Weird explanation for blowing past weeknight curfew

[Anonymous]

Former AP here.

She should have respected her curfew. I had one when I was an AP (11pm), I was 22 and understood why : 1) the parents don't worry about me 2) I'm rested enough to take care of the children the next day.

Your house, your rules

[Anonymous]

Texting before curfew to check on them is lame.
We have a car curfew, and suggest they are well rested prior to working.
I trust the ap with my kids, I trust them with their own personal time management.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I was really asking whether the explanation she gave seemed weird or not. I wasn’t asking about whether you agree/disagree about having a weeknight curfew or checking up before curfew (as it was icy, that’s why). My bad!

[Anonymous]

The issue isn't whether a curfew is right or not.

The issue is there IS a curfew and AP ignores the rule. It doesn't matter if it's a stupid rule or not, but that AP has a clear understanding of it and has chosen not to follow it.

[Anonymous]

I actually had a curfew because my house is very small and anyone who came in later than 10pm would disturb us from our sleep. Plus my AP's duty started at 6:30am sharp.

[Anonymous]

Your house, your car, your rules. Wait until you get pulled out of a warm bed in the winter because AP is having car trouble or has had an accident with your car. The latter, by the way, is one reason to be 100% upfront with your insurance company about all drivers in your household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was really asking whether the explanation she gave seemed weird or not. I wasn’t asking about whether you agree/disagree about having a weeknight curfew or checking up before curfew (as it was icy, that’s why). My bad!

OP, ALL APs are going to be inmmature in some ways. We are talking about people who are exclusely in their twenties or younger. The key is to find someone who is immature in ways that don’t negatively affect your kids or your family. If she is a pushover with her friends then whatever. Either it impacts your family (because you take curfew seriously and need her to comply) or it doesn’t (because she showed up on time and ready to work). If she is impacting your family in a way that you care about, then address that with her honestly, but you can’t police the overall maturity level of someone who is barely out of their teens.

[Anonymous]

So you have an Au Pair you like, who is doing her job well, got home late but was still on time for the job and in a good mood so wasn't affected by the lack of sleep and you still feel upset? I think you need to pick your battles, OP.

I don't think an adult should have a curfew, and I am thankful I have never had one, I am an Au Pair (been an Au Pair a few times) and the family treat me as an adult and trust me 100% to manage my time and not let what I do on my free time affect my work.

Last week I went home way past midnight a few times as I had events I wanted to attend, I start my shift at 6.30am, and I was ready to take over at 6.30am as expected, sometimes I don't go out but insomnia means, I don't fall asleep until 2am or so, I just get on with it and it never affect the quality of work I provide, my mood or the level of interaction I have with my host kid.


I think if you or your AP work was affected by her staying out later than 11pm you would be entirely justified in bringing it up and making it an issue but if your AP is great and you can't even notice the difference then why not trust her to be old enough to manage her sleep schedule. I wouldn't want to hire and leave an AP with my kids that I didn't trust was mature enough to know her own limits and abide by them so I find people who enforce curfew, very strange indeed as you apparently don't trust your Au Pairs to know what's best for them, yet trust them with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you have an Au Pair you like, who is doing her job well, got home late but was still on time for the job and in a good mood so wasn't affected by the lack of sleep and you still feel upset? I think you need to pick your battles, OP.

I don't think an adult should have a curfew, and I am thankful I have never had one, I am an Au Pair (been an Au Pair a few times) and the family treat me as an adult and trust me 100% to manage my time and not let what I do on my free time affect my work.

Last week I went home way past midnight a few times as I had events I wanted to attend, I start my shift at 6.30am, and I was ready to take over at 6.30am as expected, sometimes I don't go out but insomnia means, I don't fall asleep until 2am or so, I just get on with it and it never affect the quality of work I provide, my mood or the level of interaction I have with my host kid.


I think if you or your AP work was affected by her staying out later than 11pm you would be entirely justified in bringing it up and making it an issue but if your AP is great and you can't even notice the difference then why not trust her to be old enough to manage her sleep schedule. I wouldn't want to hire and leave an AP with my kids that I didn't trust was mature enough to know her own limits and abide by them so I find people who enforce curfew, very strange indeed as you apparently don't trust your Au Pairs to know what's best for them, yet trust them with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have an Au Pair you like, who is doing her job well, got home late but was still on time for the job and in a good mood so wasn't affected by the lack of sleep and you still feel upset? I think you need to pick your battles, OP.

I don't think an adult should have a curfew, and I am thankful I have never had one, I am an Au Pair (been an Au Pair a few times) and the family treat me as an adult and trust me 100% to manage my time and not let what I do on my free time affect my work.

Last week I went home way past midnight a few times as I had events I wanted to attend, I start my shift at 6.30am, and I was ready to take over at 6.30am as expected, sometimes I don't go out but insomnia means, I don't fall asleep until 2am or so, I just get on with it and it never affect the quality of work I provide, my mood or the level of interaction I have with my host kid.


I think if you or your AP work was affected by her staying out later than 11pm you would be entirely justified in bringing it up and making it an issue but if your AP is great and you can't even notice the difference then why not trust her to be old enough to manage her sleep schedule. I wouldn't want to hire and leave an AP with my kids that I didn't trust was mature enough to know her own limits and abide by them so I find people who enforce curfew, very strange indeed as you apparently don't trust your Au Pairs to know what's best for them, yet trust them with your kids.


Sorry, as a fellow insomniac, just wondered if you get a chance to nap during the day? While I would find it painful to get by all day on a few hours sleep, I can manage if I get to rest in the middle of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you have an Au Pair you like, who is doing her job well, got home late but was still on time for the job and in a good mood so wasn't affected by the lack of sleep and you still feel upset? I think you need to pick your battles, OP.

