kids love au pair....but some issues

[Anonymous]

Why does she need to ask you if she can use the car? I would be more specific about when it’s available in general and not make her keep asking. Example, she has the car during the day with the kids but at 4pm when u are done working you need it for the kids. On Mon and Tues eve bids it’s not available to get because you do X. But you won’t need the car on Wednesday evenings so she can use it then and should plan her social life accordingly. Weekends during the day she should assume you’re using it but should ask to use it on weekend evenings….. or obviously what works for you. I wouldn’t reset over this because I think you need to let go of the car control a bit. How much screen time is she giving them and how old are they? If you say 2 hours snd she’s doing 3-4 in a 10 hour day but also does other fun things with them for 6 hours a day I would let that go too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does she need to ask you if she can use the car? I would be more specific about when it’s available in general and not make her keep asking. Example, she has the car during the day with the kids but at 4pm when u are done working you need it for the kids. On Mon and Tues eve bids it’s not available to get because you do X. But you won’t need the car on Wednesday evenings so she can use it then and should plan her social life accordingly. Weekends during the day she should assume you’re using it but should ask to use it on weekend evenings….. or obviously what works for you. I wouldn’t reset over this because I think you need to let go of the car control a bit. How much screen time is she giving them and how old are they? If you say 2 hours snd she’s doing 3-4 in a 10 hour day but also does other fun things with them for 6 hours a day I would let that go too.

Sorry, you’d let it go if she was having your kids watch 3-4 hours/TV/day??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does she need to ask you if she can use the car? I would be more specific about when it’s available in general and not make her keep asking. Example, she has the car during the day with the kids but at 4pm when u are done working you need it for the kids. On Mon and Tues eve bids it’s not available to get because you do X. But you won’t need the car on Wednesday evenings so she can use it then and should plan her social life accordingly. Weekends during the day she should assume you’re using it but should ask to use it on weekend evenings….. or obviously what works for you. I wouldn’t reset over this because I think you need to let go of the car control a bit. How much screen time is she giving them and how old are they? If you say 2 hours snd she’s doing 3-4 in a 10 hour day but also does other fun things with them for 6 hours a day I would let that go too.

She has to ask to use the car because it’s not her car. It’s not even an aupair car, it’s a shared car. An adult who owns and insures a car does not need to make a schedule with an aupair who does not own or pay insurance for the car. It’s not her car.

[Anonymous]

If someone used my vehicle without asking and then wrecked it, that would be the point of no return for me. No going back after you steal my car and wreck it.

[Anonymous]

I could imagine that asking to use the car every time you need it would get ‘old’ really quick. We’re in MoCo and most of my AP’s friends have a dedicated car. My AP is able to use the car at her leisure as long as it’s within the rules outlined in our handbook (up to an hour away, maintain gas in the car, etc).

I agree with the previous poster, it’s in your best interests to outline a few day/time options where she can use the car as she’d like.

I would not be upset if she used the car to go around the corner to the store. Now if she took the car without asking and went out with friends … thst would be a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she need to ask you if she can use the car? I would be more specific about when it’s available in general and not make her keep asking. Example, she has the car during the day with the kids but at 4pm when u are done working you need it for the kids. On Mon and Tues eve bids it’s not available to get because you do X. But you won’t need the car on Wednesday evenings so she can use it then and should plan her social life accordingly. Weekends during the day she should assume you’re using it but should ask to use it on weekend evenings….. or obviously what works for you. I wouldn’t reset over this because I think you need to let go of the car control a bit. How much screen time is she giving them and how old are they? If you say 2 hours snd she’s doing 3-4 in a 10 hour day but also does other fun things with them for 6 hours a day I would let that go too.

