Should this issue be addressed?

[Anonymous]

First off, I love my nanny, as do my children. We've had minimum issues with her, she's great. She is also very private, she's been with us for almost two years and I still dont know much about her, besides criminal background (clear), education, and recommendations (all good). My coworker whom has met my nanny has caught her engaging in questionable behavior. Do I have a right to question her since it wasnt in my house or during working hours?

[Anonymous]

I think we need more info. Is it something that would concern you're trust in her or her ability to care for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we need more info. Is it something that would concern you're trust in her or her ability to care for your kids?

I'm not sure, that's why I want to discuss it with her to. Lear it up, but don't want her to think I'm stalking her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we need more info. Is it something that would concern you're trust in her or her ability to care for your kids?

I'm not sure, that's why I want to discuss it with her to. Lear it up, but don't want her to think I'm stalking her

*clear

[Anonymous]

If it is illegal or if true could compromise her ability to care for your children and of course if it is just bothering you so much you just can't let it go, then yes, you should bring it up. But obviously you need to be super diplomatic and if she has not done anything questionable be prepared for her to be offended or hurt.

More specifically, if it is something like going out to a bar and getting drunk I'm not sure I would consider that a fireable issue as her personal life if her own business, but if it goes against your beliefs or morality, or if you are concerned that she is developing a bad reputation and is setting a bad example for your kids, maybe it would be for you. If it is something illegal like drug use, shoplifting, etc., then you definitely need to know for sure and be able to decide what you want to do with that info - i.e. give her a second chance, see if she needs councilling/help, or fire her.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this upsets me as a nanny. To feel like, on my off time, I have to constantly be on guard to not anything that anyone might consider "questionable" in case a friend of MB/DB sees me?

What is questionable behavior anyway?
Is it crossing the street when the hand is red?
Drinking a little too much at a bar on the weekend?

I mean....wow. Your nanny is a human, not a robot.

On the other hand, if it's something like the PP said -- shoplifting, drug use, etc. then the story is completely different.

[Anonymous]

My guess she was drinking or smoking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is illegal or if true could compromise her ability to care for your children and of course if it is just bothering you so much you just can't let it go, then yes, you should bring it up. But obviously you need to be super diplomatic and if she has not done anything questionable be prepared for her to be offended or hurt.

More specifically, if it is something like going out to a bar and getting drunk I'm not sure I would consider that a fireable issue as her personal life if her own business, but if it goes against your beliefs or morality, or if you are concerned that she is developing a bad reputation and is setting a bad example for your kids, maybe it would be for you. If it is something illegal like drug use, shoplifting, etc., then you definitely need to know for sure and be able to decide what you want to do with that info - i.e. give her a second chance, see if she needs councilling/help, or fire her.

No, nothing illegal. If that was the case we'd be looking for a new nanny pronto. My friend saw her come in Chilis with a few girlfriends, get drunk, and leave with a strange guy. I worry for my kids, but also for her, this is dangerous behavior. I doubt she'd ever bring a male to my house, but knowing how uncaring she is about her Alchohol consumption in public and going home with strange men. It does worry me how it impacts my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is illegal or if true could compromise her ability to care for your children and of course if it is just bothering you so much you just can't let it go, then yes, you should bring it up. But obviously you need to be super diplomatic and if she has not done anything questionable be prepared for her to be offended or hurt.

More specifically, if it is something like going out to a bar and getting drunk I'm not sure I would consider that a fireable issue as her personal life if her own business, but if it goes against your beliefs or morality, or if you are concerned that she is developing a bad reputation and is setting a bad example for your kids, maybe it would be for you. If it is something illegal like drug use, shoplifting, etc., then you definitely need to know for sure and be able to decide what you want to do with that info - i.e. give her a second chance, see if she needs councilling/help, or fire her.

No, nothing illegal. If that was the case we'd be looking for a new nanny pronto. My friend saw her come in Chilis with a few girlfriends, get drunk, and leave with a strange guy. I worry for my kids, but also for her, this is dangerous behavior. I doubt she'd ever bring a male to my house, but knowing how uncaring she is about her Alchohol consumption in public and going home with strange men. It does worry me how it impacts my children.

how does that impact YOU or YOUR children? if she gets drunk and has sex with 40 strangers why do you care?.....

if she takes your kids to a public place with her and gets drunk and goes back to your house with a strange guy and your kids then yes that is your problem. She is living her life. Let her live. Your friend is a busybody who also needs to mind her business as well. She is a legal adult, no? Okay, I'm sure you are living your life and maybe it is different from hers but anything she does with her life/body/reputation is her own doing and does not impact your family. Yes sex with strangers is not the safest behavior, but it shouldn't matter to you unless you are having sex with her and you dont want to catch anything.

[Anonymous]

I fail to see how this impacts your family.
She is an adult and she is doing these things on her own time. Don't police her private life.
You have a good nanny, who your children love. Don't jeopardize that relationship.
Work is work. Private life is private life.
If my MB questioned me about something that I did on my own time, I would feel as though I could never relax.
I would absolutely begin looking for a new job.
Don't go there.

[Anonymous]

Way over reacting. This was on her own time and has nothing to do with how she cares for your children. Especially given that she was at a Chilli's (not some seedy bar) which also will be fairly strict on cutting you off if they think you've had too much to drink.

Also, how do you know this was a "strange" man? Just because he's unknown to you and your friend doesn't mean he's a stranger to the nanny.

[Anonymous]

LOL OP I advise you to NOT address this "issue" with your nanny. I think you will be looking for a new nanny if you DO address it with her.

[Anonymous]

How in the world do you know it was a "strange man"?? This post makes my head hurt. Let's rewind back a few years to when you were single in (I assume) your 20's, k? You never, EVER got drunk? Even once?

[Anonymous]

"No, nothing illegal. If that was the case we'd be looking for a new nanny pronto. My friend saw her come in Chilis with a few girlfriends, get drunk, and leave with a strange guy. I worry for my kids, but also for her, this is dangerous behavior. I doubt she'd ever bring a male to my house, but knowing how uncaring she is about her Alchohol consumption in public and going home with strange men. It does worry me how it impacts my children."

How did your coworker know the guy she left with was a "strange guy"? I'm not sure I'd take a coworker's gossip as truth, if I were you.

But, more importantly, what your nanny does on her own time is absolutely none of your business. How would you feel if your boss approached you and said some coworker saw you drinking after hours with your friends and thinks you showed poor judgment with regards to who you were talking to or left with? Unless your nanny is bringing men into your home during working hours or is late/unable to do her job because she is drunk or hungover...it's none of your business what she does off the clock.

Yes, I'm an MB.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 24 y/o nanny and if I knew that my MB was considering talking to me about stuff I was doing on weekends, I'd quit. I go out on Friday nights with friends, drink and omg *gasp*, have brought home a guy....however, it's none of their business. It's called being in your 20's. For you to even WANT to question her, really makes me wonder how you were in your 20's. Did you never go out and get drunk? Seriously OP...MYOB.