Too feisty at the email stage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have just started interviewing au pairs (over email), and one seems nice, but I feel like setting up way too many boundaries at this very early stage. For instance, she replied to an email and within it stated that she is happy to help out extra, as long as we don't go over hours and that we give her notice. I never asked her to help out extra--we aren't even there yet! We are a rule following family so I am just put off by this. Any thoughts?

It sounds to me like she’s heard from other APs about their experience. If she understands that there are rules that shouldn’t be broken (45 hours) and is clear that she is responsible for helping as part of the family, what is wrong with that?

Because we clearly stayed in our profile that we adhere to the rules. It’s a fair thing to be concerned about as an AP but seems a bit presumptuous to state it before I even invited her for an interview

APs that get info from other AP groups get bad info about “how to squeeze the most of out your host family” advice and “what to lie about to blame the family” when you go into rematch. Another red flag line of questions we’ve seen passed around: Am I allowed to eat anything in the house? Will I get a credit card to buy food or will you buy all the food?

Why in the world would you think anyone would hand you a credit card on arrival unless you think Americans are all rich?

This forum is full of “how to squeeze the ABSOLUTE max out of your AP while giving as little as possible ” threads. Thanks to social media, APs are wising up and asking the right questions.

And they will not get picked by sincere families. Just families with a lot of money who will treat them like the help . And then they will complain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have just started interviewing au pairs (over email), and one seems nice, but I feel like setting up way too many boundaries at this very early stage. For instance, she replied to an email and within it stated that she is happy to help out extra, as long as we don't go over hours and that we give her notice. I never asked her to help out extra--we aren't even there yet! We are a rule following family so I am just put off by this. Any thoughts?

It sounds to me like she’s heard from other APs about their experience. If she understands that there are rules that shouldn’t be broken (45 hours) and is clear that she is responsible for helping as part of the family, what is wrong with that?

Because we clearly stayed in our profile that we adhere to the rules. It’s a fair thing to be concerned about as an AP but seems a bit presumptuous to state it before I even invited her for an interview

APs that get info from other AP groups get bad info about “how to squeeze the most of out your host family” advice and “what to lie about to blame the family” when you go into rematch. Another red flag line of questions we’ve seen passed around: Am I allowed to eat anything in the house? Will I get a credit card to buy food or will you buy all the food?

Why in the world would you think anyone would hand you a credit card on arrival unless you think Americans are all rich?

This forum is full of “how to squeeze the ABSOLUTE max out of your AP while giving as little as possible ” threads. Thanks to social media, APs are wising up and asking the right questions.

And they will not get picked by sincere families. Just families with a lot of money who will treat them like the help . And then they will complain

If you are employed in someone's home, you are the help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have just started interviewing au pairs (over email), and one seems nice, but I feel like setting up way too many boundaries at this very early stage. For instance, she replied to an email and within it stated that she is happy to help out extra, as long as we don't go over hours and that we give her notice. I never asked her to help out extra--we aren't even there yet! We are a rule following family so I am just put off by this. Any thoughts?

It sounds to me like she’s heard from other APs about their experience. If she understands that there are rules that shouldn’t be broken (45 hours) and is clear that she is responsible for helping as part of the family, what is wrong with that?

Because we clearly stayed in our profile that we adhere to the rules. It’s a fair thing to be concerned about as an AP but seems a bit presumptuous to state it before I even invited her for an interview

APs that get info from other AP groups get bad info about “how to squeeze the most of out your host family” advice and “what to lie about to blame the family” when you go into rematch. Another red flag line of questions we’ve seen passed around: Am I allowed to eat anything in the house? Will I get a credit card to buy food or will you buy all the food?

Why in the world would you think anyone would hand you a credit card on arrival unless you think Americans are all rich?

This forum is full of “how to squeeze the ABSOLUTE max out of your AP while giving as little as possible ” threads. Thanks to social media, APs are wising up and asking the right questions.

And they will not get picked by sincere families. Just families with a lot of money who will treat them like the help . And then they will complain

And HMs who max out hours, and want extras as a discount, and nickel and dime on weekly cleaning and such will be weeded out by the top APs, the ones with the common sense and initiative. Poor quality APs may have to settle, depending on the market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have just started interviewing au pairs (over email), and one seems nice, but I feel like setting up way too many boundaries at this very early stage. For instance, she replied to an email and within it stated that she is happy to help out extra, as long as we don't go over hours and that we give her notice. I never asked her to help out extra--we aren't even there yet! We are a rule following family so I am just put off by this. Any thoughts?

It sounds to me like she’s heard from other APs about their experience. If she understands that there are rules that shouldn’t be broken (45 hours) and is clear that she is responsible for helping as part of the family, what is wrong with that?

Because we clearly stayed in our profile that we adhere to the rules. It’s a fair thing to be concerned about as an AP but seems a bit presumptuous to state it before I even invited her for an interview

APs that get info from other AP groups get bad info about “how to squeeze the most of out your host family” advice and “what to lie about to blame the family” when you go into rematch. Another red flag line of questions we’ve seen passed around: Am I allowed to eat anything in the house? Will I get a credit card to buy food or will you buy all the food?

Why in the world would you think anyone would hand you a credit card on arrival unless you think Americans are all rich?

This forum is full of “how to squeeze the ABSOLUTE max out of your AP while giving as little as possible ” threads. Thanks to social media, APs are wising up and asking the right questions.

