force my kids to read the same books over and over every day. TUTOR (yes, tutor) my older son who struggles with EVERY subject and has anger issues (joy) for 1 hour. Play with them outside, also for 1 hour. Heat up dinner, which consists of organic "adult" recipes that I insist the other nanny prepare, even though they are far from kid-friendly. Bathe my kids and put them in their pajamas. Fold laundry (the parents' as well) and vacuum when I tell you to. And do this all in a 4-hour window, while I pay you the ludicrous amount of $15/hr (tutors make MUCH more).

CURRENTLY: The 4 hours slowly turned into 4 and a half hours, (WITHOUT extra compensation), because I simply cannot finish every task on time, or because they would show up late without even bothering to call. The mother requested that I give her my cell AND home number, so she could "call me in an emergency". Well, of course, the "emergencies" were not really emergencies after all - snow days (EXPECTED in the Northeast!) and sick days. On the few days I politely told them I would not be able to accommodate extra hours and a parent DID stay home, I was STILL required to show up at the normal time and take care of the kids. Lazy parenting at its finest.

And you'll love this ... AFTER work, the mother would send me lengthy texts about how I need to do various tasks better. (Mind you, I received ZERO training). Essentially criticizing how I do my job via text message, usually at some ungodly hour of night. She once informed that I needed to CLOSE THE BLINDS properly!

Add to that the father speaking to me in person, typically telling me to do the complete opposite of what the mother asked for. Clearly, they don't communicate with each other.

Can you believe I agreed to this? The kids RARELY listen to me, constantly throwing temper tantrums, and when I attempt to discipline/punish them, the parents do not reinforce it or even acknowledge their child did something wrong. I eventually stopped telling them what happens each day, because it is so apparent they do not care.

THE FINAL STRAW: I seriously considered leaving when A., the mother began sending me emails to my PERSONAL ACCOUNT to add her children's activities to my PERSONAL CALENDAR, and when B., the older child hit me.

I almost forgot to include the ONE benefit of this position: paid vacation days. Am I overreacting? Should I put up with this? Or get out now? I am a VERY patient and kind person, but I'm having a tough time with this decision. I've only been with them for 5 months.

Quit.

[Anonymous]

Yes, get another job, ASAP. Get records of your hours worked. You can easily sue them.

[Anonymous]

You just want a pat on the back for being weak and not standing up for yourself! Why are you bitching here if you don't even try in the first place, to get some respect?....! I won't sympathize nor suggest you quit, because you won't!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely agree with 1:48. OP, you sound like a clueless 19 year old who has no business being a nanny. Your experience with this family sounds pretty typical of what it means to work afternoons for a family with school-aged kids and two professional careers. The oldest child may be acting up around you because he can sense that you are struggling to maintain control and don't want to be there with him. You should absolutely quit and go get a job doing data entry or something.

Omg here we go again. Just because YOU are willing to be walked all over by a family does not mean that others are. There is NO excuse for a family to not pay for extra hours, etc. Please STFU and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I completely agree with 1:48. OP, you sound like a clueless 19 year old who has no business being a nanny. Your experience with this family sounds pretty typical of what it means to work afternoons for a family with school-aged kids and two professional careers. The oldest child may be acting up around you because he can sense that you are struggling to maintain control and don't want to be there with him. You should absolutely quit and go get a job doing data entry or something.

Omg here we go again. Just because YOU are willing to be walked all over by a family does not mean that others are. There is NO excuse for a family to not pay for extra hours, etc. Please STFU and move on.

Look, there is only one point in her entire complaint that absolutely constitutes an issue (not being paid for her total hours worked) and only two others that MIGHT be a problem (an older child with an anger problem, if it is legitimate and was undisclosed, and being hit by the child - assuming the kid is old enough for that to be a problem. I've been hit by a lot of kids and they just go straight to time out). Nothing else about this job/post is problematic or unusual in any way, and the way OP talks about them is disgusting. If you are tempted to call your professional employers a disgrace, it's time to stop working for them.

[Anonymous]

OP should ask to be paid for extra hours, but all of the other complaints are ridiculous. Helping with homework? Heating up organic food? Taking kids to activities? Doing light housekeeping that you agreed to prior to accepting the job? Responding to feedback? Really, OP?

Your post basically outlines that you are overwhelmed. Either improve your attitude and learn to do your job, or quit.

[Anonymous]

You are an idiot child, OP, and you want us to validate you?

Not in this world.

[Anonymous]

All these people are nuts. I wouldn't be happy and I don't blame you for not being happy either! But this board seems full of drones who like being slaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these people are nuts. I wouldn't be happy and I don't blame you for not being happy either! But this board seems full of drones who like being slaves.

Oh dear, I thought you'd moved on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people are nuts. I wouldn't be happy and I don't blame you for not being happy either! But this board seems full of drones who like being slaves.

Oh dear, I thought you'd moved on...

I've never posted about being treated like a slave before so no I'm not who you're thinking of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these people are nuts. I wouldn't be happy and I don't blame you for not being happy either! But this board seems full of drones who like being slaves.

Oh dear, I thought you'd moved on...

I've never posted about being treated like a slave before so no I'm not who you're thinking of.

Ah, okay. Sorry for the confusion!

Could you explain what about this post makes you feel that it's akin to being a slave? Aside from not being paid for all her hours, which everyone agrees should be happening, what other problems do you see in this position?