If you have a nanny, what do you do when your child is 2-4?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son who will be 2.5 next fall. I’m expecting a second baby next summer. I’d like to have a nanny take care of both kids, mostly for ease of life for me and my DH, so we can keep up better with work. So far, my son has been in a very good daycare, with lots of special activities and 3 teachers for 8 kids (often only 6 kids). I want to know how people use a nanny for a 2-4 year old. How many outside activities or how much preschool do you use in addition to the nanny? What do you think is the best setup for the older child?

We were in a similar situation and decided to have the nanny focused just on the baby. It was easiest for all involved because coordinating drop off and pickup, activities, naps and playdates would be too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a child who has been in daycare, continuing with daycare is best. Look for a nanny share for your second.

My son will have to transition to new teachers in September in any event. I do think he is used to the routine of daycare. But my point is that he has to make a change anyway.

My point was that he’s used to the routine of daycare. Asking a child at that age to adjust to not only a new sibling but also a switch from daycare to nanny is foolhardy.

Foolhardy to have a child adapt from a group care situation outside the home to a 2:1 care with a dedicated provider at his own home? Oh, please! The opposite move could be challenging but no child is going to be hurt going from daycare to their own nanny.

It will be a shared nanny, not their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a child who has been in daycare, continuing with daycare is best. Look for a nanny share for your second.[w/quote]

My son will have to transition to new teachers in September in any event. I do think he is used to the routine of daycare. But my point is that he has to make a change anyway.

My point was that he’s used to the routine of daycare. Asking a child at that age to adjust to not only a new sibling but also a switch from daycare to nanny is foolhardy.

Foolhardy to have a child adapt from a group care situation outside the home to a 2:1 care with a dedicated provider at his own home? Oh, please! The opposite move could be challenging but no child is going to be hurt going from daycare to their own nanny.

It will be a shared nanny, not their own.

Big deal-going from group care to a 2:1 ratio would be a positive Change for most kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a child who has been in daycare, continuing with daycare is best. Look for a nanny share for your second.[w/quote]

My son will have to transition to new teachers in September in any event. I do think he is used to the routine of daycare. But my point is that he has to make a change anyway.

My point was that he’s used to the routine of daycare. Asking a child at that age to adjust to not only a new sibling but also a switch from daycare to nanny is foolhardy.

Foolhardy to have a child adapt from a group care situation outside the home to a 2:1 care with a dedicated provider at his own home? Oh, please! The opposite move could be challenging but no child is going to be hurt going from daycare to their own nanny.

It will be a shared nanny, not their own.

Big deal-going from group care to a 2:1 ratio would be a positive Change for most kids.

If it's a similar-age child with similar development level, interests and temperament, yes. Not an infant who is of zero value when it comes to company, and presents various scheduling restrictions without any redeeming value to a 4-year old. My 4-year old would not appreciate being taken out of his preschool where all his friends and activities are, and getting stuck at home with an infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a child who has been in daycare, continuing with daycare is best. Look for a nanny share for your second.

My son will have to transition to new teachers in September in any event. I do think he is used to the routine of daycare. But my point is that he has to make a change anyway.

My point was that he’s used to the routine of daycare. Asking a child at that age to adjust to not only a new sibling but also a switch from daycare to nanny is foolhardy.

Foolhardy to have a child adapt from a group care situation outside the home to a 2:1 care with a dedicated provider at his own home? Oh, please! The opposite move could be challenging but no child is going to be hurt going from daycare to their own nanny.

Losing a friend group and specific daily routine while gaining a new caregiver and going from an only child to big brother? I stand by my assessment. Especially if the nanny will be expected to keep both kids home/inside due to the infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a child who has been in daycare, continuing with daycare is best. Look for a nanny share for your second.[w/quote]

My son will have to transition to new teachers in September in any event. I do think he is used to the routine of daycare. But my point is that he has to make a change anyway.

My point was that he’s used to the routine of daycare. Asking a child at that age to adjust to not only a new sibling but also a switch from daycare to nanny is foolhardy.

Foolhardy to have a child adapt from a group care situation outside the home to a 2:1 care with a dedicated provider at his own home? Oh, please! The opposite move could be challenging but no child is going to be hurt going from daycare to their own nanny.