Sorry, you’d let it go if she was having your kids watch 3-4 hours/TV/day??

if she was working a 10 hour day in the summer here with no or minimal car access yes I would. The last few weeks my kids watched an hour ish in the morning while I showered and walked dog. Then had breakfast, went to swim team for an hour and a half. Then did a play date, or went and did something else active, had lunch, played indoors, did some music practice and work book pages, read for 30 mins. Then watched an hour and a half or 2 hours before dinner. Didn’t keep this exact schedule everyday but some days. I see nothing wrong with it. I’d be ok with my au pair or sitter doing similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she need to ask you if she can use the car? I would be more specific about when it’s available in general and not make her keep asking. Example, she has the car during the day with the kids but at 4pm when u are done working you need it for the kids. On Mon and Tues eve bids it’s not available to get because you do X. But you won’t need the car on Wednesday evenings so she can use it then and should plan her social life accordingly. Weekends during the day she should assume you’re using it but should ask to use it on weekend evenings….. or obviously what works for you. I wouldn’t reset over this because I think you need to let go of the car control a bit. How much screen time is she giving them and how old are they? If you say 2 hours snd she’s doing 3-4 in a 10 hour day but also does other fun things with them for 6 hours a day I would let that go too.

She has to ask to use the car because it’s not her car. It’s not even an aupair car, it’s a shared car. An adult who owns and insures a car does not need to make a schedule with an aupair who does not own or pay insurance for the car. It’s not her car.

this is extremely controlling. I hope you made it clear in the interview she would have to ask you each and every time. It sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Car sharing is very common. We did it with 3 au pairs and had no issue with it. Never had one take it with out running it by us. We did get an au pair specific car for our 4th and 5th au pair and generally, it was easier - so consider finding a cheap reliable car for your au pair in the future.

Of course your kids are going to like her if she lets them sit in front of screens. I’d have a meeting with her to air your issues. If things don’t improve, it’s time to think about rematching.

Those saying Nannies are automatically better are wrong. They come with their own set of issues.

[Anonymous]

You have got to pay to play. Find a nanny and not AP, cut the BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she need to ask you if she can use the car? I would be more specific about when it’s available in general and not make her keep asking. Example, she has the car during the day with the kids but at 4pm when u are done working you need it for the kids. On Mon and Tues eve bids it’s not available to get because you do X. But you won’t need the car on Wednesday evenings so she can use it then and should plan her social life accordingly. Weekends during the day she should assume you’re using it but should ask to use it on weekend evenings….. or obviously what works for you. I wouldn’t reset over this because I think you need to let go of the car control a bit. How much screen time is she giving them and how old are they? If you say 2 hours snd she’s doing 3-4 in a 10 hour day but also does other fun things with them for 6 hours a day I would let that go too.

She has to ask to use the car because it’s not her car. It’s not even an aupair car, it’s a shared car. An adult who owns and insures a car does not need to make a schedule with an aupair who does not own or pay insurance for the car. It’s not her car.

this is extremely controlling. I hope you made it clear in the interview she would have to ask you each and every time. It sounds awful.

We made it clear in the interview that the car would mostly be for use during time with the kids and that she has a $300/month uber credit for her own time. If she wanted to use the car in her own time, she should ask. That doesn't seem unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she need to ask you if she can use the car? I would be more specific about when it’s available in general and not make her keep asking. Example, she has the car during the day with the kids but at 4pm when u are done working you need it for the kids. On Mon and Tues eve bids it’s not available to get because you do X. But you won’t need the car on Wednesday evenings so she can use it then and should plan her social life accordingly. Weekends during the day she should assume you’re using it but should ask to use it on weekend evenings….. or obviously what works for you. I wouldn’t reset over this because I think you need to let go of the car control a bit. How much screen time is she giving them and how old are they? If you say 2 hours snd she’s doing 3-4 in a 10 hour day but also does other fun things with them for 6 hours a day I would let that go too.

She has to ask to use the car because it’s not her car. It’s not even an aupair car, it’s a shared car. An adult who owns and insures a car does not need to make a schedule with an aupair who does not own or pay insurance for the car. It’s not her car.

this is extremely controlling. I hope you made it clear in the interview she would have to ask you each and every time. It sounds awful.

We made it clear in the interview that the car would mostly be for use during time with the kids and that she has a $300/month uber credit for her own time. If she wanted to use the car in her own time, she should ask. That doesn't seem unreasonable.

Live-in nanny here. That's more than reasonable. And car sharing is common for both live-in nannies and APs... try doing it with two parents, one nanny and a newly licensed teen!