Bereavement/time off

[Anonymous]

I would figure out what your limitations and needs are, then approach it with her. Would you be okay if she were on charge of finding a replacement? What if you hired a consistent caregiver 1 day per week for the rest of the summer (a student off of school maybe) so nanny consistently works Monday-Thursday, e.g. What if you said that she could bring your child along for some of these? Think through any options that work for you, then talk to nanny about it. If you get fired, she won’t have a job ao that is hardly in her best interest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand everyone grieves differently, but I think she has taken an excessive amount of time off. My mom passed away recently, I took two days off. I think you have been very accommodating, you need to be honest with her and let her know that you can’t take any more time off from work.

Obviously, you didn't give a damn about your mother if you only grieved for two days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand everyone grieves differently, but I think she has taken an excessive amount of time off. My mom passed away recently, I took two days off. I think you have been very accommodating, you need to be honest with her and let her know that you can’t take any more time off from work.

I don't disagree with you. I think this is very cultural, though. Have to respect that different cultures do things differently and American culture is known for being pretty impersonal and workcentric, relative to others.

Um, no. A job doesn't "have to respect that different cultures do things differently." Nanny came to the US to work, and therefore nanny "has to respect" the culture that she CHOSE to come to. OP has been more than accommodating.

[Anonymous]

What, exactly, is she taking time off to handle at this point? If it is something like a quick meeting at the bank, maybe she could do it at 4pm on a Friday instead of 11am one tuesday. I would talk to her, figure out what needs might crop up in the coming weeks and figure of what you can accommodate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand everyone grieves differently, but I think she has taken an excessive amount of time off. My mom passed away recently, I took two days off. I think you have been very accommodating, you need to be honest with her and let her know that you can’t take any more time off from work.

Obviously, you didn't give a damn about your mother if you only grieved for two days.

Stop embarrassing yourself, PP. The poster took two days off work - you have no idea how long she grieved.

All your post did was prove you are an immature child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand everyone grieves differently, but I think she has taken an excessive amount of time off. My mom passed away recently, I took two days off. I think you have been very accommodating, you need to be honest with her and let her know that you can’t take any more time off from work.

I don't disagree with you. I think this is very cultural, though. Have to respect that different cultures do things differently and American culture is known for being pretty impersonal and workcentric, relative to others.

Um, no. A job doesn't "have to respect that different cultures do things differently." Nanny came to the US to work, and therefore nanny "has to respect" the culture that she CHOSE to come to. OP has been more than accommodating.

Well . . . I think it depends on what you want for your child, doesn't it? Many cultures are much more warm, nurturing, people- and relationship-based. US is rule- and institution-based. I'm not sure you necessarily want to bring every aspect of that into a role that involves bonding with and caring for a young child day after day.

The US is famously not a family-friendly or mother-friendly work culture, and it's also a culture that doesn't prioritize work-life balance at all, to the detriment of many parents and young children. Where does that leave many working families? Relying on women who come mostly from other cultures to care for their children. It's no secret that most childcare workers, whether in centers or in homes, are from other countries. I am not saying it is only for cultural reasons that those women seek this work; obviously it has to do with socioeconomic and other factors. But to have someone coming from a culture that prioritizes spending time with young children with your child is in my view a plus. There will have to be some give and take for that.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the advice. Very helpful. We talked it over and she understood.

Unfortunately today she was going to come in an hour late due to her errand, and she fell and hurt herself. Hopefully she will be OK but she had to go to the doctor so that’s another day.

We have no family in town. Clearly we need more back up help. ... What are the chances?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the advice. Very helpful. We talked it over and she understood.

Unfortunately today she was going to come in an hour late due to her errand, and she fell and hurt herself. Hopefully she will be OK but she had to go to the doctor so that’s another day.

We have no family in town. Clearly we need more back up help. ... What are the chances?!

Sounds like you are being taken advantage of. Seriously.