It will be a shared nanny, not their own.

Big deal-going from group care to a 2:1 ratio would be a positive Change for most kids.

If it's a similar-age child with similar development level, interests and temperament, yes. Not an infant who is of zero value when it comes to company, and presents various scheduling restrictions without any redeeming value to a 4-year old. My 4-year old would not appreciate being taken out of his preschool where all his friends and activities are, and getting stuck at home with an infant.

Precisely my point. This is why I refuse to work with infants and an older child, unless the infant can be taken out or the older child has outside activities (that I don’t stay to supervise) much of the day. But most families want the infant to stay home until 6 months, which means that the older child goes from highly scheduled routine group setting with age peers to home with less focused 2/3:1 care due to the presence of the infant, their schedule is not prioritized (bc infant takes priority) and they’re experiencing too many changes all at once to be able to process without causing behavior/emotional overload.

I know what’s reasonable to expect of a child. Decent behavior when their world is swung upside down and then shook isn’t a reasonable expectation. And I don’t set kids or myself up for failure.

[Anonymous]

OP, the right nanny will be able to tell you the best way to handle this.

For me, if I were interviewing for a 4yo/infant situation and the 4yo was transitioning from school to nanny care, I would suggest:
1) keep 4yo in daycare until the infant is at least 4-6 months so that baby is old enough to be in an established 2-nap-per day routine and has had vaccines before needing to be taken with 4yo to assorted outings.
2) have a big morning outing for 4yo daily and accept that infant will have to nap on the go every single morning nap. I would come ready with ideas—museums, park, zoo, indoor playspace and ready to discuss a budget for outings and transportation to outings.
3) During these outings I would be planning to babywear the infant to avoid germs and maximize napping.
4) I would have the 4yo home and have a proper nap in a crib for the infant every afternoon. I would be ready with ideas for what I would work on with the 4yo during that time (cooking together, specific types of open-ended/project-based art, building toys, puzzles, games, etc.) and be ready to ask about what you have in your home for the 4yo to do and what my budget would be for purchasing additional art supplies, etc. as needed.
5) I would plan to have some kind of outdoor time each afternoon, whether that is a close-by park, a walk in the neighborhood or playing in the yard.
6) I would have a lot of questions about your expectations for housekeeping. This job will require a lot of juggling already and you will be surprised at how much messier the house gets when the kids are actually at home all day instead of doing most of the messy stuff at daycare. What are acceptable standards of cleanliness and How would we as a team work together to maintain them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the right nanny will be able to tell you the best way to handle this.

For me, if I were interviewing for a 4yo/infant situation and the 4yo was transitioning from school to nanny care, I would suggest:
1) keep 4yo in daycare until the infant is at least 4-6 months so that baby is old enough to be in an established 2-nap-per day routine and has had vaccines before needing to be taken with 4yo to assorted outings.
2) have a big morning outing for 4yo daily and accept that infant will have to nap on the go every single morning nap. I would come ready with ideas—museums, park, zoo, indoor playspace and ready to discuss a budget for outings and transportation to outings.
3) During these outings I would be planning to babywear the infant to avoid germs and maximize napping.
4) I would have the 4yo home and have a proper nap in a crib for the infant every afternoon. I would be ready with ideas for what I would work on with the 4yo during that time (cooking together, specific types of open-ended/project-based art, building toys, puzzles, games, etc.) and be ready to ask about what you have in your home for the 4yo to do and what my budget would be for purchasing additional art supplies, etc. as needed.
5) I would plan to have some kind of outdoor time each afternoon, whether that is a close-by park, a walk in the neighborhood or playing in the yard.
6) I would have a lot of questions about your expectations for housekeeping. This job will require a lot of juggling already and you will be surprised at how much messier the house gets when the kids are actually at home all day instead of doing most of the messy stuff at daycare. What are acceptable standards of cleanliness and How would we as a team work together to maintain them?

This!

But most families who want to go from daycare to nanny won’t consider keeping the older child in daycare until naps solidly.