+1

Our AP doesn't have a curfew (neither did I, back in the day, when I was an AP myself, half a lifetime ago) but they know that not having a curfew is a privilege. As long as they are able to come home quiety without waking anyone and without letting the cat out, as long as they are able to be on time and in a good mood (real or pretend, I don't care) the following morning, as long as they are able to do their job on four hours of sleep... we don't mind them coming home late. If them staying out until the early hours affects their mood or how they do their job? We will implement a curfew.
They know we appreciate them coming home eight hours before they start working, just so that they have a chance to catch the sleep they will need to be in good shape the following day (plus I tend to worry and not sleep well when they are not at home) but it's not a curfew and if they do well on six hours of sleep, great. (I know I couldn't but I am old and simply don't have the same level of energy I had when I was in my 20s)

So far none of our APs has abused that (lack of a) rule. Yes, some came home quite late (or should I say "early"?) a few times, especially in summer. One loved going to the movies and didn't usually come home before midnight when she did and who am I to stop her from that? It takes her 45 minutes to get home from the movie theater, it's not her fault the movie doesn't start until 8.30 pm / 9 pm... no drinking, no smoking, always on time the next morning, always in a pleasant mood - fine with me! One made great (local) friends and was invited to BBQs that started late-ish and ran even later... we didn't see a reason to tell her she had to leave by 9 pm so that she'd be home by 10 pm. She was usually home by midnight and again, very pleasant the following day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have an Au Pair you like, who is doing her job well, got home late but was still on time for the job and in a good mood so wasn't affected by the lack of sleep and you still feel upset? I think you need to pick your battles, OP.

+1

Our AP doesn't have a curfew (neither did I, back in the day, when I was an AP myself, half a lifetime ago) but they know that not having a curfew is a privilege. As long as they are able to come home quiety without waking anyone and without letting the cat out, as long as they are able to be on time and in a good mood (real or pretend, I don't care) the following morning, as long as they are able to do their job on four hours of sleep... we don't mind them coming home late. If them staying out until the early hours affects their mood or how they do their job? We will implement a curfew.
They know we appreciate them coming home eight hours before they start working, just so that they have a chance to catch the sleep they will need to be in good shape the following day (plus I tend to worry and not sleep well when they are not at home) but it's not a curfew and if they do well on six hours of sleep, great. (I know I couldn't but I am old and simply don't have the same level of energy I had when I was in my 20s)

So far none of our APs has abused that (lack of a) rule. Yes, some came home quite late (or should I say "early"?) a few times, especially in summer. One loved going to the movies and didn't usually come home before midnight when she did and who am I to stop her from that? It takes her 45 minutes to get home from the movie theater, it's not her fault the movie doesn't start until 8.30 pm / 9 pm... no drinking, no smoking, always on time the next morning, always in a pleasant mood - fine with me! One made great (local) friends and was invited to BBQs that started late-ish and ran even later... we didn't see a reason to tell her she had to leave by 9 pm so that she'd be home by 10 pm. She was usually home by midnight and again, very pleasant the following day.

Agree with you however no curfew is not a privilege. Privilege is a dedicated car. Privilege is going on vacation with the family. But having no curfew is simply not having stupid rule for another adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult. She was out late and yet was at work on time and was pleasant and engaged. What's the issue?
I would never have addressed this with her.
Frankly I'm impressed that you never pulled late nights during the week when you were young.

I'm an MB and you sound like a miserable MB. You seem to have control issues (texting her at 1030 even though her curfew is 11). Maybe this whole thing isn't for you.

What does MB mean? "ISAAFE" Is there an acronym for EVERYTHING?

MB is a very common acronym used on this forum for "mom boss"

Not, it is not, nanny troll. It is a common acronym only for nannies discussions. Busted!

This is a nanny forum. That's the only thing discussed on this forum. So when PP said it's a common acronym on this forum it means the same thing you just said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have an Au Pair you like, who is doing her job well, got home late but was still on time for the job and in a good mood so wasn't affected by the lack of sleep and you still feel upset? I think you need to pick your battles, OP.

+1

Our AP doesn't have a curfew (neither did I, back in the day, when I was an AP myself, half a lifetime ago) but they know that not having a curfew is a privilege. As long as they are able to come home quiety without waking anyone and without letting the cat out, as long as they are able to be on time and in a good mood (real or pretend, I don't care) the following morning, as long as they are able to do their job on four hours of sleep... we don't mind them coming home late. If them staying out until the early hours affects their mood or how they do their job? We will implement a curfew.
They know we appreciate them coming home eight hours before they start working, just so that they have a chance to catch the sleep they will need to be in good shape the following day (plus I tend to worry and not sleep well when they are not at home) but it's not a curfew and if they do well on six hours of sleep, great. (I know I couldn't but I am old and simply don't have the same level of energy I had when I was in my 20s)

So far none of our APs has abused that (lack of a) rule. Yes, some came home quite late (or should I say "early"?) a few times, especially in summer. One loved going to the movies and didn't usually come home before midnight when she did and who am I to stop her from that? It takes her 45 minutes to get home from the movie theater, it's not her fault the movie doesn't start until 8.30 pm / 9 pm... no drinking, no smoking, always on time the next morning, always in a pleasant mood - fine with me! One made great (local) friends and was invited to BBQs that started late-ish and ran even later... we didn't see a reason to tell her she had to leave by 9 pm so that she'd be home by 10 pm. She was usually home by midnight and again, very pleasant the following day.

Agree with you however no curfew is not a privilege. Privilege is a dedicated car. Privilege is going on vacation with the family. But having no curfew is simply not having stupid rule for another adult.

They are a household employee, not your child. They should not have a curfew.