How to give constructive feedback

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jane, as we're hitting the 3 month mark of having you with us I want to set aside some time to see how things are going for you. I'd like to know whether the job is what you expected, which parts you especially enjoy, what you're finding more challenging, how Bob and I are doing as employers, what would be helpful to you going forward, and so on.

I think it will probably be helpful for us to have regular time to touch base as the kids evolve, seasons change, pandemics ebb (fingers crossed!) and all that.

I also want to make sure that Bob and I are communicating effectively with you, and that the three of us build a relationship where we work together well.

How about lunch during the kids' nap next Thursday?

Then - you go into that meeting really asking and listening to the answers to questions like the above for her - how is she feeling, what is working, what is she finding harder than expected, does she have any constructive feedback for you? (NOTE - feedback, not criticism.)

You will learn how she is feeling - which is critical. And that kind of approach may give you opportunities to learn how you can do better, and may also open the door to the kinds of things you'd like to see done differently.

What you should shoot for is not providing constructive criticism, but having regular conversations about collaborating effectively with your nanny, and ensuring that expectations are clear on all sides. And you have to really try to make sure you're willing to listen/learn/adapt as much as you ask her to do.

Also, every nanny brings different talents and challenges to the job - just as we all do in whatever we do. Some will be brilliant at time management and tidiness, but less warm and loving with the kids. Some may be absolute loving, warm, creative, resourceful companions but be terrible at structured nap routines. Some will be naturally organized and tidy and others just won't. It's always a give and take. So don't expect perfection. Do know what your most critical priorities are and be sure you're clear in communicating those and in hiring accordingly.

The nanny/employer relationship is tough. It's so very personal, and so deeply important. And it's incredibly hard to keep professional boundaries. But establishing clear, professional relationships from the start will help.

OP follow up. Thanks this post, we sat down to talk about a week ago and I approached pretty much exactly as you outlined. I wanted to hear from her and make sure she felt she had opportunities to raise things to me, and give her some feedback as well. Not sure why everyone shifted from feedback to criticism on this post, since the title is "constructive feedback" but alas, I guess that's how people wanted to read it.

In good news - she had feedback for me on how to streamline some things that would help her, wanted some input on how to handle a few things with the kids and the talk went really well. In fact I would say we're working together better for having had it.