Pregnant Nanny Questions

[Anonymous]

Our nanny is expecting her first child in a few months and we are preparing for her to go out on leave shortly. We think she is great and care about her and want to try and work with her to the extent possible. She has told us that she would like to return to work within the month and I suspect it it because she needs the money.

DH and I are very nervous about her returning to work so soon. We are sympathetic to her needing the paycheck but we remember the first few months with our DC were definitely tough and full of constant doctors appointments (reflux plus trouble gaining weight plus healing complications from delivery for me) and sleepless nights and although we recognize that every child/delivery is different, we think it's unrealistic to think that she'll be able to work 50 hours a week (plus her commute) that soon. We both have demanding jobs with tough schedules (we need our nanny here 50 hours a week) and limited flexibility so we're concerned about accommodating a lot of requests for days off or late arrival. We are in the process of making child care arrangements for her leave now and an additional consideration is that it would be easier to look for back up care now for a set time period of a couple of months rather than make arrangements for a couple of weeks and then have her want to extend her leave or come back and quit/go out again/take a ton of days off/etc. and have to scramble for care then.

Any parents who have BTDT with advice on ways to make this work (or a reality check)? Any other issues to consider? We have had a few conversations with her already but are planning to sit down with her soon to make a formal plan so it would be helpful to know what other parents' experiences with this have been.

Also, FWIW, we have already considered and ruled out the possibility of our nanny bringing her baby to work with her. That is not the right option for our family. In addition, we are letting her take two weeks of vacation/sick time as her maternity leave and since we will be paying for other child care on top of that, we have no additional financial flexibility.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just imagine that the attack dog on this forum will order you to fire her and cut your losses. But it seems that you want to keep her if possible. What is your best case scenario? It's impossible to be certain what might transpire. Is this her first child?

[Anonymous]

Best case scenario is that she take several months of leave and then come back when she is really ready to be back at work and the baby is really ready to be left with someone else (she has family who will watch the baby, I think). Unfortunately, we cannot afford to pay her for that leave and I suspect she cannot afford to take it unpaid. Not really sure what the alternatives are between her needs and ours but really wanted to hear from other parents as to what they have done and what their experiences have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just imagine that the attack dog on this forum will order you to fire her and cut your losses. But it seems that you want to keep her if possible. What is your best case scenario? It's impossible to be certain what might transpire. Is this her first child?

You again! It's me - your favorite person to insult. Once again, you are demonstrating an entire lack of knowledge of me.

OP, it all depends on how much you value your nanny. My nanny has had two babies while working for us. We were able to fill in both times. The first one, we paid her 50% of her salary as maternity leave, and she was gone for 6 weeks. I'm sure people thought we were nuts. Heck, our nanny herself told us that she fully expected to lose her job. However, we really wanted her to be able to recuperate and to come back. I think most nannies would be happy just to have the job kept open, but unless she has been saving up for this, it can be a struggle. Obviously, we were also in a financial position to offer help, and I realize that not everyone is.

For our nanny's second, she only took 2 weeks - her choice - and we paid her full salary. I opened up the possibility of her bringing her own baby, but was honestly relieved when she declined (my homeowner's insurance informed me that it would be a problem for them). Our nanny is also lucky because she and her husband can split the childcare duties 50/50. He works an opposite shift, which keeps the kids from daycare. How was she when she came back? Sleep deprived but functioning. I did encourage her to nap or whatever she needed to do to rest, and we kept all her duties as light as possible for her first month back. Since you guys have considered this so carefully, I recommend that you be honest with your nanny. I think it would be incredibly difficult for her to find daycare for a 2 week old, and you should see what care she has lined up. You might want to think about whether she could bring the baby until s/he is 6 weeks old? I know, that could be a bad precedent. Just thought I'd throw it out there.

