Live-in dynamic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a live-in who works five days on and two days off each week. We have a completely separate apartment on our property where she stays. When we hired her she told us she’d be staying with her boyfriend on her days off. In July we were away for a week and she didn’t want to take PTO so we had her watch our dog. She had her boyfriend come to stay with her for the week and the two of them stayed in our house rather than in her apartment. He also comes to see her a lot more often than we expected and he stays over. Now that he’s familiar with our house he seems to be more comfortable coming in to speak to us or making small talk when we drive up to the house.

The guy is 32 years old, unemployed, lives with his mother and doesn’t have a car. I know it’s a live in position and we told her she could invite friends occasionally to stay with her. I think he’s hanging around more because he doesn’t have anything else to do. Can we set boundaries and say we’ve changed our minds and prefer she sees him elsewhere on her days off? He’s a nice guy but we prefer not to have him around. It’s a weird dynamic that seems to keep getting worse in that he’s around more and more.

If she stayed in the house to take care of the dog per your request, what is the issue. She should not have to take PTO for your vacations. PTO is for when she is sick or her vacations.

You have every right to tell her he cannot move in.

The issue is he also stayed in the house, got very comfortable doing so, and now keeps coming over.

It is very common to manage the PTO or half of it to when the employer is away.

No. It’s not “very common” in 2023. You get what you pay for.

[Anonymous]

What's done is done but going forward --

Tell her no boyfriend staying in your home. Up to you if she stays for the dog. The boyfriend doesn't have the background check & references etc. You can say - you know him but we don't.

You said she needs to be told stuff so this is another example.

When he's making the small talk with you, I'd ask him about career aspirations but that's me. If I could provide info I would do that too. Or any opportunities I knew.

I would also tell the nanny that she said she would be with him (@ his mommas house??) on weekends & it's gone to him being around all the time. And that she's the employee, not him, so why is he there running up utility bills? Plus maybe distracting from her job.

You can be fair, kind & still draw boundaries.

[Anonymous]

If you have any job leads for the boyfriend, provide them. No car but he gets to your house, he will be fine getting to work.
I am assuming entry level employment. You or your spouse may have something at your job. Or ask around.
Sometimes people need a leg up & don't have connections or even know the process well.