[Anonymous]

By the time you've kept a 4-year old in daycare for 4-6 months, it's time for school!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. To be clear, my son would be 2 years, 4 months when the nanny would start. I asked about the 2-4 age range because he will start public pre-k two years later, at 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses, everyone. To be clear, my son would be 2 years, 4 months when the nanny would start. I asked about the 2-4 age range because he will start public pre-k two years later, at 4.

Sorry, this is the OP again. The infant would be 2 months old, although I could be on maternity leave till 4 or 5 months. I was thinking of having the nanny overlap with my maternity leave because my son would need a new care situation from September on and I don’t want him to transition twice. This could also help him get to know her and have more individual attention at first, and I could have some help with the two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses, everyone. To be clear, my son would be 2 years, 4 months when the nanny would start. I asked about the 2-4 age range because he will start public pre-k two years later, at 4.

Sorry, this is the OP again. The infant would be 2 months old, although I could be on maternity leave till 4 or 5 months. I was thinking of having the nanny overlap with my maternity leave because my son would need a new care situation from September on and I don’t want him to transition twice. This could also help him get to know her and have more individual attention at first, and I could have some help with the two kids.

I think the right nanny would be great for your toddler. And by “right” I mean an educated nanny who would engage him, teach him, let him spend hours exploring outdoors (my main complaint with daycare is not enough outdoor time) and keep him socialized with play groups, story times, play dates and maybe a class or two. All would benefit your newborn too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses, everyone. To be clear, my son would be 2 years, 4 months when the nanny would start. I asked about the 2-4 age range because he will start public pre-k two years later, at 4.

Sorry, this is the OP again. The infant would be 2 months old, although I could be on maternity leave till 4 or 5 months. I was thinking of having the nanny overlap with my maternity leave because my son would need a new care situation from September on and I don’t want him to transition twice. This could also help him get to know her and have more individual attention at first, and I could have some help with the two kids.

This is far different from what you implied in to OP. If you are committed to caring for the baby during maternity leave, allow the nanny to both bond with your 2.5yo and set up a schedule of activities, play dates and exercise. Your infant will be taken along once you go back to work, but it could work.

However, I strongly caution against starting the nanny just after the birth. You want to give your child time between each change, preferably at least 2-3 months. It would also give you time to find someone you really like and won’t be stressed and sleep-deprived yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses, everyone. To be clear, my son would be 2 years, 4 months when the nanny would start. I asked about the 2-4 age range because he will start public pre-k two years later, at 4.

Sorry, this is the OP again. The infant would be 2 months old, although I could be on maternity leave till 4 or 5 months. I was thinking of having the nanny overlap with my maternity leave because my son would need a new care situation from September on and I don’t want him to transition twice. This could also help him get to know her and have more individual attention at first, and I could have some help with the two kids.

I think the right nanny would be great for your toddler. And by “right” I mean an educated nanny who would engage him, teach him, let him spend hours exploring outdoors (my main complaint with daycare is not enough outdoor time) and keep him socialized with play groups, story times, play dates and maybe a class or two. All would benefit your newborn too.

There is no benefit at all for the newborn in any of the bolded. There is some downside to the newborn in this in as far as his naps would be disturbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses, everyone. To be clear, my son would be 2 years, 4 months when the nanny would start. I asked about the 2-4 age range because he will start public pre-k two years later, at 4.

Sorry, this is the OP again. The infant would be 2 months old, although I could be on maternity leave till 4 or 5 months. I was thinking of having the nanny overlap with my maternity leave because my son would need a new care situation from September on and I don’t want him to transition twice. This could also help him get to know her and have more individual attention at first, and I could have some help with the two kids.

I think the right nanny would be great for your toddler. And by “right” I mean an educated nanny who would engage him, teach him, let him spend hours exploring outdoors (my main complaint with daycare is not enough outdoor time) and keep him socialized with play groups, story times, play dates and maybe a class or two. All would benefit your newborn too.

There is no benefit at all for the newborn in any of the bolded. There is some downside to the newborn in this in as far as his naps would be disturbed.

I disagree completely. Anything that engages a newborn with words, sights, smells, etc is beneficial. “In the world and of the world” and all that. And babies love watching “big kids”. You can schedule easily around naps once a schedule is present.