My nanny just really upset me

[Anonymous]

You sound like you're looking for problems you don't have. You have three kids, a stressful job, and are living through a pandemic. Surely you have REAL problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that your Nanny just wanted to let you know that by no longer working for the other family, she now will have less exposure to other people.

Or maybe it was a way of letting you know that she’s free that day to work for you, if you need the help? Anyway, give her the benefit of the doubt and ask for clarification tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

You are lucky the other family is paying her and not having her come which keeps your family safer. You could offer to take on that extra one day a week so they don't have to pay given you need the care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you're looking for problems you don't have. You have three kids, a stressful job, and are living through a pandemic. Surely you have REAL problems.

This. Stop looking for problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny has worked for us for 8 years. We have three kids in elementary school. We have a good relationship. She started working for us when another family that she worked for had kids that had gotten to middle school/high school age and didn’t need a nanny anymore. She still works for that family one day a week doing housework and laundry and she works for us the remainder of the week.

My husband and I both are working full time from home and are lucky to have kept our jobs. We are both heavily involved in handling the COVID crisis for our respective companies and it’s been stressful. We recognize we’re lucky to have jobs and be getting paid. We’re strictly observing social distancing other than our nanny, who we literally need so that we can keep our jobs. My youngest is a kindergartner and needs adult care.

Anyway, my nanny came in this morning and told me that she’s so lucky because her other family told her not to come in for two weeks and they’re paying her anyway. I felt it was a clear hint that we should do something similarly. I told her immediately that I was sorry we couldn’t do that for her, but that I needed her to work so that I can keep my job. She said she understood she was lucky to have a job and we were all lucky to have jobs. But I can’t help but feel like she was hinting that she wanted paid time off when I’m at the one of the worst points in terms of my own workload.

It would be a totally different thing if any of us were even a whiff of sick or if we weren’t strictly observing social distancing. However, I don’t think there is any real fear of getting sick driving her here. I think it’s wanting to get paid for not working.

Sounds more like she was worried about not knowing the exposure of the other family, especially since she’s only there one day per week. Now, she’s letting you know that her circle has closed a bit more.

Yes, look at it this way. I understand how you might interpret the nanny's announcement as a "hint," but the other family probably doesn't really need her if they are at home. Different circumstances, and you comprise most of her income. Let not your heart be troubled.

[Anonymous]

Don't be upset, she's happy to have an extra day off, just like you would have been in the same circumstance.

Let it go

Nanny.

[Anonymous]

You’ve known her for 8 years, so you know her personality. If you think she wanted you to give her time off and pay her, she probably did. You did the right thing. It’s not like things are going to be any different in 2 weeks - then will she want 2 months?

[Anonymous]

Nanny of 15 years. She definitely was hinting that she wants to get 2 weeks off as well. She could of just said other family wants to comply with the 2 week shutdown and not spread any germs but she clearly was expressing to you how she gets 2 weeks off paid and was hoping you were going to do the same. Now I wouldn’t be overly upset about it but I can see your dire circumstances of having a nanny. You may feel like it was an unfair underlying statement she said. I totally get it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny has worked for us for 8 years. We have three kids in elementary school. We have a good relationship. She started working for us when another family that she worked for had kids that had gotten to middle school/high school age and didn’t need a nanny anymore. She still works for that family one day a week doing housework and laundry and she works for us the remainder of the week.

My husband and I both are working full time from home and are lucky to have kept our jobs. We are both heavily involved in handling the COVID crisis for our respective companies and it’s been stressful. We recognize we’re lucky to have jobs and be getting paid. We’re strictly observing social distancing other than our nanny, who we literally need so that we can keep our jobs. My youngest is a kindergartner and needs adult care.

Anyway, my nanny came in this morning and told me that she’s so lucky because her other family told her not to come in for two weeks and they’re paying her anyway. I felt it was a clear hint that we should do something similarly. I told her immediately that I was sorry we couldn’t do that for her, but that I needed her to work so that I can keep my job. She said she understood she was lucky to have a job and we were all lucky to have jobs. But I can’t help but feel like she was hinting that she wanted paid time off when I’m at the one of the worst points in terms of my own workload.

It would be a totally different thing if any of us were even a whiff of sick or if we weren’t strictly observing social distancing. However, I don’t think there is any real fear of getting sick driving her here. I think it’s wanting to get paid for not working.

Are you always this moody and sensitive?

Jeez lady I can't imagine the eggshells people have to walk around you on.

[Anonymous]

You are worried about being "at the one of the worst points in terms of my own workload" but your nanny may be worried about exposing herself, her own family, and your family in a potentially life threatening way depending on what her commute is like. How does she get to your place? Does she face exposure in doing so? Might she be facing lots of pressure at home as well- i.e. family members telling her not to go out, other family members laid off or facing health difficulties?

