How do I bring this up?
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Anonymous
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How can I tell a mom that she needs to stop being so passive agressive to me personally?
Backstory: I've been nannying part-time for a family for about 6 months now. It's for a single mom with three kids. I've been nannying professionally for about 15 years now and I've never had to work with with kids this unhappy, undisciplined, and angry. Every day I really put my heart and soul into connecting with them and teaching them right from wrong, and teaching them how to appropriately express their feelings. I have formed really good connections with these kids and we get along great and I really do feel that me being a stable presence in their life is improving their behavior problems and they are happier. There's nothing like a big grin on an 8 year olds face 
I have another job too (marketing manager, 35 hours/week) with a large company and I make a good income from this. I actually don't financially need the nannying job but I took it because I really do love kids and developing fostering relationships with them. I WANT to be there. The problem though is with the mother. She is very short, cold and passive agressive. When she comes home I don't get so much as a look or hello. She picks up the kids and carries them to the other room and I let myself out without so much as a goodbye. If we do have a conversation, it's not really a conversation, and a string of passive agressive comments instead. Around 8pm every night the text messages start to roll in. "XXX did not eat as much dinner as he normally does, what did you do??" All of the texts are absolutely ridiculous and unwarranted. There was a three week period where I received daily updates on their stools because the mom thought that I was sneaking in unapproved food and giving them diarrhea (I would never stray form the approved food list!). They sound exceptionally ridiculous as I write them out here. Her kids are a lot of hard work. There are not 3 seconds of downtime while I am nannying (and this is ok because it's what I signed up for!). However I have not once gotten a "thank you" or positive comment from the mother. I can't even get eye contact. Most importantly, all of her negativeness sort of negates all of the hard work that I put in everyday all day. If I were a random babysitter, this wouldn't bother me. But I am their nanny. I am the person that spends the most time with them on a consistent basis during the week besides their teacher so I really make sure that they are on the right path. So how can I bring up to the mom in person that she needs to be nicer, at least neutral, or I will have to find another position. I've never had to deal with a issue with the parents before! It's always been a behavior problem with the child, but never the adult.... |
Anonymous
| You don't bring it up. You quit. She is a bitch and that will never change. I know you love the kids so you're either going to have to put up with it or leave and find another family (or don't since you don't need to nanny) who will love and respect you. |
Anonymous
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By need, I meant financially.
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Anonymous
I agree. If you don't rely on this income I see no reason to stay. She treats you poorly, don't put up with it. I do feel really sorry for the kids, but you can't really do anything about how she acts. |
Anonymous
| Let her know that you're quitting because she constantly goes on the offensive instead of seeing you as what you are - someone who takes her job seriously and does it well. You don't need this shit. |
Anonymous
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I would tell her that you are constantly feeling as though she is not happy with your performance and beginning to question as to whether or not you are a good fit for her family. If she plays dumb I would bring up examples from the past. If she agrees that you aren't a good fit for her family (it sounds like no one would be) then give your two weeks notice.
You have plenty of experience and because this is not your primary form of income you will have the luxury of taking your time finding the best new position. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| OP here: Thanks for all of your replies. I agree with each and every one of you. I think it's given me the courage to move on and find a new position that will suit me long-term. I just feel bad for the kids! |
Anonymous
I think that is the best decision you could make. |
Anonymous
| Wow, if I didn't know better I would think you were talking about the same exact nanny position that I left last year. I can't get over it! The mother sounds exactly the same and I also had to deal with the grandmother who was even worse, because she was there more often, and was a lot more verbal, and neurotic. Leave hat position, you will feel so much better. |
Anonymous
| I am with a family very similar to that now. The mom very similar. Take it from me, leave early. Don't try to make it work or figure out how to ignore her. You won't be able to, because everyone needs appreciation, recognition, decent treatment from their bosses. I thought I could work with it, and now, years later, I am angry and jaded, more wrinkles, more stress, etc....it has affected my whole life. I waited to try to make it work and thus any little improvement would make me stay longer. Then there were times when circumstances were such that I couldn't change jobs at the time, so I stayed then too. Now I wish I had seen it for what it was in the beginning and taken care of myself by leaving. |
Anonymous
| Sounds just like the dad I work for. He speaks to the kids in another language, too, so I don't even know what they're saying if he's around. |
Anonymous
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Um.
You already have a good job that's nearly full time, and you're CHOOSING to work with a miserable bitch? Leave without notice and find a new PT job. |