Good for you for wanting to keep your nanny. Hope it works out, but you need to be ready in case it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

13:59, We knew it; there is hope for you. Your tone has dramatically changed for the better. Kudos to you. There's a huge difference in barking out commands vs. sharing experiences and opinions. And in the end it's good to acknowledge that every family is different, and may have different priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:59, We knew it; there is hope for you. Your tone has dramatically changed for the better. Kudos to you. There's a huge difference in barking out commands vs. sharing experiences and opinions. And in the end it's good to acknowledge that every family is different, and may have different priorities.

Who's we?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses. 13:59 - how did your nanny handle pumping when she came back to work? One additional concern I have is how ours will chase after DC if she needs to pump several times a day.

[Anonymous]

...the same way a mum does, with two or more, children.

[Anonymous]

It's a freak of nature, to leave behind your own baby, in order to care for the child of a rich white woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a freak of nature, to leave behind your own baby, in order to care for the child of a rich white woman.

you really are an idiot. why are you assuming that MB must be a white woman? my AA working women with kids have nannies too. no, they do not carry their kids on their backs while working. and all of us working women, including nannies, who are working professionals, leave our children behind to go to work, so we can earn money and support our families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses. 13:59 - how did your nanny handle pumping when she came back to work? One additional concern I have is how ours will chase after DC if she needs to pump several times a day.

She did not breastfeed, even though she and I discussed who beneficial it is. She chose formula because she was frankly grossed out by the idea of breastfeeding (even though she had no problem feeding my kids with my pumped milk). It was one reason why I brought up bringing the baby with her - so she could BF instead.

[Anonymous]

21:29, you get your panties twisted in a wad when anyone calls you a name. Ironic how fast you are to resort to name-calling others. Why don't you simply ask OP what color she is, since you care so much. If she's anything other than white, so be it. It just so happens that not too many white women abandon their babies to care for children of color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:59, We knew it; there is hope for you. Your tone has dramatically changed for the better. Kudos to you. There's a huge difference in barking out commands vs. sharing experiences and opinions. And in the end it's good to acknowledge that every family is different, and may have different priorities.

Oh, golly, you again. Sorry for the thread jack, OP. This is the person who has been cyber stalking me calling me a FFN.

Once again, you are wrong. (Why am I not surprised.) I have been posting on DCUM for years. I have consistently posted in support of respectful treatment by both nannies and families. I have consistently encouraged others to treat their nannies as well as they can.

But I have also consistently maintained that there are far too many nannies who whine about their pay and working conditions without any thought to people who are so much worse off than they. I have consistently told them that salaries are set by the market, and not by their personal whims and desires. I have consistently pointed out that, if your expenses are too high for your salary, you can either find ways to reduce your expenses or increase your salary - but that you are unlikely to accomplish the latter as a nanny. And yes, I have consistently railed against those nannies who seem to think that they are entitled to more because (a) their boss drives a fancy car or goes on nice vacations or (b) they have to live with roommates as adults.

When I first started out, I contemplated taking a job as a FT nanny for a senior co-worker because the pay was several thousand more annually. I did not because there is no real career advancement for nannies. Is that fair? Yes, given that people choosing that career are aware of that going in. So I will continue to tell nannies with decent families that they should stop whining and do an excellent job. Best chance they have of changing their own circumstances. Are there nannies with bad families? Sure, but there are just as many if not more good families with bad nannies. So everyone needs to stop keeping count of who has what and focus on what you can do to improve your own circumstances.

And I have NEVER barked out commands on DCUM. I have expressed my opinions forcefully. That's all.

[Anonymous]

You've never said that a nanny who earns 25-30/hr, is overpaid, or some such idea?

[Anonymous]

As has already been said countless times, each person is entitled to his/her opinions, and that's it. Whatever you mean by your "forceful" expression of your own opinions, is most concerning. It seems to me that you allow no one to disagree with your own "forceful" opinions. It is my understanding that we are all invited to discuss and debate, and no one has a right to force out differing opinions.