How to bring up minor issues without seeming... crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You’re paying for a service. If your pediatrician, dentist or hairdresser sucked would you work with them or find a new one?

I disagree. To use some of your examples:
Let's say my hairdresser cut my fringe too short, or added too many layers. I wouldn't run out to find a new one. I'd make sure I said something the next time.
Dentist gave me a shot to numb my mouth before a filling. Came in to check and I'm not numb enough - I'd speak up, and ask him to adjust it.
Dentist filled the wrong tooth? THEN you'd just switch. But I'd consider the examples OP gave to be on par with things that can be addressed. If OP brings up a discussion and nanny is rude about it/not open to change, then OP should consider whether to let things go or move on.

The babysitter (she’s not a nanny) lacks common sense and is working with children. If your dentist, pediatrician or hairdresser lacked common sense, I doubt you would just brush it off. But to each their own. Some people settle and others don’t.

[Anonymous]

If you hired her to assist with virtual learning, stop expecting her to make/reheat meals and snacks, and stop expecting her to police your child’s social skills when they are out of the house.

It’s perfectly reasonable to have a reset discussion about her performance in regards to virtual learning. Ask to speak with her after her shift and serve her a $#!+ sandwich.

“Jane, we are so glad you are working with Amelia. The way you handle XYZ is terrific. We did want to talk a bit about ABCDEFG, and make some suggestions based on what generally works for Amelia. (Outline issues, request changes, explain why the changes will help.)

Thanks for talking with us Jane! I’m sure you will see positive results soon once you implement these suggestions. I’d love to hear how you think things are going in a few weeks. Let’s plan to talk again on (date 3-4 weeks away), and let’s keep the lines of communication open.”

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the useful advice. I think we can course correct - thank you!

(Though some if it is willfully absurd.)

[Anonymous]

She lacks common sense, OP. Who doesn’t know to put milk and perishable leftovers back in the refrigerator? Next thing you’ll tell us that she left the stove on or set your microwave on fire because she didn’t know to keep metal out of it. You’re leaving your young child with her, seriously?!!

[Anonymous]

This would really concern me because I have seen children with severe food poisoning cases. Is there really no one else to hire?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire someone with experience. Everything you stated is a result of hiring someone young and inexperienced.

You get what you pay for. Pay $10/hr and expect nothing but a warm body to be with your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, there some suggestions above on how to bring it up with her, if you want to go that route. However, it seems from your description, that she simply lacks good judgement. It's possible to correct individual isolated things (please don't call my child bossy, we don't want to label her or discourage being outspoken. If there is a problem you find with her actions - please consult with me so we have a joint approach IF it needs correction). It's not possible to give a person a better judgement if they lack it. I've seen it in older caretakers too. It's a pain in the ass to switch and look for a new one, but unfortunately, it's par for the course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few weeks ago we hired a young person to assist our Pre-K kid with online learning (we're in DC and are in a school we like and want to keep our spot.) We knew this person loosely and she is a very nice and gregarious young 20-something.

We're starting to notice some tiny issues and I'm looking for a way to broach them without sounding crazy. In the past, prior to Pre-K our child was in a daycare center so all of this is new to us. The issues are things like

- Overheating food to the point it's almost inedible or not portioning food, like we can't leave a full container of mac and cheese for instance, it has to be portioned otherwise it will all be reheated and left out
- Leaving a cup of milk out all day and not putting it in the fridge when our child is done with it
- I think our child might have picked flowers from someone's yard on a walk. When I asked about it she said, "Well they weren't at the front of the house, don't worry."
- Mentioning that our child doesn't know or forgot all of X like "doesn't know her alphabet" to the point where our child tells us that her caregiver doesn't thing she knows X. (I just don't want our child to get discouraged -- this COVID stuff is rough enough)
- We've seen her kind of over-prompting our child for answers for the teacher or doing the work for our child for instance finding things the teacher asked the children to find
- She'll say that our child is bossy - I get why but I really hate that word being used in reference to children

For the most part, these things seem like common sense to me, so feel like bringing them up at all is insulting - that said, they are things that are bothering us and I'd like for them to be fixed if possible. They don't feel like dealbreakers but things that can be tweaked (we can portion out food, maybe she can remember to put away the milk after breakfast, etc.).

Just for reference, this is a part time situation, about 25 hours per week. Really open to any suggestions regarding how to broach things gently and thanks.

I think you've got to let some things go (or solve yourself) and pick some things to say something about. I would also aim to give no more than one correction a week (when you're talking about this small stuff) and have something positive to say the other four days a week. That should keep the relationship positive.

For me, I'd do the food portioning myself, let the flower thing go (unless someone complains to you), and let the milk thing go (milk is cheap). I'd start, tomorrow, on the bossy thing. ESPECIALLY if your kid is a girl. I wouldn't be okay with that. Then next week, I'd say something about doing the kid's work/over prompting. That one, especially the second part, is a bit subtle. You may need to address that a few times in a few different ways over a period of several weeks before she gets it. Give it some time. This is a good one for the positive feedback "I heard Larla struggling to sound out that word, and it was great that you gave her the space to figure it out. I can tell she's really learning, and I appreciate it!"

[Anonymous]

Wow...I have a 14yr old who can manage a house better than your nanny. I'm not even kidding. Dead serious.

My son can cook meals, cleans them up, portions out what he needs to microwave and pours only the amount of milk be can drink. He also cleans up his mess, including wiping down counters.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just not cut out for this kind of work.
Not everything is nurturing enough to care for a child.

Have a meeting with her. Correct everything as much as you can . How long have you had her ? If only a few weeks , you can try to work with her.

If more Tha 3 months, she is hopeless. Can’t change. You have to let her go.