How long did it take you to stop missing a former charge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many of us, there's no "moving on" from certain situations. It is what it is. There's no denying the truth. The self-obsorbed parents will pay for their evil selfishness.

They are the parents, not you. For you, this is a job. Most people don't keep up with childhood caretakers. Did you keep up with your babysitter, nanny, teacher, etc. from your child hood. I couldn't remember my nanny when she'd come to visit years late and it was very uncomfortable for me. My bond was with my parents not a caretaker.

How do you bond with people you hardly see? Or when you do see them, it's a few moments of "quality time" at dinner (if that) and crazy busy weekends? Sometimes real bonding is hours and hours of unrushed time together, year after year.

You can never replace a child's parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same way you get over the death of a loved one. He is dead to you and you need grief counselling to help you. Good luck.

Write a letter to the parents asking if you can see him one last time to say good bye and mail a copy of the letter to yourself so that if you ever see him again, you can show him that you tried.

I don't feel my former charges are dead to me at all. I pray for their success in life, sometimes (unfortunately) in spite of their selfish parents. Those are the children who need the most help. At this time, prayers are the only thing available. I hope that some day the parents will beg for God's forgiveness for the damage they did to their child. So sad.

How are they selfish? You were an employee working in their home. Your employment ended and so did the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same way you get over the death of a loved one. He is dead to you and you need grief counselling to help you. Good luck.

Write a letter to the parents asking if you can see him one last time to say good bye and mail a copy of the letter to yourself so that if you ever see him again, you can show him that you tried.

I don't feel my former charges are dead to me at all. I pray for their success in life, sometimes (unfortunately) in spite of their selfish parents. Those are the children who need the most help. At this time, prayers are the only thing available. I hope that some day the parents will beg for God's forgiveness for the damage they did to their child. So sad.

How are they selfish? You were an employee working in their home. Your employment ended and so did the relationship.

NP here. The parents are selfish because the job ended - not the relationship with the child. The child didn’t know this was a job - he/she loved and depended on the nanny like a second parent. To simply have that loving presence disappear shakes the child’s trust and can have long term consequences.

I am a nanny and have always visited my former charges - free of charge - for the child’s sake. I feel strongly that it’s part of my responsibility as a nanny and an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same way you get over the death of a loved one. He is dead to you and you need grief counselling to help you. Good luck.

Write a letter to the parents asking if you can see him one last time to say good bye and mail a copy of the letter to yourself so that if you ever see him again, you can show him that you tried.

I don't feel my former charges are dead to me at all. I pray for their success in life, sometimes (unfortunately) in spite of their selfish parents. Those are the children who need the most help. At this time, prayers are the only thing available. I hope that some day the parents will beg for God's forgiveness for the damage they did to their child. So sad.

How are they selfish? You were an employee working in their home. Your employment ended and so did the relationship.

NP here. The parents are selfish because the job ended - not the relationship with the child. The child didn’t know this was a job - he/she loved and depended on the nanny like a second parent. To simply have that loving presence disappear shakes the child’s trust and can have long term consequences.

I am a nanny and have always visited my former charges - free of charge - for the child’s sake. I feel strongly that it’s part of my responsibility as a nanny and an adult.

That makes no sense. The parents are not selfish because the job ended. Most jobs are not life long and end. Most nanny jobs are temporary till the kids go to school except a few rare jobs. The child knows its a job or should be taught that. A nanny is not a second parent. A nanny is a caretaker. If a nanny is a second parent, they should be doing all the things in the home a parent would do and most will not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same way you get over the death of a loved one. He is dead to you and you need grief counselling to help you. Good luck.

Write a letter to the parents asking if you can see him one last time to say good bye and mail a copy of the letter to yourself so that if you ever see him again, you can show him that you tried.

I don't feel my former charges are dead to me at all. I pray for their success in life, sometimes (unfortunately) in spite of their selfish parents. Those are the children who need the most help. At this time, prayers are the only thing available. I hope that some day the parents will beg for God's forgiveness for the damage they did to their child. So sad.

How are they selfish? You were an employee working in their home. Your employment ended and so did the relationship.

NP here. The parents are selfish because the job ended - not the relationship with the child. The child didn’t know this was a job - he/she loved and depended on the nanny like a second parent. To simply have that loving presence disappear shakes the child’s trust and can have long term consequences.

I am a nanny and have always visited my former charges - free of charge - for the child’s sake. I feel strongly that it’s part of my responsibility as a nanny and an adult.

That makes no sense. The parents are not selfish because the job ended. Most jobs are not life long and end. Most nanny jobs are temporary till the kids go to school except a few rare jobs. The child knows its a job or should be taught that. A nanny is not a second parent. A nanny is a caretaker. If a nanny is a second parent, they should be doing all the things in the home a parent would do and most will not.

A three year old understands that a nanny job ends and the person who loved and cared for her for three years simply disappears?

Come on, PP, even you cannot possibly believe what you wrote. Reread OP’s post. That child has to feel at a loss for his former nanny or else the kid is a psychopath. OP just wanted a chance to visit or at least a chance to say goodbye.

