Revolving nanny-door
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Anonymous
| Does anyone think it's ok for young children? |
Anonymous
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It's not ideal, but the main thing is to find the best possible nanny for your children. If that means you have to try a couple of different nannies before you find the right one, I think that's ok. Some kids will adjust better than others - we went through a bit of this and when I explained to our 5 yr-old daughter that we wanted the best possible nanny for her and her little brother, she seemed to understand (I used concrete examples - plays with you at the park, does arts and crafts with you, etc.).
Our current nanny might not stay for as long as we would like (she may only do one, we'd prefer two, though now that she's been with us for a while and it is going great hopefully she might decide to stay) - but an awesome nanny for one year is better than a mediocre nanny for two years, IMO. |
Anonymous
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I disagree that "the main thing is to find the best possible nanny for your children". You need a nanny who meets your basic criteria (drives, legal, punctual - whatever it is), that you believe cares for the kids & can keep them safe, and then that generally works w/ you to help further their growth by doing stimulating things for them. If she does those while keeping your trust, then the next most important is stability. Personally that was a big part of the reason we went the nanny route vs. daycare - I had the idea of the churn of the teachers in daycares and liked that my kids would grow attached to the person spending 40+ hrs a week with them.
I am sure there are other "more perfect" nannies out there than the one we have had for almost 5 years. However, she meets my fundamentals and my kids adore her. It is not at all worth it to try to keep looking for "the best nanny" at the expense of relationships your kids build if a nanny is otherwise pretty good. Disagree that an awesome nanny for 1 year is better than a pretty good one for 2 years. I just value a lot more my kids having a stable caregiver and not having to go through getting bonded to a new nanny. If your kids are older (school age) then this is not as big a deal as if they are younger in my view. |
Anonymous
| What about the issue of bonding? |
Anonymous
| There is a fine line and the answer is somewhere in the middle. You cannot keep a nanny that is not a good fit for you and expect to bond over time. Over time the lack of fit will show up so you are better off finding someone good. Now a revolving door of 5+ nannies over 2 or 3 years, probably not a good idea. |
Anonymous
| I've lost a couple of nannies when they've moved and got a non-nanny job. I've also had a couple of nannies (maybe more "babysitters") who were temporary and I knew would only be with us for 3-5 months. Because of this it's been what the PP said of 5 in 2-3 years. Not ideal but you know what my son is super flexible and bonds very easily with people. My daugher is only one and why she will prefer me when I'm there she does not have issues with crying when we leave and has adjusted very quickly to new people. Also, my son hardly remembers the nanny he had at age 2. Young kids live very in the moment. The adjustment to a new person seems the same whether it's happened once or three times. At least that has been my experience. I would love to find someone who could stay with us for a couple of years but I have a hard time finding a nanny who drives, has nanny experience, and isn't looking for like $900 a week for 2 kids (I can do about $14 an hour, maybe $16 but that's maxed out). |
Anonymous
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I think it depends on the children and their personalities as well as exactly how frequently the nannies leave.
My last charge was 20mths when I started. I was her 5th nanny and she had also spent a month in day care when she was 5mths. She was very insecure and needy. I think she had always been quite 'highly strung' from newborn and would of been a child that benefitted from a long term nanny. Instead she had constant childcare changes. Mb didn't seem to think longevity was important and just chose the nanny based on if she liked her. Obviously there is no point choosing a nanny that's nota good fit just because she says she can stay long term. But surely a compromise would be good-a good fit as well as someone who is likely to stay long termish. The 20mth old had her first nanny at 2.5mths. She lasted 2wks(mb chose that nanny for silly reasons and it didn't work)They then had a temp nanny for 7wks.She was 5mths then so they tried day care. They weren't happy with it so pulled her out after a month. They then had a nanny for 6mths.That nanny left because the family were moving. They then had a nanny for 8mths.The nanny left to move in with her bf. I was there for 13mths(left because parents decided they wanted an Italian speaker) they then got a nanny who stayed for 4mths and then a temp nanny for 6wks before finding a perm nanny. By which point the oldest was 3 and had had 8 nannies and the baby was 12mths(she was born while I was there and she was 7mths when I left) and had had 4 |
Anonymous
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It's fine. Children adjust all the time to changing situations.
Unhappy nannies should feel free to leave. They're doing the family a favor. Likewise, unhappy families should feel fine about letting a nanny go. Everyone will adjust. |
Anonymous
| I worked for a family where I was one of a long line of nannies they had. Unfortunately, it was really hard on the oldest child and he chose to act out and be mean to any nanny who would come to take care of him. And because the parents didn't do anything to try and change the behavior of the four year old, it set up a really bad cycle. Four year old would be a tyrant to nanny, parents would not support the nanny or try to change the child's behavior, nanny would leave. They even had one nanny sneak out in the middle of the night and she never came back. So yes, I think a revolving cycle of nannies and other childcare providers can have a negative impact on the child. |
Anonymous
| I agree with 17:46. The more that the primary caregiver switches, the more difficult the readjustment period for the next one. What are we doing to our children?? |
Anonymous
| insanity to believe that frequent caregiver changes are anything other than harmful to kids - especially when they become excessive. |
Anonymous
| What are the long term effects of repeated severed relationships? |
Anonymous
Nothing |
Anonymous
Amazing. I wonder how many husbands she's had so far. |
Anonymous
Agreed. If you have a revolving door it nannies the problem is YOU. |