I know this is a very stressful time for you but you are very lucky to have the option of working from home. If you had to leave home for work you might have more sympathy for your nanny! Wether she was hinting or not I don't think it is unreasonable for her to find out if this might be an option. Don't take it personally- be thankful she is still showing up and be mindful that you are likely not the only stressed out person in this situation and your nanny may actually be facing much graver issues than you are with fewer resources and options. I think it is totally fair for your nanny to hint at or explore her options- she actually totally has a right to upfront ask you this! Please resist the urge to make this all about YOU as you will unnecessarily make yourself and others around you miserable.

Also, I know you will likely dismiss this, but have you thought about any ways to ameliorate your workload? I have found that many of my colleagues are working like crazy right now to keep up and feel lots of pressure to perform and not ask for help while others have been more vocal and communicated with hr and mangers to work things out. Sometimes people assume they have no options and leeway at work when they actually do. Maybe you need to take a tip from your nanny and explore if there are any options available to you even if it is negotiating a deadline or getting some help from a colleague. If you are in a very toxic workplace this truly may not be an option but if you are as stressed out as you sound do remember that people really are being more flexible at this time and you might have more leeway than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny has worked for us for 8 years. We have three kids in elementary school. We have a good relationship. She started working for us when another family that she worked for had kids that had gotten to middle school/high school age and didn’t need a nanny anymore. She still works for that family one day a week doing housework and laundry and she works for us the remainder of the week.

My husband and I both are working full time from home and are lucky to have kept our jobs. We are both heavily involved in handling the COVID crisis for our respective companies and it’s been stressful. We recognize we’re lucky to have jobs and be getting paid. We’re strictly observing social distancing other than our nanny, who we literally need so that we can keep our jobs. My youngest is a kindergartner and needs adult care.

Anyway, my nanny came in this morning and told me that she’s so lucky because her other family told her not to come in for two weeks and they’re paying her anyway. I felt it was a clear hint that we should do something similarly. I told her immediately that I was sorry we couldn’t do that for her, but that I needed her to work so that I can keep my job. She said she understood she was lucky to have a job and we were all lucky to have jobs. But I can’t help but feel like she was hinting that she wanted paid time off when I’m at the one of the worst points in terms of my own workload.

It would be a totally different thing if any of us were even a whiff of sick or if we weren’t strictly observing social distancing. However, I don’t think there is any real fear of getting sick driving her here. I think it’s wanting to get paid for not working.

This is a clear hit on you. Why else would she share JUST this news. Use your brain and toss this nanny on the streets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny has worked for us for 8 years. We have three kids in elementary school. We have a good relationship. She started working for us when another family that she worked for had kids that had gotten to middle school/high school age and didn’t need a nanny anymore. She still works for that family one day a week doing housework and laundry and she works for us the remainder of the week.

My husband and I both are working full time from home and are lucky to have kept our jobs. We are both heavily involved in handling the COVID crisis for our respective companies and it’s been stressful. We recognize we’re lucky to have jobs and be getting paid. We’re strictly observing social distancing other than our nanny, who we literally need so that we can keep our jobs. My youngest is a kindergartner and needs adult care.

Anyway, my nanny came in this morning and told me that she’s so lucky because her other family told her not to come in for two weeks and they’re paying her anyway. I felt it was a clear hint that we should do something similarly. I told her immediately that I was sorry we couldn’t do that for her, but that I needed her to work so that I can keep my job. She said she understood she was lucky to have a job and we were all lucky to have jobs. But I can’t help but feel like she was hinting that she wanted paid time off when I’m at the one of the worst points in terms of my own workload.

It would be a totally different thing if any of us were even a whiff of sick or if we weren’t strictly observing social distancing. However, I don’t think there is any real fear of getting sick driving her here. I think it’s wanting to get paid for not working.

Honestly, you sound like an idiot and a guilty one, at that. She had good news and shared it with you and, immediately, you take it to mean that she wants something from you


I hope she realizes what a jerk you are and finds a new job.

[Anonymous]

Frontline worker here. How heavily involved in the Covid crisis can you possibly be working from your computer at home? You sound obnoxious on many levels

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frontline worker here. How heavily involved in the Covid crisis can you possibly be working from your computer at home? You sound obnoxious on many levels

NP. Some of us are working 12 hour days in the background. The frontline needs a backline. Thank you for what you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frontline worker here. How heavily involved in the Covid crisis can you possibly be working from your computer at home? You sound obnoxious on many levels

NP. Some of us are working 12 hour days in the background. The frontline needs a backline. Thank you for what you do.

I agree with post immediately above your post. I bet she does nothing. Even if she is, it is her job so why thank her? She is in zero danger.