And they will not get picked by sincere families. Just families with a lot of money who will treat them like the help . And then they will complain

And HMs who max out hours, and want extras as a discount, and nickel and dime on weekly cleaning and such will be weeded out by the top APs, the ones with the common sense and initiative. Poor quality APs may have to settle, depending on the market.

Op here. I started this thread about rule following. Somehow it devolved into implying that I’m nickel and diming. Good times

[Anonymous]

My APs (2 Brazilian, one French who was partly Senegalese, which made for a great education in French/Senegalese food she loved to cook) are not "the help." And that has racist undertones, anyways.

They are part of our family, like a big sister, who has the responsibility to (hopefully) love my child and absolutely to keep my child safe. For this plus room and board, they get a little pay.

My APs are/were out of this world great. I wish I could have paid them more, but as a single-mom-by-choice teacher (with a little help from my parents) there was no extra to give. But we all had the same philosophy that we are a family, so I always came home to kid's laundry done, bathroom that we all shared clean, in a house that is all of 1,000 sq. ft.

I needed all 45 hours per week and I followed all rules; I also never once asked for evening or weekend help. That is, after all, when I AM A MOM! All 3 of my APs extended with me. In the interview process I emphasized family, not perks, because there were none, other than: "what do you and my kid plan to do today? Here is your bus/metro pass!"

As i read these boards it becomes obvious to me why many host families have problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have just started interviewing au pairs (over email), and one seems nice, but I feel like setting up way too many boundaries at this very early stage. For instance, she replied to an email and within it stated that she is happy to help out extra, as long as we don't go over hours and that we give her notice. I never asked her to help out extra--we aren't even there yet! We are a rule following family so I am just put off by this. Any thoughts?

Yes, smart AP to set her rules from the beginning. Good for her!
Why do you think only the family can set up boundaries at an early stage? Or why should it be solely on the family to decide when the time is right to set a boundary or ask a question? To this AP it's obviously important that her HF shows her some respect by not going over hours and by giving notice if her schedule changes. There is nothing wrong about mentioning that at an early stage before both sides waste time and energy on multiple emails. This is obviously important to her. Better to state this now than to spend hours on something that falls through because HF doesn't want to stick to the rules.

Pass up on this one and giver her the chance to find a family that suits her personality better. One that doesn't mind if AP also considers this her year and wants to make sure to get her bases covered before she invests herself into a match that may not work out for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have just started interviewing au pairs (over email), and one seems nice, but I feel like setting up way too many boundaries at this very early stage. For instance, she replied to an email and within it stated that she is happy to help out extra, as long as we don't go over hours and that we give her notice. I never asked her to help out extra--we aren't even there yet! We are a rule following family so I am just put off by this. Any thoughts?

Yes, smart AP to set her rules from the beginning. Good for her!
Why do you think only the family can set up boundaries at an early stage? Or why should it be solely on the family to decide when the time is right to set a boundary or ask a question? To this AP it's obviously important that her HF shows her some respect by not going over hours and by giving notice if her schedule changes. There is nothing wrong about mentioning that at an early stage before both sides waste time and energy on multiple emails. This is obviously important to her. Better to state this now than to spend hours on something that falls through because HF doesn't want to stick to the rules.

Pass up on this one and giver her the chance to find a family that suits her personality better. One that doesn't mind if AP also considers this her year and wants to make sure to get her bases covered before she invests herself into a match that may not work out for her.

I did pass up on this one. Not enough driving. We have a whole thing in our profile that discusses that we do follow the rules. She needed to do her homework

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have just started interviewing au pairs (over email), and one seems nice, but I feel like setting up way too many boundaries at this very early stage. For instance, she replied to an email and within it stated that she is happy to help out extra, as long as we don't go over hours and that we give her notice. I never asked her to help out extra--we aren't even there yet! We are a rule following family so I am just put off by this. Any thoughts?

It sounds to me like she’s heard from other APs about their experience. If she understands that there are rules that shouldn’t be broken (45 hours) and is clear that she is responsible for helping as part of the family, what is wrong with that?

Because we clearly stayed in our profile that we adhere to the rules. It’s a fair thing to be concerned about as an AP but seems a bit presumptuous to state it before I even invited her for an interview

APs that get info from other AP groups get bad info about “how to squeeze the most of out your host family” advice and “what to lie about to blame the family” when you go into rematch. Another red flag line of questions we’ve seen passed around: Am I allowed to eat anything in the house? Will I get a credit card to buy food or will you buy all the food?

Why in the world would you think anyone would hand you a credit card on arrival unless you think Americans are all rich?

This forum is full of “how to squeeze the ABSOLUTE max out of your AP while giving as little as possible ” threads. Thanks to social media, APs are wising up and asking the right questions.

And they will not get picked by sincere families. Just families with a lot of money who will treat them like the help . And then they will complain

And HMs who max out hours, and want extras as a discount, and nickel and dime on weekly cleaning and such will be weeded out by the top APs, the ones with the common sense and initiative. Poor quality APs may have to settle, depending on the market.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Former AP here.

It might sound "feisty", I see on the contrary that she's showing you she is willing to be flexible to help you out and wants her hours to be respected as well. Win win.
I wouldn't rule her out for that but listen to your intuition if you feel this is not ok

[Anonymous]

I think it shows maturity, proactiveness, and forethought. If they have done research into the pitfalls of being an au pair, that means they’re smart. I am not looking for a naive au pair...

[Anonymous]

Also a former AP. I think it's a fair statement. I probably would wait until the actual interview before saying it though.