Jobs end. All jobs end. Loving relationships don’t end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same way you get over the death of a loved one. He is dead to you and you need grief counselling to help you. Good luck.

Write a letter to the parents asking if you can see him one last time to say good bye and mail a copy of the letter to yourself so that if you ever see him again, you can show him that you tried.

I don't feel my former charges are dead to me at all. I pray for their success in life, sometimes (unfortunately) in spite of their selfish parents. Those are the children who need the most help. At this time, prayers are the only thing available. I hope that some day the parents will beg for God's forgiveness for the damage they did to their child. So sad.

How are they selfish? You were an employee working in their home. Your employment ended and so did the relationship.

NP here. The parents are selfish because the job ended - not the relationship with the child. The child didn’t know this was a job - he/she loved and depended on the nanny like a second parent. To simply have that loving presence disappear shakes the child’s trust and can have long term consequences.

I am a nanny and have always visited my former charges - free of charge - for the child’s sake. I feel strongly that it’s part of my responsibility as a nanny and an adult.

That makes no sense. The parents are not selfish because the job ended. Most jobs are not life long and end. Most nanny jobs are temporary till the kids go to school except a few rare jobs. The child knows its a job or should be taught that. A nanny is not a second parent. A nanny is a caretaker. If a nanny is a second parent, they should be doing all the things in the home a parent would do and most will not.

You have reading comprehension issues, PP.

And no three-year-Old on the planet understands it’s a job and it will end eventually.

You’re an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Time, OP. Time alone will get you past the longing and sadness. It is like a death in a sense.

I’m sorry this happened to you and that poor little boy.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. I am so blessed that this has never happened to me. All of my employer-parents have been secure and healthy adults who want the best for their children. When the job ends, my relationship continues and I either regularly babysit or visit my former charges.

But maybe these two thoughts will help you...

First, Children generally turn out to be like their parents. Your former charge may well become as ugly and vindictive as her mother. Do you really want a continued relationship with her?

Second, it’s been six months. The child you last saw is not the child who exists now. She has grown and changed. It’s like you are looking at baby pictures and mourning her infancy.

Hugs, OP. Like all mourning, the sadness will end eventually.

[Anonymous]

My friends from the neighborhood tell me my former charge is still asking about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends from the neighborhood tell me my former charge is still asking about me.

That is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends from the neighborhood tell me my former charge is still asking about me.

+1. My former charge is clearly afraid to mention my name in front of her mother. I used to volunteer at her preschool the hours she was there in the infant room. The infant room is right when you walk in the front gate with a huge window. The teachers told me that my former charge never looks in the window when her mother walks her in but stares into the window when she is with her teacher and class (after the mother is gone). She has asked them if I was in there many times. This breaks my heart.

I will never understand why that mother has refused to let me see her. I was her nanny for three years since her birth. The mother never let me say goodbye either.

I am still bearing this heartbreak, OP, but it is definitely easing. Time. I also like the advice/thought that the child might turn out like her troubled mother so maybe it’s for the best.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these children who had beloved nannies suddenly banished from their lives, disown their evil parents down the road. For those too young to know what happened to them, they’ll just suffer with depression, or worse.
The parents will report to the psychiatrist that they can’t imagine why Laria is so sad most of the time. But let’s see if some meds will help make her be happy again.
I think there might be a special place in hell for those parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these children who had beloved nannies suddenly banished from their lives, disown their evil parents down the road. For those too young to know what happened to them, they’ll just suffer with depression, or worse.
The parents will report to the psychiatrist that they can’t imagine why Laria is so sad most of the time. But let’s see if some meds will help make her be happy again.
I think there might be a special place in hell for those parents.

How is a nanny equal to a parent? I cannot remember my nanny. I could not remember them a few years later and hated when one would visit as it was uncomfortable. Most young kids don't remember their caretaker. Have your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these children who had beloved nannies suddenly banished from their lives, disown their evil parents down the road. For those too young to know what happened to them, they’ll just suffer with depression, or worse.
The parents will report to the psychiatrist that they can’t imagine why Laria is so sad most of the time. But let’s see if some meds will help make her be happy again.
I think there might be a special place in hell for those parents.

How is a nanny equal to a parent? I cannot remember my nanny. I could not remember them a few years later and hated when one would visit as it was uncomfortable. Most young kids don't remember their caretaker. Have your own kids.

Yes, we know, Dear. You have posted this so many times. We get it.

Calm down now. Your experience is not the norm and no one is trying to take your place as a parent. My children are extremely close and bonded to their nanny and I would never rip her out of their lives.

Children may not remember the nanny if young enough but they will remember being suddenly “abandoned “ by a person they depended on. It’s about implicit vs explicit memory. This fact has been explained to you so many times and you refuse to even entertain it. I fear your caregivers leaving you did more harm than you realize - otherwise you wouldn’t be so defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these children who had beloved nannies suddenly banished from their lives, disown their evil parents down the road. For those too young to know what happened to them, they’ll just suffer with depression, or worse.
The parents will report to the psychiatrist that they can’t imagine why Laria is so sad most of the time. But let’s see if some meds will help make her be happy again.
I think there might be a special place in hell for those parents.

I agree.